Next Time Try the Cheetos
Sometimes words escape me. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does, it goes like this. I read something, I cover my mouth in shock, I read it again to make sure my glass eye isn’t playing tricks on me, I start screaming Oh My God Listen To This!!, my colleagues ignore me, I try again yelling Oh My God You’re Not Going to Believe This!!, I start getting excited because it’s all so fantastic, I turn to my laptop and…
Nothing. I can’t improve upon it. It’s just that good.
Bill Clinton’s chief of staff when he was governor of Arkansas is expected to turn herself in after authorities issued a bench warrant for her arrest for allegedly smuggling contraband into a state prison. Betsey Wright allegedly smuggled a red Doritos bag containing 48 tattoo needles, a pen with tweezers and a needle inside, a Swiss Army knife and a box cutter into the Varner Unit, a high-security state prison in Grady, Arkansas.
I would say this is Lifetime-ready but I don’t think even Meredith Baxter Birney would touch it. Apparently Wright is an advocate for prisoners and has “befriended” many of them. No word if conjugal visits are involved. So let’s review. Tattoo needles. Tweezers. Swiss Army knife. Box cutter. Let’s not jump to conclusions. As I learned in jury selection yesterday, people are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. That was two hours well spent.
Tagged: betsey wright, clinton chief of staff, doritos, grady arkansas, state prison
Cow Droppings says:
safest method is to pull a cartman from southpark.
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Trev says:
So she smuggles in what are clearly the tools of the trade for a tattoo artist, helping no-hopers to learn the skills of a new and useful career. The only mistake in my book was the Doritos bag. Make it fresh fruit next time Betsey.
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Don't Mess w/ Pink Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Tattoo artists use box cutters?
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Trev Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
They sure do in the Varner unit. Some of those leathery skinned cons bend the needles.
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whiskeydent says:
Dumbo eruption.
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Trev says:
You may have me on the Swiss Army knife. It would be useless for protecting yourself in there. Neutral, you see.
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eileen says:
I think the tweezers were for pulling out errant hairs.
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Trev says:
Yep. Too many in one spot can look like missplaced punctuation marks. So “Mother” becomes “Moth” “.” “er” (?) Your large customer might take great offence at that and de-spine you. Unless he was genuinely confused by moths and wanted the world to know.
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potted meat says:
Sounds like she’s sponsored by the same junk food that tried to get Steven Colbert on the Carolina Prez race ticket. Ha! greed.
Fried pork skins would have been rubber stamped thru, needles and all…..real prison food.
Doritos are not even real Mexican food. Dead giveaway.
Whatever happened to baking stuff in a cake? Where have our traditions gone?
So sad. Take back our country!!!!!
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Prince Royal says:
What was she thinking? 45 needles is the maximum allowed per visit.
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West Texas Hillbilly says:
At least she didn’t smuggle then in the folds of her Doritos fat like the dude in Houston with a gun.
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potted meat says:
WTH: oh, man……that’s bad.
reminds me of a joke……flour….wet spot…..
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Pink Urinal says:
Eileen, check out what our governor’s been saying in Israel…it’s priceless (and moronic, of course). More panderment for the flat earthers. Does he really believe this stuff!? I know…I know… A better question would be whether he believes anything. Although we do know what he believes IN: Rick Perry.
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treehugger says:
What gave her the idea that would actually work? Had she had previous success? Is screening for a state prison less rigorous than your standard airport? And whatever happened to bribing the guards? You’d think a former Clinton Governor’s office staff member would still have connections with the state’s law enforcement folks….not that they would ever need to uh, hide anything.
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potted meat says:
Next time she should think about using her humidor to smuggle the goods.
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GiantSideOfTexas says:
Betsy should of got Sandy Burger, Cklinton’s Nat’l Security Advisor to do the job. He has experience, you know?
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