So how did you spend your extra hour yesterday? I spent it watching “V: The Original” on the Sci-Fi channel. My GOD, there were so many things I missed when I was 12! Like the fact that there was this whole Nazi comparison thing going on, with brainwashing and the resistance and torture. Before you accuse me of being a loser, I know you know who Donovan is. The new “V” starring that guy from Party of Five premieres tomorrow night. (By the way, the aliens are really lizards and they DO NOT come in peace. Spoiler.)

During the commercials, after looking up all the actors and actresses on Wikipedia to see what happened to them after they fell off the face of the earth, I read about that congressional race in upstate New York and how Republican candidate Dede Scozzafava dropped out because she wasn’t Republican enough. Apparently all these conservative Republican luminaries (Sarah Palin, Tim Pawlenty, Dick Armey) threw their support to some guy named Douglas Hoffman who’s running on the “Conservative Party” ticket. What? Hasn’t that position already been filled? By the “Republican Party”? OMG!

Former presidential candidate and Law & Order district attorney Fred Thompson also backed Hoffman saying, “America is in trouble… When your grandchildren ask you why you didn’t do something, be able to tell them you voted for Doug Hoffman.” Wow. I’m sure your grandkids will be impressed. Hey, Pop-Pop! Tell us again about that time you voted!

After being wooed by the White House, Scozzafava ended up endorsing Democratic candidate Bill Owens. Now people are calling this race a “battleground” over the Republican party’s future. Haven’t the conservatives already won? I mean, what moderate Republicans are left? Olympia Snowe? Scozzafava was definitely a moderate—she supports gay rights and abortion rights—but does that make her too liberal to be a Republican? Tell me Michael Steele’s urban-suburban hip-hop off-the-hook drop-it-low what-up big tent campaign wasn’t all for naught.

This is a Republican-leaning district and the race is too close to call. The question is if the voters of Oswego, Ogdensburg, Plattsburgh, and Watertown—the voters who will decide the fate of Republicans everywhere—want an archconservative or a Democrat. It’ll be interesting to see how it turns out. But nowhere near as interesting as “V: The Final Battle.” Someone make me a half-lizard baby sandwich!

Tagged: bill owens, Dede Scozzafava, doug hoffman.