Flea Market Master Class
Visiting Canton Market with Pableaux Johnson.
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Remember your barnyard sounds. The best sounds for outright dismissal come directly from the Fisher Price See N’ Say: Trigger’s forceful Bronx cheer (Pffftttt), a cow’s grunt of bovine frustration (Hurrrrmmmf), and the pig’s perfect quasi-nasal snort (Rrrrggrrrtt). As usual, the animals get all the best lines.
These are the sounds you want to perfect as part of your routine. Done right, they disarm even the most seasoned rummage dealer. Just remember that these are the Big Guns—sounds that run a good chance of angering your adversary—so use them only as last resorts, preferably right before walking away.
Timing is Everything
Flea market vendors experience an entire business cycle—from full-blown holiday rush to last chance desperation closeout—in a single weekend session, so savvy hagglers can clean up by simply keeping one eye on the ever-ticking clock.
In Canton, for example, Friday tends to be the most relaxed trading day, since the marketplace clogs up with day-trippers on Saturday and Sunday. Serious traders hit the fairgrounds early on Friday, when haggling tends to be a bit tighter, but the bargaining opportunities increase as the weekend progresses. By Sunday noon, the hawkers are more likely to entertain aggressive haggles, since every missed sale means more inventory to schlep home.
The down side for Sunday shoppers is that inventory dwindles with every passing hour, and some booths tend to be picked clean of the prime stuff early on. A shrewd preacher from Weatherford shopping on a Saturday may have already copped the Estes Keifauver commemorative fish fork that you’ve been saving up for. But as the philosopher once said, you roll the dice and take your chances.
TIPS
Don’t bite too quick. If you’re in the market for relatively common items (used kitchen gadgets, hand tools, or vintage Happy Meal prizes), it pays to look at a few tables before starting a haggle. Duplication gives you a little leverage in the bargaining process. (“One of a kind? Tell it to the guy over there. He’s got five just like it.”)
Return for Round Two. Sometimes even a failed haggle can lead to victory, if you time it right. If the object of your affection hasn’t sold late in the session, there’s a perfect chance for you—former adversary and worthy competitor—to reopen negotiations with a friendly ‘Hey! Remember me?’ Last visit, it was a haggle to the death, but now you just want to do the seller (your old friend) a favor by taking this particular fireproof filing cabinet off his/her hands. When it gets down to it, the choice is simple: would they rather carry the cabinet or a handful of small bills to the U-Haul?
Open Warefare
Since free-form bargaining is an acquired skill, you’re pretty likely to walk away from your first attempts paying full pop for your assorted treasures. There will be times in those early days when you crack a smile at precisely the wrong moment or get just a bit too nervous to hold the whole deal together. But with practice, you’ll develop the eyes and reflexes of a hardcore haggler.
When you get to this next level and are ready for some real competition, here are a few upper division tips for when things start to get nasty. Bid WAY Low. One hallmark of the novice haggler is playing timid—for example, opening up with a $2 bid on a $3 baseball—which gives the seller unfair advantage from the outset.
The initial bid speaks volumes about a haggler, because it reflects your level of inner confidence. Anyone who starts off with a twelve dollar bid on an early American armoire better have the negotiating skills to back it up. A low opening offer lets a vendor know that their bluff is being called and you need them to help “clear up a little misunderstanding.” But maintain a charming, stoic game face to keep a fight from breaking out.
Inspect Each Item Carefully. Before taking your selection up to the nice lady, examine the object of your affection for any surface flaws or other imperfections that can be used to bolster your low bid. “Oh, see? This teapot doesn’t even have a lid. How can you ask that much for it?”
Look for Duplicates. It always helps your case for a lower price if you’ve seen a similar Spirograph set at the table down the way. It cuts down on the effectiveness of the old “collector’s item” story.
Up the Ante. A classic distraction technique: Before going into a bargaining session, choose a couple of “spoiler” items that you can throw into your side of the deal. (“Okay, if you won’t take $4 for this cast iron skillet, then how about $4.50 for the skillet and this steak knife?”) The strategy here is to force the vendor into doing quick math based on the number of items in your pile. (Often they’ll just calculate the average and close the sale. Math does that to people.)
Bonus points: Add items to your pile and then CUT your offer by a buck.
Water Torture. This approach, based on simple everyday hypnotic techniques, should be reserved for the toughest deals. If you get stonewalled mid-haggle, choose a comfortable price and rephrase it as many times as you can in the course of the discussion.
Buyer: “So, how about nine dollars for the whole toolbox?”
Vendor: “No, I really need to get fifteen. I paid thirteen for it.”
Buyer: “Well … would you take nine then?
Vendor: I’m pretty set on fifteen.”
Buyer: “Hmmmmm. . . . (dramatic pause) What say you throw in this hand sledge and I’ll give you . . . oh . . . nine bucks for the whole thing?”
Vendor: “Can’t really do that. Fifteen.”
Buyer: “OK, here’s my final offer. You throw in the sledge, I give you the nine dollars, you get very sleepy and when I snap my fingers, you’ll bark like a dog whenever you hear a car horn. Whaddaya say?”
Vendor: “Zzzzz … Zzzzzz. … Hunh? What? Nine dollars? SOLD!”
Buyer: “Pleasure doing business with you.”
Disclaimer: If you get REALLY good at this, make sure to only use your powers for good.
Know Thine Enemy
Composite sketches of characters you’re likely to find running Canton’s many merchandise tables:
The Generalist runs the traveling equivalent of your Aunt Sadie’s once-a-decade garage sale. As a rule, generalists usually have the best selection of items and the best browsing as well. You’re likely to find anything from well-worn suede ropers to a full set of bubble-top milk bottles mixed in with miscellaneous 8-tracks and mismatched flatware. They’re also great places to brush up on your haggling skills.
Typical Response to Hagglers: Hot or Cold (Immediate acceptance or deep grandmotherly disappointment).
Your Best Comeback: Have exact change in hand.
Your Cue to Leave: “I’m not sure. I’m just watching this stall for my friend Goober. He just left for lunch.”
Specialists usually stock a narrow range of items (Coca-Cola memorabilia, amethyst doorknobs, baseball cards) and model themselves after museum curators rather than actual business folk. As a result, they have lower traffic but a more interested customer base. Every item in their stall has generally been earmarked as a “collector’s item” and priced accordingly. If you try to bargain on the price of an item, they’re likely to whip out fifteen appraisal books to bolster their argument. If that fails, they claim it has rare magical powers and double the posted price.
Typical Response to Hagglers: They can’t believe you’d even suggest it.
Your Best Response: Roll your eyes. Call their bluff.
Your Cue to Leave: “You don’t understand. This is the original Red Man cap—a one of a kind original. It’d sell for $5000 in New York. Sez so right here in this book.”
Handicraft hawkers obviously have direct pipelines to the Cracker Barrel Factory Warehouse, and they buy in bulk. Usually found in the fancier pavilions, handicraft people traffic in anything “homespun” and/or “cute”—the usual variations on country goose patterns, garden signs, macrame, quilted everything, and anything related to grandkids, retirement or golf.
Typical Response to Hagglers: Vacant, almost zombie-like stare.
Your Best Comeback: Run like hell, unless you really need a big butt lawn ornament.
Your Cue to Leave: The sudden, queasy onset of potpourri poisoning.
My Library
