Flea Market Master Class
Visiting Canton Market with Pableaux Johnson.
(Page 2 of 4)
Hagglers, trained professionals in the art of the bargain, look at the same purchases and see missed opportunities. They approach every second-hand transaction as a high-stakes auction—a rummage sale showdown where only one participant walks away. Each trip to the cash box is another chance to turn a simple business deal—whether it be for a toy tractor or a pair of mustache scissors—into a free-form exchange of offers and counteroffers. Within the boundaries of the Lone Star state, there’s no better place to hone your basic hagglin’ skills than the fairgrounds of Canton’s First Monday and no better teacher of the bargain than the lovely and talented Elaine Johnson, my dear sister.
Our Expert
Elaine Lorelle Johnson, a seasoned bargainer currently residing in Lafayette, Louisiana, acted as guide and tutor through the wonderful world of Canton. She volunteered to share her experience and trade secrets as we tailed her through the acres and acres of First Monday merchants.
Ms. Johnson was selected because of her no-holds-barred negotiating style, years of national flea market experience, and recent nomination into the Second-Hand Haggler Hall of Fame (located in scenic Fon du Lac, Wisconsin). By happy coincidence, she also happens to be my younger sister. She seems sweet at first, but you really don’t want to cross her. Trust me. Combining equal parts Holly Golightly and Iron Mike Tyson, Elaine (a.k.a. NeeNa, Haggler Princess) routinely strikes fear into the hearts of flea marketeers throughout the country. Professional antique dealers cower before her, lest they be crushed beneath her mighty heels. Within seconds of her first offer, NeeNa reduces even the most seasoned traders to tears. (It’s actually pretty fun to watch.)
In addition to possessing perfect basic bargaining skills, Ms. Johnson also uses more, shall we say, supernatural powers in her haggling enterprises. After a short stint with the Amazing Johnathan (during his critically-acclaimed “You are getting verrrrry sssslllleeeeepppyyy” tour), she spent several summers as a cocktail lounge hypnotist in the convenience store casinos of Elko, Nevada. These skills will become more evident in our discussion ofmore advanced haggling techniques. So great is her faith in the magic of second-hand markets that Elaine has perfected a Zenlike practice of ‘non-shopping.’ “A few years ago, I got to the point where I just stopped actively looking for things. I don’t shop for things, I walk around and let them shop for me.”
How to Haggle
Like the jitterbug or Freudian psychology, haggling is best learned by mastering a few basic steps that can be applied to a wide variety of individual situations.
The foundation of good bargaining is the auction mentality, a mindset that sets up every purchase as a string of bids and counteroffers that can last anywhere from a few seconds to several hours. (Don’t worry, the latter usually only occurs with Kurdish rug merchants working their home turf.) Hagglers apply the auction metaphor to the secondhand markets, where EVERYTHING comes up for bid. All you need to do is step up and make your first offer. Nothing could be simpler.
The only problem is that market vendors have the final say over your newly revised price, and they’re working their own agenda. Should they take your lower price, or should they gamble that another sucker (umm… customer) will come along five minutes later with a more agreeable temperament and more disposable income? There’s no way to tell, and so they’ll usually play along for at least part of a well-executed haggle.
So haggling is essentially an economic staring contest, with each participant hoping the other blinks first. When it gets right down to it, the shopper has nothing to lose and bragging rights to gain. (“See that leather couch? Got it for thirty-five bucks.”) And what’s a good story worth these days?
Step 1: Get over your guilt.
Choosing your own low low price may seem un-American, but in fact it’s no different from rummage professionals buying a twenty-dollar truckload of sand dollars and selling them for a buck a piece. In the land of unknown markup, actual value is anybody’s guess, so it’s in your best interest to guess LOW.
Should an overactive conscience get to you, remember, it’s not quite the same as beating Goodwill out of a little pocket change. Flea marketeers are professionals that make a living selling inventory at their own arbitrary markup.
Step 2: Develop shamelessness.
Chutzpah. Cojones. Whatever you call it, you’re going to have to acquire a sense of shamelessness to be a successful haggler. To do this, simply tell yourself that the marked price on said merchandise was applied in error, and it’s your responsibility to call attention to the mistake. Besides, you’re doing them a favor by taking this thing off their hands. Once you can say this with a perfectly straight face, the market is your oyster.
Step 3: Work for long volleys.
Your job as the buyer is to prolong the bidding process in order to steer the price closer to your original bid. This slow whittling can take a while and may involve a bit of creative and/or aggressive yarn spinning. Offers and counteroffers fly back and forth, with both parties giving a little each time. The longer you can keep the haggle going, the better off you’ll be in the end.
Step 4: Know when to quit.
As any tequila drinker will tell you, half of any good time is knowing when to quit. Even the most persistent bargain hounds know when it’s time to just give up and pay the man his asking price—and hopefully that’s sometime before a fistfight starts. Keep in mind that even for the professionals, haggling’s just a sport, so know when to pick up your gear and go home.
The Sale Face
According to Johnson, the primary skill in the haggler’s art is developing the sale face—a studied look of perfect indifference and nonchalance that holds no matter how stellar the find. The sale face shows no emotion, yet radiates just enough friendliness to catch the vendor off guard. The sale face sits on the front of your head like an amiable kabuki mask, hiding emotions when the slightest show of interest can effectively double the price on that reversible Flip Wilson/Geraldine talking doll.
A good sale face requires both mental discipline and well-toned facial muscles, mostly required to conceal any outward signs of excitement. “Animals can smell fear,” says Johnson, picking through a pile of Depression-era glassware, “but dealers can smell interest. Once they know you’re hooked, the haggle’s over before it starts.”
Owing to years of practice, Elaine’s sale face exudes… well, nothing. At first glance, she seems to be just another shopper looking to pass the time. With all facial muscles relaxed, her overall expression falls somewhere between apathy and bemusement—which she could maintain even after discovering the Hope Diamond in a tangled pile of Mardi Gras beads.
“A relaxed face can change almost instantly from accepting to stern and back again, which is very important once the negotiations start. If you can keep your sale face for the first couple of bids, you’ll stand a much better chance of winning.” Just don’t concentrate on your countenance to the exclusion of all else, she reminds.” Always keep an eye on the dealer’s face, since you can be damn sure that they’ll be watching yours.”
You Barg’nin’ With Me? Since the sale face is all about indifference, it’s best to practice your bored looks in a mirror before hitting the sales. Subtle yet telltale facial tics can make all the difference, so familiarize yourself with several classic moves: The Mini Shrug, The Head Fake, and The Brush Off. You’ll know you’re ready when you can execute these moves in quick succession without busting out laughing. “Three dollars? For this?”
Talk Slow. The easiest way to spot a novice haggler is by his/her rapid-fire delivery—a sure sign of nervous energy. If the vendor gets the feeling that a buyer wants to end a haggle, they’re much more likely to stick to their posted price.
But if you approach with a handful of stuff and speak… real… slow-like, then they’re on the defensive. Long, dramatic pauses—especially after their counterhaggles—can give your enemy time to think too much and turn the tables in your direction.
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