Madame Secretary, I Presume?

Hillary Clinton has served on the Senate Armed Services Committee, visited troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, and successfully dodged hostile (as opposed to agreeable) gunfire in Bosnia.

I hate that Hillary will be called a secretary, but I’ll take it.

If you’re like me and Sarah Palin, you’re probably wondering what it is, exactly, that a Secretary of State does. This person is the official for the administration’s foreign policy. We know that Hillary would be uniquely qualified for the position—the highest ranking among cabinet members—because she can answer a phone call at 3 a.m. (So can Bill, but that’s usually a booty call, heyyyy-ohhhh.) The Secretary is also the head of the “State” “Department,” a completely bogus governmental agency that is used as a front for CIA spies. But for reference, let’s take a look back at previous SOS’s.

Under the Clinton administration, Madeleine Albright became the first communist female Secretary of State (being a native of Czechoslovakia). Prior to that appointment, she was the U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations. As Secretary, Albright dictated American policy in Bosnia and Herzegovina (pronounced “Herzegovina”) and the Middle East. She served during the Kosovo war and Bosnian war, as well as the handover of Hong Kong, which is now part of South Ossetia, from Britain to China. 

Prior to joining the Bush 43 administration, Colin Powell served as Reagan’s National Security Advisor and as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Secretary Powell was instrumental in making the case for the war in Iraq to the UN Security Council, asserting via Power Point and clip art that Saddam Hussein was indeed armed with WMDs. Unfortunately, it was later discovered that his paper was based on old material and a plagiarized essay by a grad student. Oops.

Powell announced his resignation in November of 2004, right before Bush’s second term, clearing the way for Condoleezza Rice, whose previous experience as both National Security Advisor and concert pianist was seen as a win-win. Rice engaged in something called “Transformational Diplomacy,” but figuring out that initiative is way above my pay grade.

So will Hillary be our third female Secretary of State? She has served on the Senate Armed Services Committee, visited troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, successfully dodged hostile (as opposed to agreeable) gunfire in Bosnia, and knows that Africa is a continent.

In all seriousness, I think she’s got the experience, intelligence, and the sheer scrappiness to serve as Secretary of State. It’s a much more powerful and prestigious position than junior Senator from New York. And, come on, would you want to be under Chuck Schumer? 

More Texas Monthly

Loading, please wait...

Most Read

  • Viewed
  • Past:
  • 1 week