The State of Texas: May 22, 2014

Video of the Day

After months of mudslinging, news outlets seemed almost happy to report that lieutenant governor candidates David Dewhurst and Dan Patrick were “Mostly Cordial in Final Debate.” Considering all that’s happened, it’s somehow a little more awkward this way:

Listicle Thursday

Buzzfeed has another one of their arbitrarily numbered, state-specific lists that’s only relevant to a small group of people. But it’s so true you can’t help but love it. The latest entry: 29 Struggles People Who Grew Up In The Texas Heat Can All Relate To, which includes this gem:

Daily Roundup

Perry’s Hall Pass — Surely everyone’s a bit fatigued by the Wallace Hall controversy, but the little news droppings just keep on falling. The latest involves Governor Rick Perry, who yesterday issued this unequivocal statement: “Wallace Hall should be commended for his persistence — in the face of overwhelming opposition from bureaucrats — in trying to ensure the institutions of higher education under his purview are operating effectively, efficiently and within the law.” The teacher’s note comes on the same day a legislative committee reviewed the process of impeachment, which will take months if it happens. While Perry has offered general support before, the “statement was his most detailed to date,” according to the Texas Tribune. This shouldn’t make things the least bit awkward between the governor and his colleagues (Republicans included) in the Legislature.

The Suburb State — This will comes as a shock to no one, but suburbia Texas is spreading like kudzu. Frisco, McKinney, Cedar Park, Georgetown, and San Marcos are all on the “Census Bureau’s list of the 15 fastest-growing cities of 50,000 or more,” with San Marcos and Frisco topping that list, respectively, reports the Dallas Morning News. From the big cities on down, Texas emigration at large is rather impressive. “In Dallas-Fort Worth, the fastest-growing cities tend to be smaller … Since the 2010 census, when Dish was home to 201 people, the population has increased 51.2 percent.” Expect the entire state of Texas to be one giant metropolis by 2050.

National Bummer — So much for Governor Perry’s previous statements saying we should ease up on weed-related penalties. Outlets on both coasts are picking up the story of the Round Rock nineteen-year-old, who is facing a first-degree felony charge for making pot brownies. The severity of the criminal charge is related to his specific pastry concoction. “Prosecutors say the charge is so severe because of Lavoro’s brownie recipe. Authorities say he mixed in hash oil, which features a far higher concentration of THC, the psychoactive component of marijuana. Under Texas law, the hash oil can be treated similarly to far more serious narcotics such as ecstasy,” according to ABC News, who had none other than Good Morning America‘s George Stephanopoulos give the story airtime. The young man, who has no priors on his record, is due back in court next month.

We’re Feelin’ Lucky (And Weird) — Another slightly suspect poll by Estately has been released, and this one is especially fun: they have pulled together the most popular Google searches from each state. Some are not so surprising. Like Alabama, which loves God as much as it hates Obama; or Colorado, obsessed with marijuana and Rocky Mountain oysters; Utah and its Mormons; and Vermont with its Kale recipes. Texas on the other hand has, by far, the weirdest and most ecclecltic Google searches. The list is worth reprinting in its entirety:”Are dinosaurs real? / Are zombies real? / The Bill of Rights / Boogers / Calf Implants / Can dogs talk? / Chupacrabra / Curves International (company) / Do I have herpes? / Does beer make you fat? / Government Mind Control / How to cook meth? / How to sell your soul to the Devil? / Justin Bieber (singer) / Krunk / Meth Recipes / Porn / Purple Drank / Rodeo / Snake Bites / Tacos.”