Hey, Dude
A Passel of Getaways—From Plain to Posh—Where You’ll Get Back in the Saddle Again and Feel at Home on the Range.
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As a solitary female amid the familial chaos, I soon began to feel as conspicuous as a mule at a stud farm. (No doubt I could have taken the edge off my self-consciousness with a visit to the Mayan’s saloon, the only dude-sanctioned watering hole I found during my ranch explorations.) I considered returning with a rented family—my sister and her kids—but the two-night minimum and all-inclusive per-person rates would’ve brought the tab to $760 for the four of us. On the other hand, we would’ve gotten plenty of bangs for those bucks—three meals a day; swimming in the ranch’s stretch of the Medina River; horseback riding; western dancing, hayrides, and other entertainment; billiards, tennis, and shuffleboard.
Mayan Ranch, on Mayan Ranch Road a mile and a half north of Bandera (830-796-3312, 830-460-3036, fax 830-796-8205; www.mayanranch.com). Rates $115—$130 per day for adults, $75 for children 13 to 17, $50 for children 12 and under; includes three meals and two horseback rides daily. AE, D, MC, V, checks.
I MUST HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FROM MAD COW DISEASE when I decided, on a whim, to drive out to Fort Davis to see if the Prude Ranch had a room available. Four hundred and twenty-eight miles from my home, it’s not exactly around the corner. But the gods of hospitality sometimes smile on impetuous travelers. Not only was there one room available at the sprawling complex, but I got there just in time for the light show. The moment I stepped onto the porch of my fourplex cabin (No. 9), the ominous sky split open. I poured myself a beer, plopped down on the teak bench, put my feet up on the porch railing, and watched swarms of kids—summer campers—scatter for cover as the storm moved across the mountains, trailing a sweater-weather wind in the middle of June.
The Prude, a 102-year-old ranch that has been courting weekend cowboys since 1921, is a venerable institution and is run accordingly. With several no-frills bunkhouses, a variety of roomy cabins, a stable of trail horses, a huge dining hall, a separate meeting lodge, and close to five thousand acres to explore, the Prude sometimes plays host to more than three hundred guests at a time. It’s great for big groups of kids, amateur astronomers (the McDonald Observatory is nearby), or mountain bikers, and for families on summer vacation who want organized activities like talent shows or geology lectures. It’s not so great if you’re in the mood for romance or solitude—or gourmet food (the meals are about as inspired as the cuisine at my high school cafeteria). But these quibbles melted away during the plodding trail ride the next morning. (I was a little worried when I mounted Tricky Dick, given my voting record, but I soon discovered that the Prude’s horses are gentle enough for dudes who don’t know a saddle horn from a French horn.) About halfway through the ride, one first-time equestrian—who had worn his sullen teenage attitude like full-body chaps as he waited in line to saddle up—suddenly blurted out, “Hey, this is pretty cool.” His parents pulled their hats down low to hide their smiles.
Prude Ranch, on Texas Highway 118 six miles north of Fort Davis (915-426-3202, 800-458-6232, fax 915-426-3502; www.prude-ranch.com). Rates from $58 double occupancy in the family cabins to $75 double occupancy in the motel-type rooms. Meal tickets are sold separately: $5 for breakfast weekdays and Saturdays, $6.50 Sundays; lunch and dinner $6.50—$8.95 (check to make sure the dining room will be open when you’re there). A one-hour trail ride is $15. AE, D, MC, V, checks.
Goin’ Retro
THESE COMPARATIVELY SMALL OPERATIONS have withstood the test of time, managing to hang on to a kind of nostalgic innocence. Their multigenerational appeal makes them ideal for family reunions.
The Dixie Dude Ranch is a 725-acre spread that has unabashedly embraced cowpoke culture for the past 62 years. The wranglers are sociable, the activities are Old West, and—despite the sad remains of an outbreak of oak wilt that killed the great trees surrounding the cabins, corrals, and dining hall—the atmosphere is decidedly happy. The stone and log cabins, some with fireplaces, are pleasantly rustic, with tile floors and knotty-pine paneling. The afternoon I visited, swimming in the pool and fishing in the pond were hits with the little dudes and dudettes who had just returned from a morning ride; their parents were busy holding down the rockers on the front porch. Owner Clay Conoly says the meals at the ranch are “good, home-cooked Texas cuisine, because that’s what people want”—catfish on Friday nights, fried chicken and yeast rolls on Sunday, breakfast cookouts, and Saturday-night barbecues. With 41 horses to ride and an additional 700 acres next door to explore, you should be able to jostle off some of those home-cooked pounds. And while you’re at it, you might even see some Longhorns and cashmere goats roaming the old Dixie.
Dixie Dude Ranch, on Ranch Road 1077 seven and a half miles west of Bandera (830-796-4481, 800-375-YALL; www.dixieduderanch.com). Rates $80—$95 a day per adult, $60 for children 13 to 16, $45 for children 6 to 12, $25 for children 2 to 5, under 2 free; includes three meals and two horseback rides daily. Two-night minimum September through May, three-night minimum June through August and major holidays. AE, D, MC, V, checks.
THE LAZY HILLS GUEST RANCH LIES IN A PICTURESQUE VALLEY outside Ingram. The sycamores lining the road leading to the stone barn, the manicured lawns, and the rock walls gave me the feeling, despite the heat, that I was in New England. But I’m not sure New Englanders, with their puritanical heritage, would take to leisure pursuits with the same exuberance as the Steinrucks, who have owned Lazy Hills since 1959. The grounds in front of the tidy cedar-and-stone duplex cabins are packed with recreational escapes: a paved volleyball court (take the Band-Aids); shuffleboard, basketball, and tennis courts; and a swimming pool. There are pool and Ping-Pong tables in the game room, thirty miles of trails for hiking and three stocked ponds for fishing, and of course, trail rides that snake through hill and dale over the ranch’s 750 acres. (Don’t worry, lazy wranglers: Rocking chairs await you on the cabin porches.) A huge bell calls hungry guests into the dining room for meals. “We have a lot of casseroles,” said a kid who was setting the tables.
Lazy Hills Guest Ranch, on Henderson Branch Road, off Texas Highway 27 two and a half miles northwest of Ingram (830-367-5600, 800-880-0632, fax 830-367-5667; www.lazyhills.com). Rates $78 per adult double occupancy, $45 for children 12 to 16, $35 for children 9 to 11, $30 for children 1 to 8, infants free; includes meals and the use of all facilities. Horseback riding is $12 an hour. AE, D, MC, V, checks.
WHEN I DROPPED BY THE RUNNING-R, I was greeted by a hound dog snoozing in the dusty drive, a strutting rooster leading a hen and six chicks, several barn cats who eyed me from atop a wooden fence, and a taciturn cowboy at the front desk. I felt as if I’d wandered onto a stage set for a Western parody—until I met a handful of the ranch’s towheaded guests, only one of whom spoke English. She was from Austria and was ensconced for two entire weeks in one of the weathered cedar cabins. Two weeks in Bandera? “I ride the horses and I eat,” she said, all grins. “Today we have one great wrangler. And this is best food I have ever had in America.” Guests chow down on cowboy cuisine as well as more highfalutin fare like chicken breasts in orange sauce and fresh berries with whipped cream. By Texas standards, the Running-R is a small ranch, with fewer than 230 acres, but it makes good use of the nearby, rider-friendly Hill Country State Natural Area.
Running-R Guest Ranch, on Ranch Road 1077 ten miles west of Bandera (830-796-3984, fax 830-796-8189; www.rrranch.com). Rates $85 per adult double occupancy, $50 for children 7 to 12, $40 for children 4 to 6, under 4 free (rates slightly lower November through February). Includes three meals and two hours of horseback riding a day; additional rides are $13 an hour. Two-night minimum on major holidays. D, MC, V, checks.
AT THE TWIN ELM GUEST RANCH, the leisurely pace is contagious. When I showed up, two guests, only recently arrived from New York City, were decompressing on the patio, admiring the sunset from the ranch’s perch on one of the area’s highest peaks overlooking the Medina River valley. They were surprisingly serene for big-city folk; even they seemed shocked at how quickly they were unwinding. This relaxed attitude extended to the ranch animals as well. As I walked beneath the oaks in the fading evening light, I came upon a dog and a white-tailed fawn dozing together on the lawn. (I touched them both to make sure they weren’t stuffed props.)
My Library
