WHEN I'M QUEEN OF THE Universe, I'm going to ban the use of heart-shaped twig wreaths festooned with silk flowers. Ditto for coat racks decorated with metal cutouts of moose and fir trees, especially when used in areas bereft of moose and fir trees. This may cause folks who rent cabins and run cozy B&B inns in the Texas Hill Country some momentary interior decorating angst, but I think the cosmos will be a better place for the change. Until my laws are enacted, however, here's a dozen places to spend the night that are, for the most part, already in compliance:
The Antlers Hotel is the kind of place that makes me wish I owned a full-length white linen dress with a blue satin sash (not to mention the nerve to wear such a getup). The expansive landscaped grounds of this century-old railroad hotel on the granite-lined shore of Lake LBJ beg to be strolled in such impractical garb—while sipping a mint julep and adjusting a beribboned straw boater, no less. You can chose from a nostalgia-inducing room in the two-story clapboard hotel, immaculately restored in 1996, or a private little cedar cabin in the woods. Train buffs or engineer wannabes have their choice of one of three vintage cabooses that have been converted to colorful and cozy accommodations or the deluxe McKinley private coach, a smart 1880's wooden railcar. 1001 King, Kingsland, 915-388-4411, 800-383-0007, theantlers.com; doubles $110-$149.
After our night at the Opry (the Mason Country Opry, that is), my husband, Richard, and I stayed at the Mason Square Bed and Breakfast smack dab in the middle of the picturesque downtown. We've never felt so big-city urban in the middle of small-town Texas. While the three rooms on the second floor of this restored historic commercial building are pleasant enough (even though two are windowless), the real draws are the view of the courthouse from the communal balcony and the location just a couple of blocks from the Odeon Theater. Bonus: It's only a few doors away from the Coffee Mug n' More, a reader-friendly java joint with urban style (220 Fort McKavitt, 915-347-1600). 124 Fort McKavitt, Mason, 915-347-6398, 800-369-0405; doubles $65, serve-yourself continental breakfast included.
The restored two-room cottage on the grounds of Bandera's old Silver Spur Dance Hall is as cute as it is cozy. And if guests want to expand their horizons past its painted limestone walls, they need only meander a short distance over to the roofless ruins of the Silver Spur perched on a cliff above the Medina River with a commanding view of the Cowboy Capital of Texas. Despite the fact that only the barest bones of the old ballroom remain, it's easy to imagine when revelers packed this enormous venue back in the thirties, forties, and fifties, dancing the night away to country music and the sounds of the big bands. It's a wonderful testament to the locals' long-standing and serious commitment to having fun. Information on the Old Silver Spur Cottage can be found at Backroads Books, 1107 Cedar, Bandera, 830-796-7748, or at backroadstexas.net/silverspur.htm, 866-796-0660; double $90.
Some folks are born to be innkeepers and some folks are born to be innkeepers who shouldn't be. Fortunately, Ken and Betty Wardlaw, owners of the historic Rockin' River Inn in Center Point, fall squarely into the first category. They actually seem delighted to bake cookies, dish out insider info about the area, and host happy hours "in" the Guadalupe River that flows by the property. They'll also share the rich history of the house—built to last back in 1882 and expanded in 1900—which boasts twenty-inch-thick walls and longleaf pine floors. The spacious rooms here take their names and decorating cues from the world's rivers: the Thames Parlor is outfitted with English antiques, the Mississippi Room has the flavor of New Orleans, and the Rio Grande Suite boasts upscale borderland appeal. 106 Skyline Road (off FM 480), Center Point, 866-424-0576, rockinriverinn.com; doubles $80-$115, gourmet breakfast included.
The accommodations at the historic Broken Bone Ranch are clustered together on a manicured swath of Hill Country along the west prong of the Medina River. Most of the handsomely restored buildings are best suited to large groups; the remodeled Bauerlein Barn, nearly a century old, and the homey Ranch House, for instance, each sleep up to eight people. But couples can cozy up in the beautifully transformed Mopac Caboose that sits at least shouting distance from the big boys amid a gaggle of peach trees and next to a rushing waterfall. (I'm not sure how relaxing your caboose stay would be, however, if the other places were booked with herds of unknown munchkins.) 6840 FM 377E, Medina, 210-829-4024, brokenboneranch.com; from $80 for the Pioneer Pad with one queen bed to $250 for the barn or ranch house.
If you have plans to single-handedly wipe out the inventory of the antiques shop in Comfort's historic district, you can't beat the location of the über-quaint Meyer Bed and Breakfast. And what better place to stay than an antique inn to inspire your quest for the perfect butter churn or pioneer-era table. But be forewarned: The walls between some rooms in the complex of buildings here are as thin as when they were built in 1872 or 1887 or 1920. Maybe people were just quieter back then or maybe teenage sons were less infuriating and didn't provoke parents to rage so long and loudly into the night. And, although the claw-foot tub in my bathroom beckoned my travel weary body, there wasn't enough hot water available to fill it. 845 High, Comfort, 830-995-2304, 888-995-6100, meyerbedandbreakfast.com; doubles $79 and up, full breakfast included.
I was so envious of the people who own stunning getaways on the Guadalupe River between Ingram and Hunt, I'm surprised my car wasn't glowing a jealous green as I drove along Texas Highway 29. Fortunately there's a snappy inn, the River Oaks Lodge, where I can fake the Hill Country highlife, at least for a