I Was Drunk, I Needed the Wine
Washington PR executive, regular Republican commentator, and Tucker Carlson wannabe David Bass has been charged with a federal felony under the U.S. Patriot Act—punishable by up to 20 years in prison—for being drunk and abusive on a flight into Reagan National. But in his defense, he claims he was “out of it” on allergy medication and just wanted a glass of wine. Who do you have to hijack around here to get a glass of wine?!
“They refused to serve me wine because they said I appeared drunk,” Bass told POLITICO. He explained that he had been taking Benadryl and that he was “extremely sleep deprived.” Also? “I have a bad history of traveling south.” What the hell does that mean? A “bad history”? Like holding a flight attendant hostage if he can’t get an extra bag of Cheese Nips?
Bass was coming home from Honduras and hadn’t slept for three days. Sounds like a bender. And Honduras? NOBODY goes to Honduras unless your husband has family there and even then there’s NO WAY I’m going to Honduras.
In a sworn affidavit, FBI Agent David Wiegand said that Bass had appeared drunk and abusive on the flight, demanding alcohol and refusing orders to “shut the f*ck up” and “sit the f*ck down.” According to one of the flight attendants, “Bass refused to obey the instructions and disrupted everyone in as much as he entered the aircraft’s galley several times and crawled over the person seated next to him in order to access the overhead storage compartments and the aircraft’s lavatory.”
He CRAWLED OVER the person sitting next to him? How awesome is that? In all fairness, I can see getting a little riled up over not being served a glass of wine. The best thing to do if a flight attendant tries to cut you off is to say that you’re sleeping with the pilot and will have her fired.
Tagged: david bass.
whiskeydent says:
I didn’t know the Appilachian Trail went through Honduras.
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Jed says:
accessing the overhead bins and going potty too often contribute to a felony indictment?
man, felony has really let itself go.
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Harold Cook says:
Maybe there was wine in the overhead bins or the lavatory. It all makes perfect sense to me, sign me up as a character witness for the defense. And get me another drink.
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MonkeyMan says:
For a PR guy, his story really sucks. He needs to hire a good PR guy, and he needs to quit shopping from his grandfather’s Brooks Brothers mail order catalog. It’s not even old school, just tired school.
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West Texas Hillbilly says:
I say we electrocute him for being an asshole.
/and wearing a bow tie.
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Don't Mess w/ Pink Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Never trust a man wearing a bow tie, unless he also happens to be wearing a tux. Especially a man whose lame excuse is “I was taking benadryl.” Come on. “I was sick with worry over the boy in the balloon” would have been much funnier.
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potted meat says:
What Would Perry Do?
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Alan Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Perry would fire everyone who was on the plane (and he’d have the passengers fired from wherever they work for good measure). I’ve been to Honduras before and that is not a fun airport to fly out of. The last thing I would want is to be stuck at 30,000 feet with a prep-tastic Drunky McDrunkington wreaking havoc.
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treehugger says:
I want one of those Billy Bass things but instead of singing “Take Me to the River”, says, Shut the f*uck up and Sit the f*uck down.
/bow tie optional
//Shit, forgot we were a family blog. Sorry.
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potted potted meat Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 11:10 am
I think that is what Laura says to Dubya these days.
/Eat these pretzels.
drinking mandatory…….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_z5HtME9n8
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Book 'Em Danno! says:
I’ll bet you scotch and soda he’d been drunk for three days on some sort of Honduran moonshine and just needed a glass of wine to calm his nerves.
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lush says:
Can’t hold his booze/drugs AND wears bowties? Undatable. Peace out.
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West Texas Hillbilly says:
I don’t think your type is on his flight path.
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ftwsteve says:
I can always depend on PL to highlight someone’s drinking disorder.
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Eileen Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
It makes me feel better about myself. As in, hey, at least I’ve never been charged with a federal crime!
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potted meat Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
yea, right.
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capitol dave Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Yet.
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ellie says:
Inquiring minds want to know what happened in the airport bar in Honduras before he boarded the flight. There’s a pre-quel in here somewhere that just needs to see daylight.
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treehugger says:
Maybe it was remorse for seeking Honduran advice on how to stage a Coup to remove an elected President from office.
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Chilicook says:
Pulling a Victoria Osteen violates the Patriot Act?
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Eileen Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
And, incidentally, God’s law.
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Anonymous says:
Sounds like the guy I know.
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