January 2002

January 2002

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Features

Bum Steer Awards 2002

A year of avaricious Aggies, banned boogers, chagrined cheerleaders, dotty dwellings, expletive-deleted Enron, famous fugitives, Germanic goofs, horny highways, icky insects, judicial jests, kooky kidnappers, look-alike logos, misguided Mavericks, news-making nuts, ousted Osamas, problematic pachyderms, quirky quarterbacks, rampaging rats, scary skunks, tetrahydrocannibinol-filled tacos, unhealthy urbanites, volleyball vamps, wayward W's, x-rated x-hibitionists, young yahoos, and zany Zeta-Jones.

Deep Thoughts About Me

Am I a real person? (Yes.) Who died and made me king? (My father, the emperor.) Have I seen your piggy bank? (Yes, a little while ago. He was running away from home.) Any other questions?

by Jack Handey

Grand Royal

Director Wes Anderson's new movie, The Royal Tenenbaums, deals with death, despair, and other dark subjects. And—what do you know—it's hysterically funny.

by Pamela Colloff

Punchline Willie

We knew he could sing, of course. What we didn't know was that he had such a great sense of humor. Here are some of Willie Nelson's favorite jokes from his just-published memoir, The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes.

Yee-ha!

From cornball classics to rousing rib-ticklers, these two hundred Texas jokes are definitely on us.

Compiled by Anne Dingus

My Short, Unhappy Life as a Rodeo Clown

Once upon a time I thought I wanted to be a bullfighter (and not the kind that wears sequined tights). A legendary cowboy named Leon Coffee—and an animal named Pretty Boy—changed my mind.

by John Spong

Columns

Health

Death and Texas

Why does Potter County have the state's highest mortality rate? Poverty is only one answer.

by Jim Atkinson

Law

"Cheap! Cheap!"

To change the way recording contracts are created, the Dixie Chicks are taking their act to the courtroom.

by John Spong

Media

Paper Chase

Read all about it: Alpine residents win big during the town's newspaper war.

by Joe Nick Patoski

Behind the Lines

The Perfect Storm

Enron, rest in pieces.

by Mimi Swartz

Art

Amon High

With a massive addition to its gallery space and a host of new exhibitions in the works, Fort Worth's Amon Carter Museum is back in the saddle.

by Michael Ennis

Food and Drink

War Fare

When I discovered that a Texas company makes the portable meals our soldiers carry into battle, I got my orders to eat up. I knew I would complete my mission—or get indigestion trying.

by Patricia Sharpe

Reporter

You Are There

Austinite John Burnett reports from Pakistan's front line.

by John Burnett

First Person

Anne Wilkes Tucker

Houston museum curator Anne Wilkes Tucker collects photographs and praise.

Interview by Eileen Schwartz

First Person

Nerd Watching

Suzy Banks pays hommage to a nerd, her dad.

by Suzy Banks

The Filter

Pat's Pick

Pacific Overtures

Pat's Pick

Expert Advice

Pat's Pick

Eating Smart

Miscellaneous

Restaurant Guide

Edited by Patricia Sharpe, Patricia Busa McConnico, Eileen Schwartz and Jennifer Olsen

Web Extra

Bum's the Word

Senior executive editor Paul Burka talks about this year's Bum Steer issue, his favorite Bum Steer, and his pick for Bum Steer of the Year.

Around the State

Edited by Patricia Busa McConnico, Eileen Schwartz and Katy Vine

Web Extra

Who's That Girl?

Texas Monthly writer-at-large Kinky Friedman dresses up the January 2002 cover.

Interview by Brian D. Sweany

Web Extra

Now That's Comedy

What's so funny about an oilman, a rancher, a golfer, and a carnival hobo? Watch the following top ten funniest Texas movies to find out why these main characters (and others) are so hilarious.

by Don Graham