January 2002 Issue

Punchline Willie

We knew he could sing, of course. What we didn't know was that he had such a great sense of humor. Here are some of Willie Nelson's favorite jokes from his just-published memoir, The Facts of Life and Other Dirty Jokes.

Deep Thoughts About Me

Am I a real person? (Yes.) Who died and made me king? (My father, the emperor.) Have I seen your piggy bank? (Yes, a little while ago. He was running away from home.) Any other questions?

My Short, Unhappy Life as a Rodeo Clown

Once upon a time I thought I wanted to be a bullfighter (and not the kind that wears sequined tights). A legendary cowboy named Leon Coffee— and an animal named Pretty Boy— changed my mind.

Grand Royal

Director Wes Anderson's new movie, The Royal Tenenbaums, deals with death, despair, and other dark subjects. And—what do you know—it's hysterically funny.

Bum Steer Awards 2002

A year of avaricious Aggies, banned boogers, chagrined cheerleaders, dotty dwellings, expletive-deleted Enron, famous fugitives, Germanic goofs, horny highways, icky insects, judicial jests, kooky kidnappers, look-alike logos, misguided Mavericks, news-making nuts, ousted Osamas, problematic pachyderms, quirky quarterbacks, rampaging rats, scary skunks, tetrahydrocannibinol-filled tacos, unhealthy urbanites, volleyball vamps, wayward W's, x-rated

Yee-ha!

From cornball classics to rousing rib-ticklers, these two hundred Texas jokes are definitely on us.

DEDICATION

BLUES REVIVAL The Starlight Barber Shop on Camp Street in Crockett was one of the first stamping grounds for bluesman Sam “Lightnin'” Hopkins, the unofficial poet laureate of Texas who eventually worked his way up from the street corner to Carnegie Hall before his death, in 1982. The all-purpose cafe,

DANCE

TURNING POINT I like The Nutcracker, but I’m glad the holiday season is over. Don’t get me wrong; the Sugar Plum Fairy—an arduous role that demands an accomplished dancer—always impresses; I’m simply ready for new works, new talent, and new ideas by the start of the new year. Lucky for

ONSTAGE

PLAY TIME If you have any doubt that Houston’s theater community is living up to its vibrant reputation, make it your New Year’s resolution to take a seat in one of the city’s velvet-covered chairs and check out the following selections. Begin with two plays by August Wilson: Jitney, Wilson’s

STRAIGHT TALK

JAZZ MESSENGER Wynton Marsalis, the forty-year-old jazz trumpet player and the artistic director of jazz at the Lincoln Center, will be in five Texas cities beginning January 31. The first Texas stop for the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra’s United in Swing 2001-2002 Tour will be at the Paramount Theatre in

“Cheap! Cheap!”

To change the way recording contracts are created, the Dixie Chicks are taking their act to the courtroom.

War Fare

When I discovered that a Texas company makes the portable meals our soldiers carry into battle, I got my orders to eat up. I knew I would complete my mission—or get indigestion trying.

Death and Texas

Why does Potter County have the state's highest mortality rate? Poverty is only one answer.

Paper Chase

Read all about it: Alpine residents win big during the town's newspaper war.

Amon High

With a massive addition to its gallery space and a host of new exhibitions in the works, Fort Worth's Amon Carter Museum is back in the saddle.

The Perfect Storm

Enron, rest in pieces.

Anne Wilkes Tucker

Houston museum curator Anne Wilkes Tucker collects photographs and praise.

Nerd Watching

Suzy Banks pays hommage to a nerd, her dad.

You Are There

Austinite John Burnett reports from Pakistan's front line.

Pacific Overtures

On the day that Roy’s opened its first Texas outpost, Austin’s muggy winter weather ended abruptly with the arrival of a bracing cold front, so the hula dancers brought in for the occasion, clad in nothing but grass skirts and coconut-shell bras, were shimmying like mad on the sidewalk. I

Seared Ahi Tuna With Passion Fruit-Shrimp Salsa

Passion Fruit Shrimp Salsa1 ripe passion fruit (mango or other tropical fruit may be substituted) 4 or 5 extra-large shrimp (about 4 ounces total), peeled, deveined, and diced 2 teaspoons olive oil 1/4 cup finely minced onion (a Maui onion if available) 1/2 cup peeled, seeded, and finely diced tomatoes

Eating Smart

NO PAIN, NO GAIN You’ve had that one more bite of mashed potatoes, that one more piece of turkey, and that one extra sliver of pie. But, hey, you’re not counting, right? Luckily, on January 1 you can make a fresh start—and, no, that doesn’t have to mean a grapefruit

Expert Advice

THE MORNING AFTER Certainly you wouldn’t overindulge on New Year’s Eve. But you might well be called on to help your less-virtuous friends who may wake up on January 1 with a hangover. We asked the staff members of Texas Monthly to submit their best hangover remedy. Here are their

Books That Cook

WHEN YOUR LITTLE ONE decides he wants to help you in the kitchen, there’s no need to panic. Corpus Christi—based writer Sandré Moore has put together a cookbook for the whole family. The Fairy Tale Cookbook provides helpful hints along with recipes the kids are sure to love—who could resist

Salmon Tikkas With Coconut Chutney

Salmon Tikkas1 pound salmon filets, boned and skinned 2 tablespoons lemon juice, plus a bit more for tossing the greens 2 teaspoons salt 1/3 cup mustard-seed oil (available at most Indian grocery stores; not mustard-flavored oil) 1 tablespoon fresh ginger, crushed 1 tablespoon dried ground red chile (not chili powder)

What a Funny Guy

A few of Willie Nelson's pals shed light on the Red Headed Stranger's humorous side.

Is It a Conspiracy?

Writer Thomas Mallon talks about his new book and his fascination with presidential assassinations.

Picture This

Texas Monthly art director Scott Dadich talks about this month's cover image.

Photo Op

University of Texas graduate and Pulitzer prize—winning photographer John McConnico talks about Pakistan and the perfect shot.

Now That’s Comedy

What's so funny about an oilman, a rancher, a golfer, and a carnival hobo? Watch the following top ten funniest Texas movies to find out why these main characters (and others) are so hilarious.

Who’s That Girl?

Texas Monthly writer-at-large Kinky Friedman dresses up the January 2002 cover.

Bum’s the Word

Senior executive editor Paul Burka talks about this year's Bum Steer issue, his favorite Bum Steer, and his pick for Bum Steer of the Year.

Happy Trails

Can't decide which route between Houston and Austin is best? We've got the skinny on U.S. 290 versus Texas Highway 71.

Texas Tidbits

A name is just a name. Want to make a bet?

Texas History 101

Things can get a little fruity in the Rio Grande Valley, especially during the Texas Citrus Fiesta.

Sweet Ricotta Manicotti With Blood Orange Granita

Recipe from Il Solé, DallasBlood Orange Granita3 1/2 cups blood orange juice (approximately 12 oranges) 1/2 to 3/4 cup granulated sugarCombine the juice and sugar in a bowl and stir with a wooden spoon until sugar is dissolved (about 5 minutes). Pour into an approximately 9- by 13-inch glass dish

Restaurant Guide

Around the State

The Jest Is History

How Neiman met Marcus and other facts you never learned in seventh grade.