This past Sunday night (or Monday morning depending how you view the hour of 4 a.m.), 26-year-old Ricardo Luna had just received a lap dance at Austin’s XTC Cabaret all-nude strip club–market value, $20, but only $10 on Sundays–but he must have forgot his wallet. Luna allegedly tried to take his adult entertainment out in trade, proferring not cash money, but his personal supply of crack cocaine. 

“Hey, in some clubs, with some girls, the crack would have been enough,” snarked blogger “Miss Stang.”

This was not the case at XTC, a subsidiary of the Houston-based public corporation Rick’s (currently trading at roughly the price of a Sunday lap dance). The dancer took exception and called in security.

“I mean, damn, the club has drugs in its very name,” lamented John Nova Lomax of the Houston Press. “You’d think he would have gotten X-tra special service.”

This is where the story ought to end, comically, b-movie style, with a veiny bouncer with bulging biceps tossing Luna into a back alley while two strippers on a smoke break watched the action with delight.

But this is not that story.

As Patrick George of the Austin American-Stateman reported, the obviously intoxicated Luna kicked the security guard, made racial slurs towards sheriff’s deputies, was uncooperative until being threatened with a Taser and continued with the kicking to the point that his legs had to be restrained with a tarp. Plus, wrote George, Luna “spit blood and saliva over the deputies, and beat his head against the cage inside the vehicle before passing out prior to his arrival at Central Booking.”

As the Press’s Lomax noted, Luna was curiously not charged with possession, just retaliation and two counts of resisting, both of which are felonies. Lomax also discovered that the suspect has a decidedly unhilarious previous conviction for assault/bodily injury of a child, stemming from an incident involving his own then-two year-old.

As of early Friday morning it appeared Luna remained in custody in lieu of a $45,000 bond.