The Texas Food Manifesto
The forces of culinary darkness are out to subvert our native cooking. They must be stopped. To arms! To arms!
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Johnny Frizzell
Meat cutter extraordinaire, Kreuz Market, Lockhart. Johnny is living proof that it pays to know the man with the knife at your barbecue joint of choice. Not only can Johnny recommend the day’s optimum cut (the pork tenderloin? the prime rib?), he can also, ifhe feels like it, see to it that you get the best possible pieces precisely the way you like them. The importance of establishing a personal relationship with someone of Johnny’s caliber cannot be overestimated by the barbecue connoisseur.
Mario Cantú
Radical restaurateur. He makes an unlikely revolutionary in his white slacks and lavender Izods, but Mario Cantú performs an incalculable public service for the people of Texas: he runs the best big all-around Mex-Mex eatery in the state, and—better still—it’s open 24 hours a day. Not only does the guy furnish a grateful clientele of San Antonians andassorted pilgrims with distinguished sweet breads, tripitas, beef tips, and chilaquiles;he has also created one of the great casual all-walks-of-life dining venues in Texas.
Madalene Hill
Texas’ herb missionary. Through her Hilltop Herb Farm in Cleveland, her wonderfully eccentric public meals, and her interesting jellies, teas, and relishes, Mrs. Hill has probably done more than anyone else to persuade Texans that there is life afteroregano and cumin.
Ninfa Laurenzo
The woman who al carboned Texas (see Hall of Shame). Her charcoaled beef andpork tacos with pico de gallo changed the eating habits of more Texans than any development in recent memory. Her green sauce will go down in history.
Richard Bolt
King of the cowboy cooks. Bolt, a range cook for the Pitchfork Ranch near Guthrie, was one of the few such to record his chuck-wagon know-how for posterity. His cookbook, Forty Years Behind the Lid, includes definitive recipes for jackrabbit chili and sourdoughbiscuits. Bolt and his peers personified grace under pressure: given a Dutch oven and some live coals, there was virtually nothing they couldn’t cook.
William Ernst
Texas’ first world-class steak maestro. So celebrated was his technique that San Antonio gastronomes of the 1880’s organized the Beef Steak Club in his honor; they made it their business to see that no stranger of note left town without sampling one of Ernst’s steaks. As picky as any apostle of the New American Cuisine, Ernst broiled his beef over mesquite-wood coals. His chef’s temperament involved a cheering lack of greed: after cooking a set number of steaks, Ernst would close up and go home, unfed customers notwithstanding.
Hall of Shame
Ninfa Laurenzo
The rapid expansion of her restaurant empire and the consequent decline of her food would be no more of a betrayal than, say, Liz Taylor’s getting fat were it not for one thing: Ninfa’s chain still feeds on the Mama Ninfa myth, her “I struggled greatly to bring you great food” legend. So when she doesn’t bring great food, people tend to take it personally.
Maury Maverick
Yeah, Mayor Maury was a great guy in other respects, and he probably meant well, but closing down the San Antonio chili queens’ open-air stalls back in the forties was a dire deed. Maury should have known that a culture without street food is no culture at all.
Chandler
Yes, he goes by only one name. Chandler fathered a dangerous mutant: the soulless Texas barbecue chain. The dual barbecue-hamburger concept at his Luther’s restaurants in Houston was a direct cop from venerable Otto’s. Although his barbecue just sort of lay there on the plate, Chandler was depressingly successful at fooling large numbers of people large amounts of time. He finally sold the whole shebang to Chart House and went West. Good riddance.
Chart House
It bought Luther’s on the theory that barbecue is idiot-proof.
Cappy Lawton
Alice Waters can breathe easy: the only thing revolutionary about Lawton’s 1776 Revolutionary Restaurants (Mama’s, Mama’s Cafes, Cappy’s) is the zeal with which he markets them. The fundamental misfortune of his food is that it doesn’t know when to quit. Mama did not cook like this, unless our memory fails us (which may be what Lawton is counting on). Lawton’s success is frightening in terms of what it says about the Texas palate; perhaps we get the food, as well as the government, we deserve.
Jane Butel
As if her spurious tomes on such inalienable Texas fare as chili, barbecue, and Tex-Mex weren’t enough, now she’s coming on like a spokeswoman for Southwestern cooking. With friends like her, who needs enemies?
Sam Lewis
Inventor of the appalling jalapeño lollipop. But then, what can you expect from a man who’s president of the Armadillo Breeders Association?
Gene Street
Another el fako soul-food profiteer, d.b.a. Prufrock Restaurants and grossing $35 million a year. Street’s linchpin Black-Eyed Peas, which breed like particularly objectionable rabbits, depend so heavily on stodgy, graceless fried things that you can develop vascular problems just by walking in the door. What Street is very, very good at, though, is cost control: knowing exactly how many thousands of chicken-frieds sell weekly. At least Street doesn’t have the New Southwestern Cuisine pretensions that Lawton does, but his food is even worse.
Michael Bauer
God knows what misbegotten ideas this Dallas writer’s New Southwestern Cuisine series gave to aspiring restaurateurs and food profiteers. So red-chile-tinted are Bauer’s glasses that if you told him that grilling with huisache chips was the next big thing or that within the year we’d all be sucking East Texas honeysuckle blossoms in place of an after-dinner cordial, he would probably report it with a straight face.
Frank G. Liberto
As president of San Antonio’s Liberto Specialties, Frank claims to be the originator of concession-stand nachos—the loathsome kind you get at the sports stadium. More incriminating still, Liberto has spread the ballpark nacho plague to all fifty states plus Canada, Japan, and the United Kingdom.
The Ultimate Texas Menu
Part One
BREAKFAST
Pecan waffle (Avalon Drug Company, Houston)
Eggs decorated (Night Hawk, Austin)
Chilaquiles con pollo (Mario’s, San Antonio)
Sourdough toast (Van Dyke’s, Amarillo)
Eggs over easy (Rovan’s, South Padre Island)
Grits (Rovan’s, South Padre Island)
Huevos rancheros (Cortes Deli, Houston)
Migas Deluxe (El Taquito Chef, Austin)
Biscuits (San Jacinto Inn, Houston)
Potato-and-egg taco (Esther’s, Rio Hondo)
Cinnamon rolls (Dietz Bakery, Fredericksburg)
Glazed doughnuts (Lone Star Bakery, Round Rock)
Poppyseed muffins (Highland Park Cafeteria, Dallas)
Pepper bacon (Dozier’s Market, Fulshear)
Old-fashioned peach preserves (Das Peach House, Fredericksburg)
MEXICAN FOOD
Regular or No. 2 nachos (Cyclone Anaya’s, Houston)
Caldo azteca (El Mirador, San Antonio)
El Mirador Special (El Mirador, San Antonio)
Grilled sweetbreads (Mario’s, San Anionio)
Regular Dinner (Joe T. Garcia’s, Fort Worth)
Carnitas (Ninfa’s, original Navigation Street location, Houston)
Fajitas (Rosario’s, San Antonio)
Green enchiladas (Mario’s, San Antonio)
Enchiladas rojas (San Miguel, Austin)
Quesadillas Huitlacoche style (Guadalajara, Dallas)
Tacos de cochinitas pibil (Merida, Houston)
Tacos chivero (La Fogata, San Antonio)
Refried beans and rice (Armando’s, Houston)
Medium tamales (Galindo’s Market, Houston)
Frijoles a la charra (Rosario’s, San Antonio)
Molcajete de guacamole (Doneraki, Houston)
Chorizo con huevo (Fuentes Cafe, San Angelo)
Corn tortillas (San Miguel, Austin)
Flour tortillas (La Fogata, San Antonio)
Green salsa (Ninfa’s, Houston)
Red salsa (La Fogata, San Antonio)
SANDWICHES
Brown Pig (Neely’s, Marshall)
Pimento cheese (Harris County Heritage Society Tearoom, Houston)
Barbecued links (Hillje’s Smokehouse, El Campo)
Sliced brisket (Sonny Bryan’s, Dallas)
BLT (Bon Ton, La Grange)
Hot dog (City Market, Schulenburg)
Arkansas Traveler (Paris Coffee Shop, Fort Worth)
Meat loaf sandwich (Ethel’s Southern Cafe, Houston)
Part Two
FIRST COURSES
Matagorda oysters on the half-shell (Captain Benny’s, Houston)
Fried jalapeños stuffed with shrimp (Ninfa’s, Houston)
Cold crab claws (Sartin’s, Sabine Pass)
Smoked quail (Jeffrey’s, Austin)
Poblano soup (Alana’s, Austin)
Queso flameado with poblano chiles and onions (Cadillac Bar, Houston)
SPECIALTIES OF THE HOUSE
Roast quail (Cadillac Bar, Houston)
Chicken-fried steak, lower end (Gennie’s Bishop Grill, Dallas); upper end (Confederate House, Houston)
Boiled crawfish (Blue Oyster Bar, Houston)
Whole catfish dinner (Lakeview Lodge, Jefferson)
Fried chicken (Chef Latin’s, Nacogdoches)
Meat loaf or smothered chicken plate lunch special (This Is It Bar & Grill, Houston)
Alligator stew (Cap’n Dave’s, Houston)
BARBECUE
Barbecued pork loin (Kreuz Market, Lockhart)
Barbecued chicken (Blue’s BBQ, Nacogdoches)
Barbecued ribs (Luling City Market, Houston)
Barbecued ham (Inman’s, Llano)
End piece of brisket (Louie Mueller’s, Taylor)
Beef sausage (Louie Mueller’s, Taylor)
Barbecue sauce (Luling City Market, Houston)
SEAFOOD
Stuffed flounder (Clary’s, Galvesion)
Fried flounder (Bud’s, Raymondville)
Fried oysters (Captain Benny’s, Houston)
Pepper shrimp (Benno’s, Galveston)
Smoked flounder (Mesquite Inn, Riviera Beach)
Broiled speckled trout (Schrenkeisens’ Fulton Beach)
Barbecued crab (Sartin’s, Sabine Pass)
Snapper a la Reyes (Alana’s, Austin)
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