Texas for Dummies

If you're new to the state, then you don't know your Amarillo from your armadillo. Here's my advice for getting your ox out of the ditch.

All my adult life I’ve been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am. I’m sure, like most born-again Texans, you’re probably thrilled right now about moving here. Oh, you’ve no doubt heard stories about the wide-open spaces being mostly between people’s ears, but you didn’t believe them. Now, the prospect of being a Texan may make you happier than 95 percent of all dentists in America, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to fit in. Remember, happiness, like Texas, is a highly transitory state. So my first advice to you is the same admonition I shout every time I pass a wedding in progress: “Stop before it’s too late!”

But maybe you’ve really set your ears back, and you’re hell-bent on becoming a real Texan like John Wayne, who was from Iowa,

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