The Ten Best (And, Sigh, The Ten Worst) Legislators
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Enjoys being an obstructionist on the floor. Took particular delight in objecting to rules suspensions necessary to ease the logjam of bills at session's end. Pretended to support reform principles but seldom missed an opportunity to sabotage them and make them appear unworkable. A classic example of the unreconstructed Mutscherite trying to restore legislative politics to the old autocratic ways.
A shameless demagogue. Has lost credibility among his colleagues for his bald-faced misrepresentations on the floor of the House; they know he does it, he knows they know he does it, but he keeps on doing it.
Used his "legislative continuance" power to delay the felony trial of Hudson Moyer, a former Representative accused of stealing state postage stamps to payoff a note at his bank. According to Travis County District Attorney Bob Smith, who will prosecute the case, Simmons signed on as one of Moyer's attorneys the Monday before the legislature convened, automatically forcing a postponement until July 9.
Tim Von Dohlen, 29, Conservative Democrat, Goliad. Cut from Crusader's cloth, the sort of man who would burn an Islamic mosque in the name of God. Medieval in his rigidity, a timeless example of the zealot in politics. No sense of give-and-take, but sees politics as a morality play in which he is cast in the leading role to banish devils, a category which seems to include anyone who has a life-style different from his own.
His legislative program consists chiefly of trying to enact his prejudices into law for everyone else (a partial exception: the abortion issue, where he defended freedom-of-choice for hospital personnel). Said one member: "He's the sort of person who'd take a bill permitting acupuncture and try to amend it by requiring that the work be performed with rusty needles."
Resourceful, hardworking, and (like Nugent) quite intelligent. One of the few Representatives to abuse his power in this reform session: as chairman of the Public Health subcommittee he deliberately smothered a bill regulating nursing homes (HB 414) by refusing to recognize any motions to act upon it until so late in the session that it was doomed. (Fred Head of Troup tried the same tactic as chairman of the Reapportionment Committee and later apologized for his behavior on the floor of the House; Von Dohlen did not). Considered a pushover by the lobby, not because he is crooked (he's personally honest) but because he is their natural, instinctive ally. Said one lobbyist: "If you've got a bad bill you want passed, just get a short-haired, clean-cut guy to take Von Dohlen to lunch and maybe offer to fly him to some high school commencement in your corporate jet. He'll carry that bill with a smile—and the amazing thing is, he'll never even ask you what the down side of the bill is."
Represents the worst of Middle America—narrowness, lack of compassion—without any of its saving virtues—humor, openness, basic fairness. Said one long-time member: "He personifies everything that's bad about Texas politics, except he's not a crook."
Doyle Willis, 64, Moderate Democrat, Fort Worth. One of the least competent legislators, he has fed at the public trough for much of his adult life. Lacks even elementary respect from his colleagues, who consider him a boring phony and rush for the telephone whenever they see him coming.
Viewed by many other Representatives as untrustworthy, in a blasé sort of way; they point to his tendency to play both sides of the fence in such matters as pledges for the 1975 speaker's race. The sort of person who would fit in perfectly in Chicago, cheerfully whiling away his time with whatever Mayor Daley told him to do.
Casually indifferent to the needs of his district; never even showed up for the Appropriations Committee meeting at which the UT-Arlington item was considered, even though the university is in his district and he was the only Fort Worth area representative on the committee. Blamed for holding up the entire Tarrant County redistricting plan in hopes of wangling a seat for his son.
Used to be in the Senate (1953-1962); wants to go back. God forbid.
A LEGISLATIVE LEXICON
The legislature, like any club, has developed a descriptive language all its own. Among the more popular expressions:
cockroach, n. A member who stirs up trouble to no good purpose; "It's not what he carries away that's the problem: it's what he gets into and messes up." Not as brutally pejorative as it sounds. Rep. Tom Uher, Bay City, is the most often-cited example.
crater, v.i. To renege on one's promises under pressure. A sudden and total cave-in. "He really cratered on that vote."
down side, n. The unsavory aspects of a proposal. "The down side of that bill is that it would turn over the public lands to Exxon."
flake, v.i. To drift away by degrees from a previously-stated position pledged to a colleague. "Senator, I'm down here just flaking away on that oil unitization bill." In contradistinction to cratering, flaking may occur to enhance the flakor's strategic bargaining position with the flakee.
furniture, n. Members of the legislature who, by virtue of their ineffectualness or stupidity, are indistinguishable from their desks, chairs, and inkwells.
L.S., n. Loan Sharks.
L.R., adj. Low-rent. Mediocre, lacking in ability, merit, or character. "Those vending machine lobbyists are really L.R."
low-rent sumbitch, n. Very mediocre. "The honorable member from San Antonio is a low-rent sumbitch."
on the take, adj. Receiving a bribe or available to be bribed.
Scholz's liberals, n. Ineffectual, doctrinaire crowd of liberal members who congregate at Scholz Garten and complain about the way things are going. Rarer than it used to be, chiefly because they now congregate somewhere else.
stout, adj. Strong, effective, not easily dislodged in floor debate; often has connotations of approval of the viewpoint espoused by the member described. "That Senator Trial Lawyer from Houston is stout," said Senator Trial Lawyer from Dallas.
topwater, n. lit., a minnow. A lightweight politician, one who does the work of the big boys; a front man for special interests. John Connally is the antithesis of a topwater.
white, adv. Refers to the electronic voting board in the House of Representatives, where a red light beside each member's name signifies he is voting "no," a green light "aye," and a white light "present but not voting." Used as a device to avoid commitment on an issue while proving to the voters back home that you were not out drinking beer when the vote was taken. "I think I'll vote white on this ones, friends."
FURNITURE
The term "furniture" is casually used around the legislature to describe members who have no discernible ability to grasp what is going on, and who for that reason do not participate to any significant extent in the proceedings. These members may be personally popular with their colleagues, but their impact on the legislative process is nil except when they push their voting buttons or answer a roll-call vote.
The Furniture List for the Sixty-Third Legislature:
House
Latham Boone III—Navasota
Sid Bowers—Houston
Terry Canales—Premont
Phil Cates—Pampa
Nub Donaldson—Gatesville
Tony Dramberger—San Antonio
Frank Gaston—Dallas
Forrest Green—Corsicana
Joe Hanna—Breckenridge
Joe Hawn—Dallas
Don Henderson—Houston
Joe Hernandez—San Antonio
Bill Hilliard—Fort Worth
Doyce Lee—Naples
Elmer Martin—Colorado City
T.H. McDonald—Mesquite
Joe Sage—San Antonio
Elmer Tarbox—Lubbock
John Whitmire—Houston
Senate
Roy Harrington—Port Arthur
John Traeger—Seguin
SPECIAL BEST & WORST AWARD
Best…worst…Sometimes categories fail and words fall short. Sometimes the line between a scoundrel and a statesman can be hammered too thin to recognize. Such is the case with Senator Bill Moore, 55, the bellowing "Bull of the Brazos."
Moore is second in Senate seniority, and he has forgotten nothing in the 23 years Bryan has sent him to Austin. Few men have mastered parliamentary tactics and the art of good-humored gamesmanship as well as he; few men have so scant a legacy of significant public accomplishment to show for their skills.
His wit is legendary, his abilities immense. Without him the Senate would be a husk of its present self; with him, the Senate can bear fruit only by overcoming the impediments he places before it. He is alternately obstreperous and expeditious; he makes no effort to get along, to yield, not even to remain silent after everyone has had enough of him; yet he can call a truce in the flick of an eyelash and get the business done. His eight-year tenure as chairman of the powerful State Affairs Committee is unblemished by even the merest hint of democracy, yet no Senator holds any lasting grudge against him for unfairness or tyrannical behavior, and the job seems his for as long as he wants it. He is capable of the most blatant, disingenuous, low-down dirty tricks (as when he killed Senator Charles Wilson's telephone regulatory bill in 1969), and at the same time of breathtakingly generous acts toward an opponent whom he discovers momentarily off balance (as when he rescued Senator Charles Wilson's telephone regulatory bill in 1971).
He is baffling, unclassifiable, larger than life. Of him it could be said, as it was said of the nineteenth-century Irish patriot/villain Daniel O'Connell, "The only way to deal with such a man is to hang him up and erect a statue to him under the gallows."
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