What Kind of Year Was 2003?

THE ACCOMMODATIONS WEREN’T BAD, BUT THE ALPO WAS SERVED COLD

Curtis Lee Robin, of Vidor, after being convicted of abusing his eleven-year-old stepson by locking him out of the house at night, thus forcing him to sleep in a doghouse, agreed to a plea bargain under which he would sleep in a doghouse for thirty consecutive nights.


FIRST HE ASKED TO AUDITION FOR GOD

Former U.S. senator Phil Gramm played a Confederate politician in the Civil War movie Gods and Generals.


WINONA RYDER WILL PLAY HER IN THE MOVIE

Brooke Stollenwerck Aldridge, a prominent Dallas socialite and a fundraiser for several local charities, was arrested for shoplifting a $120 Kate Spade wallet, a $485 pair of black pants, and a $1,250 Hermès wallet from the Neiman Marcus store at NorthPark Center.


AND THEY WERE BOTH NAKED, THE MAN AND HIS WIFE, AND WERE NOT ASHAMED, BUT THEIR CREATOR WAS ARRESTED BY THE GARDEN OF EDEN VICE SQUAD

The police in Pilot Point, north of Dallas, threatened to charge Wes Miller with display of harmful material to a minor because a mural on a building he owned depicted Eve with bare breasts, but they held off pressing charges after Miller draped a piece of yellow crime-scene tape over her nipples.


MAKE THATOLDER BUT NOT WISER

Forty-six-year-old Eddy Lee Dacy, of San Antonio, was sentenced to six months in jail for parole violations, including leaving the state so he could appear with his teenage girlfriend on an episode of Ricki Lake titled “Older Men, Younger Women.”


PUT YOUR EAR UP TO IT AND YOU CAN HEAR A TSUNAMI

The U.S. Shell warehouse, in Los Fresnos, installed on its grounds a 14,000-pound concrete conch shell.


THEN THEY GOOSE-STEPPED TO THE END ZONE

On the evening of September 26, which began the Jewish High Holy Day Rosh Hashanah, the Paris High School band performed a World War II-themed halftime show that included the playing of the song “Deutschland Uber Alles” and the waving of a Nazi flag.


JOEY’S PICK: A JUICY PATTY IN A POUCH OF PETA BREAD

Members of the group In Solidarity With Animals picketed Ziggy’s Healthy Grill, a Houston restaurant, because it serves a kangaroo burger.


IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, MOVE TO CORPUS CHRISTI

Blanca Castillo, of Richland Hills, asked Tarrant County commissioners to remove the bronze panther from the grounds in front of the county administration building in Fort Worth, which was once known as Panther City, because she considered the artwork a “pagan statue.”

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