Actually, Tom Scocca’s Slate proposal to Kobe-ize the NBA doesn’t acknowledge the Mavs’ existence.
Nobody wants to watch basketball from flyover country. Not even people from flyover country want to watch flyover basketball. Witness the San Antonio Spurs, an old-time ABA squad and the greatest basketball team of the current era. Or rather, don’t witness them. The Spurs have won four titles in the past nine years—and have drawn the three lowest NBA Finals TV ratings in that span.
I like the Spurs, personally. I like blood sausage, too, but I don’t expect McDonald’s to start selling it to me. America, as a whole, turns its back on the Spurs. It’s not their style of play that’s to blame. Sure, they’re a grinding defensive team, with two streak shooters and one all-time-great big man who refuses to put up all-time-great scoring performances. But that also describes the Celtics. And the Spurs do whine to the referees a lot, but that never hurt John McEnroe. Besides, none of the complaints against the Spurs explains why the public won’t even embrace them as villains. If rooting for the New York Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel, rooting against San Antonio is like rooting against Archer Daniels Midland. What is San Antonio? How can people care about it?…
Not every surviving team would have to be great, but they would all need to have recognizable identities. No more Atlanta Hawks. Instead of trying to rebrand the lifeless New Jersey Nets as the Brooklyn Nets, just send them into limbo. One team from Texas is plenty—let Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili join the Houston Rockets…
Scocca’s kicker is a bit more Texas-friendly:
Alas, David Stern’s NBA is going in the opposite direction. Even as the league basks in a Boston-Los Angeles showdown, the owners are trying to help a consortium of hicks pry rookie of the year Kevin Durant and the Supersonics out of Seattle (Gary Payton! Jack Sikma! The Space Needle!) and move the team to the hick town of Oklahoma City in the hick state of Oklahoma. It’s hard to feel too bad for Durant, though. If he keeps on developing, it’s only a matter of time till he ends up in Los Angeles
A “consortium of hicks?” Wasn’t Steven Soderbergh supposed to make a movie of that novel?
Of course, it’s pointless to take issue with something that is ultimately tongue-in-cheek, but Atlanta’s flyover country? Granted, the team sucks. And I suppose that Delta is about to disappear (or is Northwest taking their name)? And hey, I love Seattle, but if those Okies weren’t in the picture, there is no way that the city would fit into Scocca’s theory. Besides that: Gary Payton and Jack Sikma? What about George Gervin and Swen Nater? Swen Nater! (I just like to say it).
But Scocca’s larger point is something that I actually said myself on someone else’s blog not long ago: In all sports, fans and media will always say how refreshing it is to get a break from dynasties or giant-market teams, but the ratings always say otherwise.