Family Planning
As you sit around the table with family and loved ones this Thanksgiving, it’s important to remember what we’re celebrating. We’re celebrating gluttony, one of the seven deadly sins, which appear on the RNC’s purity checklist. Every Thanksgiving I fast most of the day so I can feel entirely justified eating twice my body weight in garlic mashed potatoes with gravy, scalloped potatoes, and marshmallow-layered sweet potatoes. Hey, I’m Irish. It’s either 15 different types of potatoes or rock-hard soda bread washed down with Guinness.
Then there are the pies. Even though on any other day you’d forgo dessert after stuffing yourself, the traditional Thanksgiving dinner is not the time for moderation. If you don’t eat a slice of pecan, a slice of pumpkin, and a slice of apple a la mode right now you may never get the chance again. Because THE WORLD MIGHT RUN OUT OF PIE. Of course, there’s always the day after Thanksgiving when people seem to have forgotten how much they ate the night before and, anyway, if the leftovers are cold, it doesn’t seem quite as caloric. Growing up, we used to have Boston Cream Pie and we would eat it first thing the next morning. It’s basically a cake with pudding on the inside. I mean, are you kidding me? That blows Lucky Charms out of the water.
This holiday season, be thankful that your family is not The Family. I was listening to an interview on NPR this afternoon with a journalist who’s been following the covert alliance known as The Family—a secretive fellowship of powerful Christian politicians (including Mark Sanford and John Ensign) working out of a townhouse in DC. A townhouse? Couldn’t they at least afford a duplex? These guys are, how do I put this without offending crazy people, super crazy. They target the wealthy and powerful while ignoring the poor and destitute because that’s what God told their leader to do, kind of like the Scientology of politics. They have been referred to by critics as the Christian mafia, which is kind of like the pink mafia but without the sex and the booze.
Of course, maybe your family is part of The Family. Here’s one way to find out. After exchanging niceties with a relative, casually drop the phrase “Seven Mountains Mandate” into the conversation and see if you get a reaction.
See you Monday.
Tagged: Jeff Sharlet, the family.
WUSRPH says:
It would do them a lot more good if they spent more time reading the Seven Storey Mountain than talking about the “Seven Mountains Mandate”. (We will see just how Catholic you are if you understand this one.)
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Dr J says:
“They have been referred to by critics as the Christian mafia, which is kind of like the pink mafia but without the sex and the booze.”
Ahem. We should all be so lucky as to have as much sex and Ensign and Sanford. Try again.
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You say potato, I say potato says:
Wow, I was distressed because my husband was insisting on making some fancy mashed potatoes whereas I had already made our TRADITIONAL sweet potatoes covered in brown sugar and such that will have marshmallows browned on them before they hit the serving line. It is nice to know we won’t be the only starch laden Thanksgiving in town.
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West Texas Hillbilly says:
Seven Mountain Man Dates? Sounds like gay porn to me.
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WUSRPH says:
A hint:
Avoid bathing with an electric fan on the side of the tub.
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treehugger says:
Pie for strength!
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Jed says:
nice kucinich reference.
finally, something to be thankful for.
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potted meat says:
I stay with the sweet potato treat….mmmmmm….
regular spuds: any old time.
Orange mush: holidays! yummy.
I heard the NPR interview. His book is a best seller, so maybe these creeps are getting exposed (!?!?!)
/Happy TG to all. Feel your blessings. Forgive and be free.
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potted pie meat says:
Cherry pie/ Chocolate cream pie.
Heaven X 2.
/Pie good. Fire bad.
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texun says:
Don’t miss the humble pie at KBH’s.
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Credentials says:
“It is nice to know we won’t be the only starch laden Thanksgiving in town.”
Yeah, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that. This is the South, remember? We love our starches here – fried, mashed, baked, boiled … Good stuff.
I personally had FIVE different kinds of potatoes at my TV station’s pot luck yesterday. Count ‘em, five. And there was plenty, since the skinny TV personalities who work here wouldn’t go near them. Or my cheesy-veggie-casserole. Which I believe might be considered a crime in some counties. …
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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Nate Reply:
November 25th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
And a happy Thanksgiving to you and Eileen. Now, I’m going to eat some cheese stuffed crust DiGiorno and watch a Whatever, Martha marathon on the cable.
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Nate says:
Actually, Eileen, even though some refer to them as the Christian mafia, they themselves hate using the word ‘Christian.’ It is very taboo at C Street. They use fundamentalist or evangelical because they reject traditional Christian teaching.
Their founding principle is that God wants the strong and the rich to rule the world, not the meek and the poor.
Democrat Bart Stupak (of Stupak amendment infamy) rents a room at C Street, as does Republican co-writer of that amendment Joe Pitts. When Stupak mentioned he rents the room, C Street lost its tax exempt status as a church and may owe 20 years of back taxes for renting out rooms.
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West Texas Hillbilly says:
Let’s see here now. Exhibit A is a religious organization with the goal of controlling religion, families, education, government, media, arts (including Hollywood and sports), and business (including technology). This religious organization intends to do this, either overtly or covertly, by taking over leadership of each area.
Ladies and gentleman, I present the American Taliban.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQbGnJd9poc from a lecture last year in the holy city of Austin, Texas.
/He (their word) who controls government, controls the mightiest army known to mankind. God willing. Today I am thankful for the free press. Happy Thanksgiving y’all!
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Don't Mess w/ Pink says:
Whoa. Just whoa. So, according to Lance (and his friends who hear god talking to them — uh …) the founding fathers must = Satan, because of all that separation of church and state shit.
/This week, I am thankful for the founding fathers. Whether I burn in hell or not.
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potted pie meat says:
So the interesting question of the week is, When Jesus said, “Render unto God what is God’s, and render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar’s…..” What did he have in mind?…….
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West Texas Hillbilly says:
Salad dressing.
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potted pie meat says:
Makes sense to me.
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