Texas Monthly: Flea Market Master Class

Composite sketches of characters you're likely to find running Canton's many merchandise tables:

The Generalist runs the traveling equivalent of your Aunt Sadie's once-a-decade garage sale. As a rule, generalists usually have the best selection of items and the best browsing as well. You're likely to find anything from well-worn suede ropers to a full set of bubble-top milk bottles mixed in with miscellaneous 8-tracks and mismatched flatware. They're also great places to brush up on your haggling skills.

Typical Response to Hagglers: Hot or Cold (Immediate acceptance or deep grandmotherly disappointment).

Your Best Comeback: Have exact change in hand.

Your Cue to Leave: "I'm not sure. I'm just watching this stall for my friend Goober. He just left for lunch."

Specialists usually stock a narrow range of items (Coca-Cola memorabilia, amethyst doorknobs, baseball cards) and model themselves after museum curators rather than actual business folk. As a result, they have lower traffic but a more interested customer base. Every item in their stall has generally been earmarked as a "collector's item" and priced accordingly. If you try to bargain on the price of an item, they're likely to whip out fifteen appraisal books to bolster their argument. If that fails, they claim it has rare magical powers and double the posted price.

Typical Response to Hagglers: They can't believe you'd even suggest it.

Your Best Response: Roll your eyes. Call their bluff.

Your Cue to Leave: "You don't understand. This is the original Red Man cap -- a one of a kind original. It'd sell for $5000 in New York. Sez so right here in this book."

Handicraft hawkers obviously have direct pipelines to the Cracker Barrel Factory Warehouse, and they buy in bulk. Usually found in the fancier pavilions, handicraft people traffic in anything "homespun" and/or "cute" -- the usual variations on country goose patterns, garden signs, macrame, quilted everything, and anything related to grandkids, retirement or golf.

Typical Response to Hagglers: Vacant, almost zombie-like stare.

Your Best Comeback: Run like hell, unless you really need a big butt lawn ornament.

Your Cue to Leave: The sudden, queasy onset of potpourri poisoning.

Infomercial people are the least fun to haggle with, since their inventory can be found at just about any strip mall dollar store. How excited can you get about a Swiss Army Wrench or Industrial Strength Hair Remover? In flea market format, these stalls resemble multimedia snake oil shows, with words like "wonder" and "miracle" describing every single product for sale. These folks are generally good for free demonstration of the latest miracle cure for athlete's foot, but don't let them draw you into actual conversation, since they can find ways to suck you into the action. After that, you're in for a world of latenight hurtin'.

Typical Response to Hagglers: Well-scripted series of product-specific questions and answers.

Your Best Comeback: Faking a mild seizure.

You Cue to Leave: "Now, these go for $39.99 on TV, but I'll make you a deal."

Danger Signs

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