Uncle Blubbafink's Seriously Ridiculous Stories
Uncle Blubbafink's Seriously Ridiculous Stories by Keith Graves, published by Scholastic Press
This is an excerpt from Keith Graves's latest book.
OK, so I'm Uncle Blubbafink.
Hello already. I hear you're looking for a good story or two. Well, you came to the right place. You want stories? I'll give you stories. Millions of 'em. True stories, mind you, not any of that fairy godmother hoo-ha. Actual historical events witnessed with my own eyes. Like the one about my old pal Abraham Sandwich. We used to surf together back in '67. . . .
Abraham Sandwich and George Washing Machine
It was about fourscore and seven years ago, give or take a score, when my old pal Abraham Sandwich moved to Miami. He built a nice log cabin right on the beach. Abe was a big fellow. He ate ham sandwiches like they were going out of style. But Abe was some surfer. Best three-hundred-pound surfer in Florida.
All the surfers called him "Honest Ham."
George Washing Machine lived next door to Honest Ham. George was a funny little guy who looked like a washing machine with skinny legs. And he had a thing about chopping down cherry trees. If George saw a cherry tree, bam! He'd chop it down. That's the kinda guy he was.
Well, one day Abe and I are out surfing and we're having so much fun we forget to eat lunch.
So Abe says, "I'm so hungry I could eat twelve ham sandwiches! Well, maybe not twelve exactly, but at least nine. Yeah, nine for sure." Honest Ham was a really honest guy, see.
I said, "Ham is good. I could eat ham."
We went home and opened his fridge. No ham. We looked in his backyard. All his ham trees were cut down.
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