Sarah Bird

Features

Desperate Housewives

In this excerpt from writer-at-large Sarah Bird’s new novel, How Perfect Is That, the realities of life in early twenty-first century Austin become all-too-clear to a defrocked socialite. (June 2008)

Columns | Miscellany

Lactation Nation

Putting the fun in fun bags! The mommy in mommy muffins! (I could go on.) (August 2008)

This Year’s Model

Hey, captains of industry: If Dr. Evil can have a Mini Me, why can’t the rest of us? (June 2008)

In a Lather

My Petco encounter with a shampoo celebrity. (April 2008)

Geezer Nation

Greetings from Snowbirdlandia! Wish you were old. (February 2008)

Home Groan

One year (okay, two days) of livin’ la vida locavore. (January 2008)

Craigslust

Suburban mom seeks motorcycle jacket. (December 2007)

The Triptych to Bountiful

Let’s go to the science fair! (August 2007)

Hog Wild

I subject myself to yet another seminal Texas experience: the hunt. (July 2007)

No Ifs, Abs, Or Butts

My instructor is a Flabbo Nazi, and other tales from the aerobics wars. (June 2007)

Lark of The Covenant

Bill Zedler’s plan to keep me married—forever. (May 2007)

The Price Is Rite

Getting in touch with my inner bargain hunter. (April 2007)

Good-bye, Mrs. Chips

My short, happy life as a poker player. (March 2007)

Tour De Farce

The absurdity of the college visit (and why you should leave your kids at home). (February 2007)

Horn ’Em, Hookers!

Texas versus Iowa State versus me. (January 2007)

Snakes on a Brain

The day I slithered from movie theater to movie theater. (December 2006)

Neck And Neck

Nora Ephron’s wattle, and Ann Richards’s, and mine. (November 2006)

Going Private

Teen Boy’s sugar-free education. (October 2006)

My Dirty Little Secret

I’m a slob. There, I said it. Now don’t mess with me. (September 2006)

Pedal to My Mettle

Teen Boy gets behind the wheel. (August 2006)

Meet the Needles

A few sore points about HMOs— and two thumbs-up for the acupuncturist. (July 2006)

Step Lively

My dancing feet. And, hopefully, yours. (June 2006)

The Furs Were Flying

There is a world where the kings of small African countries send cases of Dom Pérignon as hostess gifts, where you get to choose between the white-striped chinchilla and the violet beaver shearling poncho. Who let me in? (May 2006)

Buy, Buy, Birdie

Ladies’ fashion is nothing if not a fantasy inside an illusion wrapped in a thong. Every season, there is a new “look,” a new “trend,” a new “paranoid schizophrenic thought disorder.” And then there are returns. (April 2006)