Jessica Simpson
TEXAS MONTHLY ASSESSMENT OF KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS/
Basic Overview Of Bum Steers
NAME: Jessica Simpson
Level 1 Reality Comprehension
DIRECTIONS. Read the story. Then read each question and fill in the circle for the answer you choose.
DITSY DOLLY
Once upon a time there was a poor little Texas girl named Ditsy Dolly. She wanted to be blond and beautiful and irresistible when she grew up. She wanted to become a famous singer. She wanted to marry a handsome rock musician and share sweet kisses with him.
One day a fairy godmother visited Ditsy Dolly and told her that everything she wanted would come true if she could answer five questions using exactly the same words that a real live pop princess had used on her real live TV show. The fairy godmother gave Ditsy the magical test, and Ditsy crossed her fingers and promised God she’d be good for ever and ever if she passed, and then she set to work.
What would you say if …
1. … you were looking at a can of tuna?
O “Fish is brain food!”
O “How do I open this?”
O “Look, it’s Bill Parcells!”
O “Is this chicken—what I have—or is this fish? I know it’s tuna,
but it says chicken … by the sea.”
2. … you heard the word “platypus”?
O “Gesundheit!”
O “Here, kitty, kitty!”
O “I thought dinosaurs were extinct.”
O “Platypus? I thought it was pronounced ‘platy-mapus.’
Has it always been pronounced ‘platypus’?”
3. … someone mentioned the number 23?
O “That comes between 22 and 24.”
O “That’s my lucky number!”
O “That’s my waistline!”
O “Twenty-three is old. It’s almost twenty-five, which is,
like, almost mid-twenties.”
4. … you overheard the phrase ‘rigor mortis’?
O “Huh? I don’t speak Latin.”
O “Wasn’t she a character in that Addams Family movie?”
O “More what? Mine are big enough already.”
O “Rigor who?”
5. … you were offered buffalo wings?
O “Nu-uh, I’m a vegetarian.”
O “With that yucky sauce? No way—this shirt cost three hundred dollars!”
O “No, thanks, I don’t like to fly.”
O “No, thanks, I don’t eat buffalo.”
Answers: 1, d. 2, d. 3, d. 4, d. 5, d.
[Correct quotes (“d” answers) from Newlyweds, the MTV reality show starring pop singer Jessica Simpson, a native of Abilene who grew up in Richardson, and her husband, Nick Lachey, a member of the pop group 98 Degrees, as printed in the November 27, 2003, issue of Rolling Stone.]
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