Good Vibrations
How a woman who sold sex toys in Burleson became public enemy number one and survived the bad buzz.
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In 1993, after spending ten years in the Army, Chris brought his wife and children to Burleson, where he went to work for his uncle in the home construction business. Chris led a Sunday school class at a small Baptist church that they joined, and Joanne sang in the church choir. Joanne also taught fifth grade at one of the elementary schools. But if she thought she was going to blend into the crowd in Burleson, she was sorely mistaken. "When I first saw Joanne, she came into the bank wearing these little baby-doll shoes and a real short skirt and a top that was very low," Shanda Perkins told me. "I thought, 'Well, this is not something you see around here on an everyday basis.'"
Burleson has long been regarded as one of the most conservative suburbs in Texas, the kind of place that seems designed to protect its citizens from temptation. There are, for instance, no topless bars in Burleson and no nightclubs with large dance floors. On the water tower is the inscription "Burleson—A City of Character," and to make sure Burleson stays that way, its city leaders have adopted a program called Character First in which Burleson residents, young and old, receive brochures at their businesses, churches, and schools reminding them of the importance of maintaining such values as honesty and decency. In the mid-nineties, when a sculpture of the Burleson High School mascot, an elk, was placed in the school's lobby, concerned school administrators had red shorts placed over the elk's genitalia so as not to disturb the sensitivities of the teenagers.
No one has been more diligent about maintaining Burleson's moral tranquillity than the Gillaspie family. Gloria Gillaspie, whose great-great-great uncle, a Baptist preacher, founded the town in the 1880's, was so concerned about making sure that Burleson's youth were given the right kind of Christian grounding that in the mid-seventies she quit her secular job and started her own youth center in the heart of the city, which she eventually turned into a church because so many of the kids' parents were also showing up at the center to listen to her Bible studies. In Texas it is extremely rare to find a woman leading a theologically fundamentalist church, but today the Lighthouse Church of Burleson has about six hundred members, all of whom seem to adore Gloria, who is in her mid-sixties and who has fluffy white hair and whose sermons are usually focused on the joys of living a Christ-centered life, free from the sins of the flesh. She makes sure that her services are upbeat, with a live band and young female soloists who sing contemporary Christian songs, their voices equal to that of Kelly Clarkson's, the Burleson native who won the first American Idol television competition, in 2002. "We are a community for families who love old-fashioned family values," said Gloria. "We care about decency. We care about raising children the right way. That is, after all, why so many families want to move here."
The four Gillaspie children inherited their mother's love for the Burleson way of life. During their teenage years, Shanda, the oldest, and her sister, Richelle, were the most popular girls in town. Shanda was a junior high school cheerleader and was voted best-dressed in high school despite the fact that her mother would only allow her to wear skirts that came just above the knee. Richelle, who according to the family was miraculously cured in childhood of severely twisted ankles during a Wednesday-night prayer meeting, was voted most beautiful in high school. Today, they sing in the choir at their mother's church (Richelle also works there as the church secretary) and lead Bible studies or teach Sunday school. The two Gillaspie sons are equally devout members of their mother's church. Otis lives just outside Burleson and runs a drinking-water business, and Stuart is another Gillaspie "miracle child," who was supposed to have been born dead (doctors had told Gloria when she was pregnant with him that they couldn't hear a heartbeat) but was born healthy. Stuart is now a Burleson city councilman who is not embarrassed to say that he makes political decisions based on God's will. According to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Stuart raised his hands skyward during a recent public meeting about a proposal to allow alcohol in Burleson restaurants and declared, "Alcohol is not our salvation . . . The blessings of God have rained down our way. God is our salvation."
Because of Shanda's bank job—she is in charge of marketing and new-business development for First State Bank Texas—it is almost impossible not to see her around town, driving from one place to another in her PT Cruiser, which has the name of her husband's graphic design and printing company, Hosannah Graphics, displayed on the windows. Shanda is a charming woman, and she can be very persuasive chatting with Burleson businessmen about the benefits of her bank. "How are you?" she exclaims, her voice buttery as a biscuit, when a favorite customer comes through the door. "It's so good to see you!"
It has been suggested by some observers of the vibrator war that one reason Shanda was unhappy about Joanne's arrival in Burleson was because of the way Joanne, the new girl in town, was able to draw so much attention. Not true, Shanda told me. But she did admit that Joanne created a sensation with her short skirts, which she wore when she took her children to school, when she went to the grocery store, and when she went to church. "Here comes Joanne," people would whisper whenever she made an appearance. "Let's see how short her skirt is this time."
People hadn't seen anyone like Chris either. Almost everywhere he went, he wore sleeveless shirts and form-fitting shorts that he had bought from the International Male catalog. On weekends he was often seen jogging through Burleson in flimsy running shorts decorated with the Texas flag. What's more, he covered his office walls with a collection of forties-era calendars of voluptuous women as well as photos of Catherine Bach, the actress known for her "Daisy Duke" shorts on The Dukes of Hazzard. "He loved to flirt with women," Shanda said. "One time he saw me at the bank and complimented me on my legs, which I thought was inappropriate. Besides, I thought, how would he know what my legs look like? My legs were covered."
"Yes, I was a professional flirt," Chris said. "And Joanne was a pretty young thing. But that was just the way we were. It didn't make us bad people."
IN THE LATE NINETIES THE WEBBS began to step up in Burleson. Chris opened his own custom-home building and remodeling company. Joanne quit her teaching job and became one of the most active volunteers in town, showing up in her sporty red Mustang convertible to help out at such events as Honeyfest, Founders Day, and the Tour de Burleson bike race. She and Chris became members of the Burleson Chamber of Commerce, and Joanne joined the Ambassadors Club, the all-volunteer public-relations arm of the chamber. As an Ambassador, she not only attended ribbon-cutting ceremonies for businesses that had joined the chamber but also visited other new businesses opening in the area, trying to recruit them to join the chamber too. "She was extremely active, a devoted volunteer, one of the best recruiters the chamber had," said the chamber's president, Greg Solomon. Her rival for top chamber recruiter was none other than Shanda Perkins.
At ribbon-cuttings, there they would be, both of them on the front row for the group picture—"Two women living parallel lives in the same universe," said Kelli Spears, a fellow Ambassador who, like many of the other Ambassadors, loved studying Shanda and Joanne. Shanda was not an unfashionable dresser: With her business suits she often wore strappy sandals and painted her toenails pink. But she simply would not show her thighs or any cleavage because, as she told me, "The Bible teaches us to dress modestly. Our attractiveness comes from the way we let the spirit of Christ shine through our lives." Meanwhile, Joanne never appeared at a ribbon-cutting without a miniskirt, and just after her forty-first birthday, she appeared at the ceremonies with new breasts. Her implants had taken her from an A cup to a whopping D cup. In a photo taken at one ribbon-cutting ceremony, a man who had just opened a gas station in Burleson could be seen openly gawking at Joanne's breasts while she tried to hand him a plaque that welcomed him to the city.
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