Need a Texas-ism to describe the heat? No sweat. There are dozens of steamy similes for summer suffering (not surprisingly, there are far fewer for winter weather). How hot is it? It's hot as the hinges of hell; hot as a two-dollar pistol; hot as a stolen tamale. It's hotter than whoopee in woolens, hotter than a preacher's knee, hotter than a fur coat in Marfa. See? It's easy to get hot talk down cold.

So hot the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Hot as a summer revival.

Hotter than honeymoon hotel.

Hotter than a burning stump.

Hot as a pot of neck bones.