There’s a Phobia For That
Last year I crashed a children’s Halloween party dressed as “Drunk Hillary,” still reeling from the after effects of a very rough primary. The year before that I stayed in so I could hand out candy to ungrateful and, frankly, unattractive children begging at my door. This year I can’t decide what to do. I have no costume but the thought of staying home and consuming enough Reese’s peanut butter cups for a 300-pound man just seems like a bad idea. I’ll probably be like all those other lame people who show up to Halloween parties with no costume. Kind of like what the cool kids (the ones who “drank” and “smoked” and “got naked”) did in high school because I guess there’s nothing cool about a 15-year-old dressed up like a giant hershey kiss. If I had only known then what I know now.
If you’re planning on celebrating All Hallows Eve tomorrow night, you should be thankful. Some people are terrified of Halloween. It’s an actual phobia called samhainophobia. It’s defined as an “irrational fear” but tell that to the sufferers hiding in their homes breathing into a paper bag and screaming at the sight of snack size candy bars. Now samhainophobiacs have another reason to worry. A bunch of new members of the NRA Wine Club, mostly from this blog, wandering around the streets. Guns don’t kill people. Winos holding guns kill people.
Chilicook says:
¡Feliz noche de brujas!
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Eileen Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Please. This is an English-only blog.
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LegeBoy Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
I think he meant, “Feliz manana de crupo.” Muy disculpe, senora.
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treehugger says:
Reese’s peanut butter cups won’t stay on the hook.
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ellie says:
You could go as Hillary again. But you’d have to fix your hair. Buttery highlights. Can you do?
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Anonymous Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Are you saying I don’t already have buttery highlights? All those years of sun-in for nothing.
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Anonymous Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Uh, that was me. PL. Apparently my iPhone doesn’t remember me.
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ellie Reply:
November 1st, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Technology is not your friend.
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potted meat says:
This is my opportunity to say that people who decorate their yard in “halloween”, are pagan anti Christmas voodoo-do’s.
Yard decor is for CHRISTMAS!!!!, JUST LIKE JESUS TOLD US IN HE BOOK OF LIGHTS, CHAPTER 3.
No Easter bunny stuff either. Jesus is pretty specific about this, I’m pretty sure.
/give away 3 muskateers, another clue on the road to Heaven. Years of Catholic education didn’t go to waste.
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Austinmom Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
PM – you just made me laugh out loud!
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Big Sis says:
Hubby and I are dressing as Thurston Howell III and Lovey. We want to pretend to be incredibly rich people…
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West Texas Hillbilly says:
Guns don’t kill people, Reese’s peanut butter cups do. I’m going as a teabagger. What!?
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Anonymous Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
/what?!
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Dave Reply:
November 1st, 2009 at 11:54 pm
WTx, you’re a funny guy, I’ll admit. But you farted and fell on that one.
Sorry.
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Rog says:
A short lesson, just for you, on how we arrived at Halloween.
All Saints Day, in Middle English, is Alholowmesse, later converted to All-hallowmas
The Evening before became All hallows evening
Then All hallows even
Then Halowe’en
And Halloween
Why costumes are worn on Halloween will be another lesson.
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Dave Reply:
November 1st, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Oh my God. How insightful.
Dude. Almost everyone knows that shit.
Let’s talk more about how Christmas is really a pagan holiday. You’ll blow people’s minds!
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dickbird says:
Go as Hillary again this year, ask for a treat and then turn a trick.
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LegeBoy Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Cool, dickbird! Tricks, like at your mom’s house. I love Halloween.
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Don't Mess w/ Pink says:
Who are you calling a wino? I drink bourbon.
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potted poltergeist meat says:
BOO!
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Dave says:
Halloween as an intro to a gun rights argument.
Very intelligent.
(Scattered applause).
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potted poltergeist meat says:
My neighbor was handing out shotgun shells to everyone dressed like Cheney.
There were 3.
They waterboarded my neighbor. Go figure.
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Pinkles says:
Okay, so we let the critters out, we shadowed them as they did their song and dance, most folks were very, very cool
the candy was great
but someone had their outside done up for Christmas. Nativity, lights, candy candes along the driveway, and the whole deal
am praying it doesn’t belong to a soldier who isn’t gonna be home this year
on the off-chance that it belonged to anyone SO wanting to prove that Halloween is “anti-Christian”
Lights off would’ve been enough. Besides the guilt factor don’t come until Easter.
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treehugger says:
Alas we were dark. As much as I was looking forward to some catch and release trick or treater action, Mrs. treehugger’s got the hini flu(mild version)so we thought it best not to pass out viruses. I resisted putting up a swine quarantine sign on the front door. I sure do hope I’m not some sort of carrier. No symtoms yet, anyway.
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dickbird Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Was that “hinney” or “H1N1″ flu that your wife had? There’s all sorts of good butt putties out there for the “hinney” variety.
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Pinkles says:
Just getting over it at our place, TH; it’s a wooly booger, comes hard and fast esp on the kiddos
I just hope we’re about done with it, and hope the wife feels better soon
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Don't Mess w/ Pink says:
Dave, you do know the need to be insulting is generally a manifestation of one’s own insecurities, right?
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potted poltergeist meat says:
Weird how Dave showed up on Halloween, after a long absence.
Must be one of those vampire folks: they are EVERYWHERE.
/Glad zombies are making a comeback: at least they are real: candidates for death panel discussions, from 2 perspectives, no less!!
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