Texas Monthly: Flea Market Master Class

According to Johnson, the primary skill in the haggler's art is developing the Sale Face -- a studied look of perfect indifference and nonchalance that holds no matter how stellar the find. The Sale Face shows no emotion, yet radiates just enough friendliness to catch the vendor off guard. The Sale Face sits on the front of your head like an amiable kabuki mask, hiding emotions when the slightest show of interest can effectively double the price on that reversible Flip Wilson/Geraldine talking doll.

A good Sale Face requires both mental discipline and well-toned facial muscles, mostly required to conceal any outward signs of excitement. "Animals can smell fear," says Johnson, picking through a pile of Depression-era glassware, "but dealers can smell interest. Once they know you're hooked, the haggle's over before it starts."

Owing to years of practice, Elaine's Sale Face exudes... well, nothing. At first glance, she seems to be just another shopper looking to pass the time. With all facial muscles relaxed, her overall expression falls somewhere between apathy and bemusement -- which she could maintain even after discovering the Hope Diamond in a tangled pile of Mardi Gras beads.

"A relaxed face can change almost instantly from accepting to stern and back again, which is very important once the negotiations start. If you can keep your Sale Face for the first couple of bids, you'll stand a much better chance of winning." Just don't concentrate on your countenance to the exclusion of all else, she reminds. "Always keep an eye on the dealer's face, since you can be damn sure that they'll be watching yours."

Sale Face Tips:

You Barg'nin' With Me? Since the Sale Face is all about indifference, it's best to practice your bored looks in a mirror before hitting the sales. Subtle yet telltale facial tics can make all the difference, so familiarize yourself with several classic moves: The Mini Shrug, The Head Fake, and The Brush Off.

You'll know you're ready when you can execute these moves in quick succession without busting out laughing.

"Three dollars? For this?"

Talk. Slow. The easiest way to spot a novice haggler is by his/her rapid-fire delivery -- a sure sign of nervous energy. If the vendor gets the feeling that a buyer wants to end a haggle, they're much more likely to stick to their posted price.

But if you approach with a handful of stuff and speak... real... slow-like, then they're on the defensive. Long, dramatic pauses -- especially after their counterhaggles -- can give your enemy time to think too much and turn the tables in your direction.

Remember Your Barnyard Sounds. The best sounds for outright dismissal come directly from the Fisher Price See N' Say: Trigger's forceful Bronx cheer (Pffftttt), a cow's grunt of bovine frustration (Hurrrrmmmf), and the pig's perfect quasi-nasal snort (Rrrrggrrrtt). As usual, the animals get all the best lines.

These are the sounds you want to perfect as part of your routine. Done right, they disarm even the most seasoned rummage dealer. Just remember that these are the Big Guns -- sounds that run a good chance of angering your adversary -- so use them only as last resorts, preferably right before walking away.

Timing is Everything>

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