Matthew Diffee

Matthew Diffee is a cartoonist for the New Yorker and Texas Monthly, editor of The Rejection Collection books, and host of The Steam Powered Hour.

Stories

The Nine-Banded Armadillo

Yes, Guillermo has heard all your roadkill jokes. And even if he could laugh, he wouldn’t.

The Black-tailed Prairie Dog

They might be blond, but they ain’t stupid.

Big Tex, My Big Tex

Nobody asked me, but here’s how I’d like to see Big Tex rebuilt. (First off, let’s make him a whole lot bigger.)

The Texas Brown Tarantula

You think you’re scared. Clarence here is about to mate for the first time. After which he’ll be killed and eaten.

The Kemp’s Ridley Sea Turtle

It’s hard out there for a turtle. Especially one that’s endangered, y’all.

The Greater Roadrunner

Eats scorpions. Mates for life. Doesn't really say, "Beep, beep!"

The Chupacabra

Whatever you do, don’t ask him if he’s real.

The Alligator Gar

The most misunderstood swamp creature of them all.

The Red Imported Fire Ant

Why are they so damn angry all the time?

The White-Tailed Deer

Ever wonder about that fellow in the crosshairs?

The Mexican Free-Tailed Bat

Juanita, a Mexican free-tailed bat, tells us a little about herself.

The Javelina

Sure, they stink. But whatever you do, don’t confuse them with feral pigs.

The Horny Toad

First of all, they're not really horny.

Rattled!

My short, unfulfilling, momentarily terrifying career as a rattlesnake racer.