David Courtney
A Temple, Texas, native, David Courtney is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He joined Texas Monthly in October 2005 and in July 2007 debuted his wildly popular advice column, the Texanist. He will be the recipient of many accolades, honors, and awards.
Features
The Texanist's Parenting Quiz
How are you doing as a raiser of authentic Texan offspring? Take this handy quiz and find out.
The Great Terquasquicentennial Road Trip
Some people call it a quartoseptcentennial, or a septaquintaquinquecentennial (seriously), but you’d better save your breath. You’ll need it on this wide-ranging 6,000-mile voyage commemorating Texas’s 175th birthday. It starts in Glen Rose, ends in Austin, and stops along the way at 175 places that tell the story of the state, from the grassy field in La Porte where independence was won to the parking garage in Dallas where the Super Bowl was dreamed up; from the Austin dorm room where Dell Inc. was born to the college hall in Houston where Barbara Jordan learned to debate; from the hotel in San Antonio where Lydia Mendoza recorded “Mal Hombre” to the—well, you get the idea. And you’d better get started. The road awaits . . .
The Texanist’s Favorite Road Food
The Bucket List
Driving the River Road, in far West Texas; having a drink at the Mansion on Turtle Creek, in Dallas; fishing for bass in Caddo Lake; eating a chicken-fried steak in Strawn; searching for a lightning whelk along the coast; and 58 other things that all Texans must do before they die.
Famous Texans on Their Favorite Burgers
The 50 Greatest Hamburgers In Texas
On our first-ever quest for the state’s best burgers, we covered more than 12,000 miles, ate at more than 250 restaurants, and gained, collectively, more than 40 pounds. Our dauntless determination (and fearless fat intake) was rewarded with a list of 50 transcendent burgers—and you’ll never guess which one ended up on top. Check out our Best Burger section.
Bright Skies, Big Shell
The 40 Best Small-Town Cafes
Our exhaustive, exhausting, strictly scientific (and lamentably fattening) survey of the finest home cooking around, from Maxine’s on Main, in Bastrop, to El Paraiso, in Zapata.
BBQ08
Eighteen hungry reviewers. 14,773 miles driven/flown. 341 joints visited. Countless bites of brisket, sausage, chicken, pork, white bread, potato salad, and slaw—and vats of sauce—ingested. There are only fifty slots on our quinquennial list of the best places to eat barbecue in Texas. Only five of those got high honors. And only one (you’ll never guess which one in a million years) is the best of the best.
Child’s Play
Summer vacation is right around the corner, but that doesn’t mean you should panic. We’ve rounded up 68 of our favorite things to do with your toddlers, teens, and every kid in between. Dance the hokey pokey. Rope a horse. Eat way too many hot dogs. Zip down a waterslide. And yes, feed the animals.
Thank God It’s Friday
And Saturday. And Sunday. The arrival of fall means weekends spent watching football, up close and on-screen, and yet another opportunity to love the greatest game on earth for all the usual reasons. Forty-nine of them, in fact.
Water, Water Everywhere
From kayaking on Town Lake to mountain biking around Joe Pool Lake, from bass fishing on Lake Fork to horseback riding on the shores of Lake Whitney, here are some of our favorite things to do in, on, and around Texas lakes.
Columns | Miscellany
The Texanist
On pecan picking, marrying a Californian, and apartment dwelling . . .
The Texanist
The Texanist
The Texanist
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
The Texanist on tailgating, winterizing grass, and beer cocktails.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
On tomboys, spiciness, and the end of the UT-A&M rivalry.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Stray dogs, baby-blue guayaberas, matters of pigskin loyalty, and the proper disposal of beer cans at the beach.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Unwelcome shotgun blasts, unwanted mustaches, uncouth behavior, and the un-bare-able truth about going sockless in your cowboy boots.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Violent mockingbirds, farm-to-market roads, football versus lacrosse, and the incredible nerve of storekeepers who charge for spit cups.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Boot-scooting in the right direction, leaving New York, wondering about the yardman, and trying out the cowgirl look when you’re no longer 25.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
How to respond to those weird bumper testicles, pledge allegiance to the flag, ask to see the top of someone’s boots, and decide between sweet and dill.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Disciplining a wayward niece, care packages for Texas soldiers, revisiting South Padre, and the truth about raccoon penis bones.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Learning to speak Texan, postprandial bed-sharing, how to start a fire, and a barber shop conundrum.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Watching the Super Bowl on the sly, meeting the Hill Country neighbors, sharing a bed with man and dog, and smoking grapevine.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Enforcing gravel-road etiquette, contemplating “turkey bacon,” reconsidering the bolo tie, and sussing out the true meaning of “goat roper.”
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Spousal adjustments, fly abatement, soccer parenting, and the truth about creased jeans.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Passing a tractor, building a barbecue pit, luxury pickups, and the trials of a Canadian Texan Down Under.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Picking bluebonnets, pastry terminology, angling laws, and the best way to respond to a speeding ticket.
Offering fine advice since 2007
Nicknames, parental discretion, summer camp, and the best way to talk about breast enlargement.
Offering fine advice since 2007
Animal cruelty, greasy handshakes, offerings of meat, and Texas toasts—the spoken kind.
Offering fine advice since 2007
Oyster aphrodisiacs, hat manners, drill team attire, and why a man needs a weekender.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
School colors, wedding music, spare-ticket reimbursement, and why not to plant a mesquite for dear old granddad.
Offering fine advice since 2007
Aisle-scooting etiquette, slaughtering a turkey, skunk remedies, and the proper way to approach a group of ladies at a dance hall.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
The disappearing hi sign, an off-color in-law, outdoor urination, and the critical function of weather-related small talk.
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
School yard bullying, game-day taunts, gambling etiquette, and children who dislike bones in their meat.
Offering fine advice since 2007
Wayward dog droppings, “barbecue” versus “grill,” flag displays, and the best way to get a husband to slim down.
Offering fine advice since 2007
Roadside mysteries, state symbols, a daughter’s attire, and the proper display of local feats on water towers.
Offering fine advice since 2007
Rude diners, fraudulent Texans, anniversary presents, and the problem with mail-order steaks.
The Texanist
A fond look back at Temple, a.k.a. Ratsville and/or Tanglefoot, that fair burg wherein your dedicated advice columnist learned the location of the thin line between right and wrong.
Offering fine advice since 2007
Dance hall guilt, faded accents, SUVs with “Truck” plates, and the ancient initiation ceremony at which a young Texan male is presented with his first firearm.
The Texanist
Ranch dreams; misbegotten handicapped parking placards; nonsensical-sounding Texas sayings; and what to do about a squirrel-hating, BB gun–toting elderly neighbor with a happy trigger finger.
The Texanist
The trouble with black beans, an unnatural attachment to Texas license plates, the perils of striking up a conversation in the restroom, and the discomfort of two men riding together on the same Harley.
The Texanist
Vegetarian offspring, a barroom dispute, maintaining the “Texas identity,” and whether anything can be done to cure a marriage-threatening case of snoring.
The Texanist
Pink camouflage, Floridian “friends,” a bedtime dilemma, and whether or not it’s acceptable to mock Chileans for their flag’s similarity to ours.
Reporter
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Can I wear a football jersey to church?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
What’s to be done with annoying neighbors?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Can I unfriend a Facebook friend?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Will hiring a yard guy make me soft?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Does keeping a found twelve-pack of beer constitute stealing?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Propane or charcoal?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Can I mow my prickly pear?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
What’s the best cure for jellyfish stings?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Must I pose with my kids in the bluebonnets?
Offering fine advice since 2007
What’s the best way to break in new boots?
Offering fine advice since 2007
What to do with a yard full of varmints.
Offering fine advice since 2007
When can a child receive his first gun?
Offering fine advice since 2007
Should men get pedicures?
Offering fine advice since 2007
Can I buy my dateless daughter a homecoming mum?
Offering fine advice since 2007
Can you ask your buddy to put sunscreen on your back?
Offering fine advice since 2007
Can one have too many Texas tattoos?
Offering fine advice since 2007
Help! My campsite neighbors are making love. Loudly.
Offering fine advice since 2007
How high is too high to jack up a truck?
Offering fine advice since 2007
Can you park in your friend’s front yard?
Offering fine advice since 2007
Is it okay to dip and spit at the office?
Offering fine advice since 2007
When is it okay to say you’re from Texas?
Traveling the Back Roads
Bob Phillips on the roads less traveled.
Multimedia
The Texanist Unleashed
To dip or not to dip? That is the question we asked unsuspecting passers-by in downtown Austin.
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