photographed for TEXAS MONTHLY by Dan Winters, styling by Bonnie Markel, grooming by Lucy Santamassino
January 2002
Table of Contents
Features
Bum Steer Awards 2002A year of avaricious Aggies, banned boogers, chagrined cheerleaders, dotty dwellings, expletive-deleted Enron, famous fugitives, Germanic goofs, horny highways, icky insects, judicial jests, kooky kidnappers, look-alike logos, misguided Mavericks, news-making nuts, ousted Osamas, problematic pachyderms, quirky quarterbacks, rampaging rats, scary skunks, tetrahydrocannibinol-filled tacos, unhealthy urbanites, volleyball vamps, wayward W's, x-rated x-hibitionists, young yahoos, and zany Zeta-Jones. Deep Thoughts About MeAm I a real person? (Yes.) Who died and made me king? (My father, the emperor.) Have I seen your piggy bank? (Yes, a little while ago. He was running away from home.) Any other questions? Grand RoyalDirector Wes Anderson's new movie, The Royal Tenenbaums, deals with death, despair, and other dark subjects. And—what do you know—it's hysterically funny. |
Punchline WillieWe knew he could sing, of course. What we didn't know was that he had such a great sense of humor. Here are some of Willie Nelson's favorite jokes from his just-published memoir, The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes. Yee-ha!From cornball classics to rousing rib-ticklers, these two hundred Texas jokes are definitely on us. My Short, Unhappy Life as a Rodeo ClownOnce upon a time I thought I wanted to be a bullfighter (and not the kind that wears sequined tights). A legendary cowboy named Leon Coffee—and an animal named Pretty Boy—changed my mind. |
Columns
HealthDeath and TexasWhy does Potter County have the state's highest mortality rate? Poverty is only one answer. Law"Cheap! Cheap!"To change the way recording contracts are created, the Dixie Chicks are taking their act to the courtroom. |
ArtAmon HighWith a massive addition to its gallery space and a host of new exhibitions in the works, Fort Worth's Amon Carter Museum is back in the saddle. Food and DrinkWar FareWhen I discovered that a Texas company makes the portable meals our soldiers carry into battle, I got my orders to eat up. I knew I would complete my mission—or get indigestion trying. |
Reporter
First PersonAnne Wilkes TuckerHouston museum curator Anne Wilkes Tucker collects photographs and praise. |
The Filter
Pat’s PickPacific Overtures |
Pat’s PickExpert AdvicePat’s PickEating Smart |
Miscellany
The Last RoundupThe Jest Is HistoryHow Neiman met Marcus and other facts you never learned in seventh grade. |
Web Exclusives
Bum's the WordSenior executive editor Paul Burka talks about this year's Bum Steer issue, his favorite Bum Steer, and his pick for Bum Steer of the Year. Who's That Girl?Texas Monthly writer-at-large Kinky Friedman dresses up the January 2002 cover. Now That's ComedyWhat's so funny about an oilman, a rancher, a golfer, and a carnival hobo? Watch the following top ten funniest Texas movies to find out why these main characters (and others) are so hilarious. Photo OpUniversity of Texas graduate and Pulitzer prize—winning photographer John McConnico talks about Pakistan and the perfect shot. Picture ThisTexas Monthly art director Scott Dadich talks about this month's cover image. Is It a Conspiracy?Writer Thomas Mallon talks about his new book and his fascination with presidential assassinations. |
What a Funny GuyA few of Willie Nelson's pals shed light on the Red Headed Stranger's humorous side. Texas History 101Things can get a little fruity in the Rio Grande Valley, especially during the Texas Citrus Fiesta. Texas TidbitsA name is just a name. Want to make a bet? Happy TrailsCan't decide which route between Houston and Austin is best? We've got the skinny on U.S. 290 versus Texas Highway 71. |
Recipes
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