In the storied lands of downtown San Antonio, just a few paces over from the Alamo, there is a little bar that takes walk-ins. It’s name is the Worm Tequila and Mezcal bar. This bar had high hopes to rise above the rest of the establishments dotting the tourist-driven Riverwalk. It wanted to be remembered—and to make money, lots of money. To realize this dream its owner, Christopher Erck, coined a phrase to print on t-shirts, mugs, and underpants. Some might consider it witty. Clever, even. So through his company called Qwercky (an inspired name, to say the least), Erck applied to get a U.S. Trademark on his phrase:

Erck’s merch would be sold both at Worm Tequila and his other, more upscale Riverwalk establishment, Swig Martini.

But the Texas General Land Office, the custodians of the Alamo, got wind of this, and they were none too pleased. The legacy of the most recognized structure in the state cannot be taken lightly. If the Alamo could talk, it would probably say:

“Surely there must be other ways to promote a bar than disparaging the memory of not only the defenders of the Alamo, but the Spanish priests and Native Americans who died there during the 300-year history of the mission,” Mark Loeffler, the GLO’s spokesman, told the Houston Chronicle. (Loeffler is the same man who, a month ago, defended the decision to allow alcohol to be served at the Alamo Hall.)

The GLO filed a formal action to protect the state trademark, the Alamo, and to defend the honor of the famous phrase, “Remember The Alamo.”

Poor Erck. Perhaps, like this man in the mug shot, he thought:


And at least:

Isn’t as bad as:

In any case, he didn’t feel as though he had anything to defend. “We don’t agree that there’s any disparagement going on,” Erck’s laywer, John Cave, told the Houston Chronicle. We’re:

And, ya know:

But the GLO feels differently. After all, you:


Loeffler, the GLO spokesman, told San Antonio’s KENS 5 that Erck had expressed interest in repealing his application, but, according to the latest information available from, the U.S. Patent Office showed that the application was still pending.

The USPO might be wondering how it became caught in the middle of this fray:

But I am a:

So I’ll say this: 

The end.