Retailin’

The Bum Steers Gift Guide.

RADIO GIRLS 1998 CALENDAR, featuring five women deejays from Texas, including (left) Cindy Scull of KEGL-FM, Dallas, from RML Productions of San Antonio: $12.95.

PETMITT, a disposable pet-waste mitt for scooping up doggy doo, designed by Betsy Aberg and Virginia Prejean of Dallas, from PetMitt of Dallas, available by calling 1-800- PETMITT: $16.95 for package of 100.

JUNIOR DALLAS COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS DOLLS named Haley, Kassi, and Dominique, with fringed and star-spangled vests and miniskirts, white boots, and blue-and-white hair scrunchies, marketed by the Dallas Cowboys Football Club through America’s Sweethearts Collection: $96.99.

THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS BARBIE, a cheerleader in orange and white with pom-poms and big, uh, hair, from Mattel: $19.99.

SELENA CHECKS, with a choice of four portraits of the slain Tejana singer, available nationwide at Ohio-based Bank One: box of 150 for $12.95.

HOTLIX LOLLIPOPS encasing various insects and worms (below, the “Cricket Lick-it”), from Hotlix of the Woodlands: $1 to $3 each.

WHAT’S SHAKIN! colored salt in red, yellow, orange, green, and blue, for livening up margaritas, from Spectrum Seasonings of Dallas: $1.99 per package.

STERLING, SILVER-PLATED, GOLD-PLATED, RHODIUM-FINISHED, AND DIAMOND NECKWEAR AND LEASHES FOR CATS AND DOGS, from Dallas’ Petigree Pet Jewelry company: $85 to $100,000.

ONE NIGHT IN THE 10,000- SQUARE-FOOT CELESTIAL SUITE AT HOUSTON’S SHERATON ASTRODOME, a residence of late Harris County judge and Astros owner Roy Hofheinz, which has been restored to its tacky 1969 glory, including (in various rooms) lime-green shag carpet, ruby-red velvet drapes, and a twenty-foot-long Pompeian marble tub: $5,500.

ROSS FOR BOSS MONEY, two-cent bills featuring the head of Ross Perot, from Slick Times of Valley Center, California: closeout price of $1.75 for a pad of 25 bills. Sterling, silver-plated, gold-plated, rhodium- finished, and diamond neckwear and leashes for cats and dogs, from Dallas’ Petigree Pet Jewelry company: $85 to $100,000.

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