Helpful Web Sites:
Collegeboard.com The folks who bring you the SAT also offer financial aid information and updated statistics on higher education costs.
FastWeb.com Frequently updated, this site matches students’ personalized profiles with scholarship opportunities across the nation.
Finaid.org This nonprofit site is one of the best, most informative, and most comprehensive guides to financial aid out there today.
Insidehighered.com An online magazine offering up-to-date articles on all aspects of higher education.
Projectonstudentdebt.org A nonprofit site that provides news and resources to increase public understanding of the impact of borrowing on students and families.
Upromise.com One way to open a Section 529 college savings plan for your child is by using this site.
Off to School Advice for
Parents and Kids
The fact is, when it comes to major life changes, heading off to college can cause plenty of angst for both parents and students. From completing the complicated college application process and deciding how to pay for school to adapting to a chaotic campus environment and a new sense of freedom, there’s a lot to consider whether you’re a parent sending a kid to school—or you’re the kid who’s actually going. >>>
The good news for parents and kids is that you’re not alone. More good news for parents: most kids will appreciate your efforts. The National Survey of Student Engagement found that college students who reported high levels of contact with their parents, and whose parents were involved in the college experience, were “more satisfied with their education” and had “deeper learning activities” than students whose parents were less involved.
Experts, parents, and kids alike say that a little planning, forethought, and communication about realistic expectations can go a long way—especially when done together. “Parents and kids need to take everything into account when the college search starts in high school,” says Jack Joyce, director of training and information services for the College Board, a nonprofit association of more than 5,400 schools, colleges, universities, and other educational organizations. “The whole college planning activity needs to be a family undertaking—not just a student adventure or a parent responsibility—and that’s not always the case.”
Note to Parents: Embrace Differences with an Open Mind
Take Moine and Mabel West of Arlington, Texas, whose son Martin became a college freshman in 2004 and who are currently preparing for the entry of their second son, Aaron, into college in fall 2009.
Moine West says it’s important to understand that each student is unique when it comes to choosing which school to attend: “Each kid responds differently to parental involvement. It’s important to figure out how in tune the child is with the process.” He advises that parents listen carefully when it comes to the schools their student is considering—without making assumptions. “Both of our sons are interested in schools that are in a more urban environment,” he notes. “It’s important to figure out what best fits their personality.”
West also found that sometimes kids aren’t aware of just how competitive the college application process can be, so being able to sit down together and help them wade through deadlines and requirements is critical. That means helping your student understand that, yes, Princeton University is certainly an option, but also keeping in mind what’s realistic.
“They might be thinking that graduating in the top ten percent of their class is fine, but to get into a school they want, it might make a real difference if they’re in the top five percent,” West says. “Just communicating with them about their goals and what they want can help them make better decisions.”
Finances and Realistic Expectations
And the application process definitely includes financial considerations. Perhaps the biggest worry for most families is that college costs have skyrocketed over the last ten years. Experts and parents alike say that it’s critical to set expectations early.
“Kids might want to go to one school, but the cost could be such that they would graduate with lots of debt,” says West. “Get a feel when they’re freshmen and sophomores in high school that they understand what’s involved and what kind of decisions they’re making.”
Joyce points out that planning also needs to include basic financial and time management for when students get to school. “Budgeting applies to both dollars and hours,” he says. “It can be addressed in the months before a student leaves for campus—and save a lot of problems down the road.”
For the West family, Moine and Mabel’s insistence that Martin live in a dorm the first two years and not have a car on campus helped immensely, as did prepaid debit cards and monthly allowances. “Kids don’t need a credit card in their name and don’t need to run up bills,” says Moine West. “This made things simpler and helped teach him to manage money.”
Getting In
The Wests also discovered that it’s one thing to get into a school but another thing entirely to stay on top of application calendars, make sure the student has a place to live, and see that other logistics are taken care of too. “It goes beyond just getting in. What about getting in line for student housing?” Moine West says. “If you don’t plan for these things, you can close off options you had no intention of closing off, since there are a lot more kids trying to get into a limited number of schools.”
West also stresses the importance of multiple school visits by both parents and kids. There’s no better substitute for getting a feel for a campus, students, professors, and overall lifestyle. “Even in high school, maybe while you’re on vacation, take your kids to a college campus so they can get a feel of what college is like,” he says. “Going off to school is a big change, no matter where you go.”
Adapting to College Life
Along with the physical change of moving away from home—the first time for some—there’s also the emotional change. That separation affects students as well as parents. “Students might want to leave the nest and go to school across the country, but they later regret that they’re so far away and will often transfer from the school of their dreams to one that’s close,” says Joyce. “That’s a reality that needs to be discussed before the student leaves, to alleviate any anxiety the student might experience.”
For the West family, son Martin was ready to leave, and his parents discovered the unexpected benefit of a brand-new relationship with their son. “It gave us a chance to enjoy the new, adult relationship we had with him,” says Moine West. “We saw a quick change in maturity and how he was managing life, and that was a very positive thing for us.”
Joyce says that parental adjustment can be tough too, but that it’s important for parents to set those feelings aside so they can help their children make the decisions that are right for them. “Parents have as much a sense of separation as kids do. It’s a change in way of life and day-to-day living, and there’s a lot to consider before it hits,” he says. “Having a child go off to college impacts the whole family.”
To the Student: Practical Advice That Worked
For Martin West, who graduated with a double major in radio/television/film and Spanish, the college experience was a unifying one. “When you go, it can be a very intimidating thing, but you have to remember that every kid there is in the same boat, and they’re just as scared,” he says. “You learn a lot about yourself when you see the way people handle things differently from you.”
He also learned a lot in the college application process: “You really need to think about where you’re applying and what happens if you get accepted. If you apply to ten and get accepted, which one will you choose? It’s also about fifty dollars per application, so you need to think about finances and which ones might give you scholarships and those logistics.”
Martin spent most of his time on the all-important essays that are part of every college application, asking high school English teachers and his parents to review them. “There will always be someone with higher SAT scores,” he says. “Anytime you have a chance to share your personality behind a number—as someone with color and uniqueness—you should.”
Easing into College Life
Martin West found that adjusting to college life at a large school was much easier when he chose to get involved in an honors program for incoming freshmen that he and his family found in the school catalog. He lived in the honors dorm with students working on the same projects, and that proved to be a big plus. “Learning together and playing together works very well,” he observes. “You get to meet kids with the same personal beliefs and core similarities that make friendships stronger.”
Campus logistics were another adjustment for Martin—especially living in a dorm with a roommate and having to go down the hall to brush his teeth. “I’d never had to share a room with someone else, and I like having my own room,” he says. “I had to get used to communal bathrooms and not having my own space, but overall it was a pleasant experience that just took some getting used to.”
Learn What You Enjoy
Martin West advises incoming freshmen to find classes that motivate them so they meet friends with common interests and enjoy going to class more. As for the work itself, Martin says that while it took more effort than required in high school, it was more satisfying, and that made all the difference. “In college, I was the one choosing the classes, and I was the sole one responsible for my grade, unlike high school, where you might get to choose one elective,” he notes. “You don’t want to drag yourself to something you won’t enjoy, because it’ll hurt you down the line.”
And that’s critical to a great college experience. It might seem as if it takes a long time to graduate, but Martin says it important for students to use that time to think about what they really want to do after college—not just a job, but a career: “What do you want to do? What do you enjoy? Are you studying things you hate? Everyone should have a larger goal beyond that first job or that first paycheck, whether it’s going back to school or an idea for a career path.”
Exploring the World
Martin West, who was born in Colombia and lived there before starting high school, also advises getting out and seeing the world if possible—long before you graduate. “If you haven’t been outside your own country, it’s a very open, humbling experience just seeing how other people live,” says Martin, who spent a semester in Spain before graduation.
In the end, it’s the graduate who perhaps gives the best advice to any parent or student-to-be. “It’s not so much what school you go to, but what you make out of your own education, what you do with it,” says Martin. “If you enjoy it, you’ll put more into it—and get more out of it.”
