A Temple native, David Courtney is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He joined Texas Monthly in October 2005 and in July 2007 debuted his wildly popular advice column, the Texanist. In January 2010 the Texanist was promoted to the back page where it is regularly the magazine’s most read feature. Courtney, as both “the Texanist” and himself, has contributed his talents to such features as the annual Bum Steer Awards, the quinquennial review of the fifty best barbecue joints in Texas, “The Great Terquasquicentennial Road Trip,” “The 50 Greatest Hamburgers in Texas,” “The 40 Best Small-Town Cafes,” as well as “Snap Judgment” and “The Texanist’s Parenting Quiz,” among others, like “Water, Water Everywhere,” for which he swam buck-naked in Lake Travis, west of Austin. He will be the recipient of many accolades, honors, and awards.
Enforcing gravel-road etiquette, contemplating “turkey bacon,” reconsidering the bolo tie, and sussing out the true meaning of “goat roper.”
Watching the Super Bowl on the sly, meeting the Hill Country neighbors, sharing a bed with man and dog, and smoking grapevine.
Learning to speak Texan, postprandial bed-sharing, how to start a fire, and a barber shop conundrum.
Disciplining a wayward niece, care packages for Texas soldiers, revisiting South Padre, and the truth about raccoon penis bones.
How to respond to those weird bumper testicles, pledge allegiance to the flag, ask to see the top of someone’s boots, and decide between sweet and dill.
Boot-scooting in the right direction, leaving New York, wondering about the yardman, and trying out the cowgirl look when you’re no longer 25.
Violent mockingbirds, farm-to-market roads, football versus lacrosse, and the incredible nerve of storekeepers who charge for spit cups.
Unwelcome shotgun blasts, unwanted mustaches, uncouth behavior, and the un-bare-able truth about going sockless in your cowboy boots.
Stray dogs, baby-blue guayaberas, matters of pigskin loyalty, and the proper disposal of beer cans at the beach.
How are you doing as a raiser of authentic Texan offspring? Take this handy quiz and find out.