Another day, another dose of doom and gloom from Warren Jeffs. The imprisoned polygamist leader’s latest mailings (dated throughout the month of May) warn that a “traitor” to the United States “shall cause enemy armies to come on land.” The attack, according to Jeffs, will come on the country’s eastern and southern shores. What else do we have to worry about? Well, according to Jeffs, there will also be a “sudden appearing of a large orb striking earth.”

And all the citizens and lovers of Mauritania can finally stop holding their breath as God Warren Jeffs has issued a one-page proclamation outlining how he really feels about the West African nation. “I, the God over all, give word to the land of Mauritania, nation of wicked order: Cease violent order in thy land lest I, God over all creation, send forth my judgments upon thee in full measure,” Jeffs writes. He calls the nation “ripened in evil” in the document, dated May 1.

The FLDS leader also took the time to jot out a note to President Barack Obama to warn him about the “coming unholy attack against nation you govern.”

Jeffs, who has a knack for sounding like he hails from the 18th century, seems as if he has only a passing knowledge of the English language in these latest mailings. He muddles definite and indefinite articles, and so ends up sounding more like a native Russian speaker than anything else. (“Enemy country holding debt of great overabundant order of the nation of United States soon cause economic way of harm to thy economy such as to disrupt international balance,” he writes.)
Jeffs hits all his standard points, railing against abortion and calling on the American people to repent for their sins. Later in the mailing, Jeffs orders his followers to gather supplies to get them through the coming destruction: “Be ye preparing for the promised humbling of destructive order of storm; of need of food, clothing, temporary blanket warmth need; to feed people in need at time I show I have spoken; also earthquake in the nation of my coming.”

At her Salt Lake Tribune blog, polygamy reporter Lindsay Whitehurst notes that this is Jeffs’ first known mailing since the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals declined to hear his appeal, which almost guarantees he’ll spend the rest of his days behind bars. “He is really speaking to his followers here, not to the world,” private investigator Sam Brower told Whitehurst in an e-mail.

Brent Hunsaker of Salt Lake City’s ABC 4 News attempts to decode Jeffs’ apocalyptic messages. “If he could speak or write English, he’d say, ‘America, get ready for a butt kicking.’ That’s his point, but he takes way too many twists, turns and downright contortions to make it,” Hunsaker writes.

Warren Jeffs’s Revelations