Author

Texas Monthly

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Buy & Sigh

CUSTOMIZED DECORATED CASKETS, ranging from the “Return to Sender” model, painted to resemble a brown-paper package and stamped with the deceased’s final (earthly) destination, to the golfer’s choice (above), “Fairway to Heaven,” depicting an inviting green, from Dallas’ WhiteLight casket company ($3,000 and up).MECHANICAL BULL “for training, for fun, for

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Swill & Fill

CINCINNATI CHILI, which contains unsweetened baking chocolate and is served over pasta, as detailed in an article in Texas Monthly’s sister magazine Cincinnati (about $4 a bowl).A SIX-HUNDRED-POUND PUMPKIN, auctioned on eBay to benefit the Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children ($2,550).DOUGHNUTS from Donuts-4-U on Commerce Street in Dallas, located

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Nail & Fail

Just as George W. Bush’s knowledge has been put to the test, so should that of Bum Steer readers. Answer these questions correctly and you can leave here with a million Bum Steer awards:Part A. World Leaders. How did George W. Bush answer these questions?1. Can you name the president

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Scan & Ban

THE CHEATER’S HANDBOOK, by Southern Methodist University graduate Bob Corbett (Regan Press, $12), which explains how to cheat your way through college. “Go with an old beat-up pair of jeans with as many holes as reasonably possible . . . you can write answers directly on your legs and then

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Thanks A Million 1999: $1 Million

BILL AND ANGIE BARRETTDallas, $1 million$1 MILLION to the UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SOUTHWESTERN MEDICAL CENTER AT DALLAS to establish the Barrett Family Center for Pediatric Oncology. Mr. Barrett is the chairman of Willow Distributors.LOUIS A. BEECHERL, JR.Dallas, $1 million$1 MILLION to the UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS AT AUSTIN to fund programs

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Thanks A Million 1999: More than $1 million

FRED THOMSON COUPER AND MARY FRANCES BOWLES COUPERHouston, $10 millionA home, eighteen wooded acres, art, and furniture valued at a total of $10 MILLION to MEMORIAL HERMANN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM, in Houston. When the Coupers no longer live in the house, it will be converted into a wellness center. Mrs. Couper

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Shrimp Cocktail Huatulco

This gorgeous seafood cocktail is named after Huatulco, the impossibly beautiful seaside resort in the Mexican state of Oaxaca.16 large shrimp, peeled and deveined (leave tails on) salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste 6 fresh tomatillos, husked and diced 1/4 onion, minced 1 ancho chile, stemmed, seeded, and

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Mango-Key Lime Margaritas

This tropical margarita is much fruitier and easier to drink than a genuine Mexican margarita. If a frozen drink gives you a headache, omit the crushed ice and serve on the rocks.1 shot (1 ounce) tequila 1 shot (1 ounce) Cointreau 1/4 fresh mango, peeled and chopped 1/2 cup fresh

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Buttermilk Chess Pie

Dough 2 cups flour 1/4 cup sugar 1 teaspoon kosher salt 8 tablespoons butter (1 stick), divided into several pieces 1/3 cup shortening, divided into several pieces 1/4 cup ice waterIn a food processor combine the flour, sugar, and salt. Add the butter and shortening. Process (or pulse) until the

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Blue Cheese Cornbread Stuffing

Cornbread 1 cup buttermilk 1 egg, beaten 6 tablespoons sugar 1 1/2 to 2 tablespoons kosher salt 1/2 cup butter, softened 2 cups fresh corn kernels 1/4 cup seeded and diced jalapeño (2 large jalapeños) 2 1/4 cups cornmeal 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 cup flourPreheat the oven to 350

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

New Potatoes With Sun-Dried-Tomato Mash

2 cloves garlic 1/4 cup cilantro 1/4 cup olive oil 1/4 cup coarsely chopped rehydrated sun-dried tomatoes (about 1 ounce or .06 pound dry weight) 1/4 cup grated Asiago or Parmesan cheese 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 4 pounds new potatoes, washed and thinly slicedPreheat the

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Asparagus Wrapped With Smoked Bacon

4 pounds fresh asparagus 16 pieces smoked bacon kosher salt to taste freshly ground black pepper to tastePreheat the oven to 325 degrees. Trim off the woody ends of the asparagus and blanch for 45 to 60 seconds. Plunge immediately into an ice-water bath; when cooled, drain and set aside.Cook

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

“Onion Jam” Relish

1 1/2 pounds red onions (about 2 large onions) 1 1/2 pounds yellow onions (about 2 large onions) 4 bunches scallions (green part only) 3 tablespoons vegetable oil, such as canola 1 1/2 cups balsamic vinegar kosher salt to taste freshly ground black pepper to taste 1/4 cup brown sugarPeel

Music |
January 20, 2013

On The Road in Texas

Texas was Elvis‘ home away from home in the early days of his career, a direct result of getting on the “Louisiana Hayride.” He signed a contract in late 1954 with the popular radio show, which was broadcast live every Saturday night from 50,000-watt KWKH radio in Shreveport. (CBS syndicated

Travel & Outdoors |
January 20, 2013

A Family Affair

Richard King and his wife, Henrietta, founded the King Ranch. Their daughter Alice and her husband, Robert Kleberg—shown with their children in the turn-of-the-century photograph at the right—founded the family that sustained it. When Henrietta King died in 1925, the ranch’s 1.2 million acres were divided among her heirs.

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Revoltin’

BUT YOUR BETTER HALF CAN COME, HONCameron County sheriff Omar Lucio did not invite district attorney Yolanda de Leon to a barbecue for law enforcement officials because the party was for men only.SORRY. I MEANT TRAILER GENTRYIn a TV interview during the Kerrville capital murder trial of Darlie Routier, Dallas

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Rightin’

HE GOT NAILEDRound Rock mayor Charlie Culpepper apologized to “all of the purveyors of fasteners that operate in our city” after he was quoted in a newspaper article as saying “you couldn’t buy a nut, bolt, or screw in Round Rock without going to Wal-Mart.”NEXT TIME MAKE IT “HEALTHY BOVINE”A

The Culture |
January 20, 2013

The 1998 Bum Steer Awards

A year of altered antlers, bawdy broadcasters, comedian corrections, dining detectives, emancipated emus, fossilized felines, gullible Gore, hemline harassment, insatiable igniters, jazzed-up jewelry, Kay’s kennelwear, lottery loonies, metric madness, numerous nudes, 007 oenophiles, poultry protesters, questionable quizzes, revengeful revenuers, Spam slingers, tie tirades, unallowed uniforms, variant videotapers, warning! water, x-humed

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Readin’

The Bleacher Bible By Chris Sneed, Cotten Publishing of Lubbock, $9.95. Heckling manual by a diehard Texas Tech Red Raiders baseball fan. “You’ve got jungle disease: you look like Tarzan but you swing like Jane.”Cigar Chic: A Woman’s Perspective By Tomima Edmark of Dallas, The Summit Publishing

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

1998 Bum Steer Awards

The Escapees Are the Ones Who Are Jogging Fast Nacogdoches County changed its prisoners’ work-crew uniforms from ultra-bright orange to old-fashioned black-and-white stripes after alarmed citizens reported sighting escapees who turned out to be joggers.Try Our Famous Vanilla Waivers, Coffee With Chicanery, Subpoena Noir, Hot Tea With a Twist of

Feature |
January 20, 2013

The Bum Steer Calendar

JanuaryBEN BARNES Under fire by federal authorities, the former lieutenant governor gives up his $25,000-a-month lobbying contract for Gtech, the company that runs the Texas Lottery. Not to worry, though. Later it is announced that Gtech agreed to pay Barnes and an associate $23 million to buy out the contract.FebruaryTEXAS

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Retailin’

RADIO GIRLS 1998 CALENDAR, featuring five women deejays from Texas, including (left) Cindy Scull of KEGL-FM, Dallas, from RML Productions of San Antonio: $12.95.PETMITT, a disposable pet-waste mitt for scooping up doggy doo, designed by Betsy Aberg and Virginia Prejean of Dallas, from PetMitt of Dallas, available by calling 1-800-PETMITT:

Music |
January 20, 2013

Steve Brodner’s Sketchbook (1)

“And don’t forget to come back next week for the Greensheet Awards. Everybody in Austin can win something if you just stick around long enough in this town. A lot of people dressed up tonight and a lot of people didn’t give a s—t, did they? Nobody’s going to work

Music |
January 20, 2013

Steve Brodner’s Sketchbook (3)

Mark: “They’ve mixed a lot of the Western side with the original, but they’re not original. And this right here is the biggest joke I’ve ever heard. She’s doing mudras [hand movements] through the whole thing, but she’s not even doing the mudras right.” Dan: “It’s nonsensical, the way they’re singing.

Music |
January 20, 2013

Steve Brodner’s Sketchbook (2)

“The artists that are performing tonight have written compositions or have been influenced by compositions written in Spanish, traditional Mexican music, and what’s called border music, if you will, a marriage of Tex-Mex. And so tonight they are celebrating that acoustically, singing the songs they’ve learned.”— Susan Charney, co-producer of

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Steve Brodner’s Sketchbook (4)

“Cake is a great band. It’s soulful music. It’s food for the soul.” — Krys Holland, audience member, watching Cake at the Austin Music Hall.“When I say go, turn that s—t all the way up.” — Wayne Coyne, lead singer of the Flaming Lips, having passed out cassette tapes to

BBQ |
January 20, 2013

Smokin’

Don’t miss your ’cue: We pick the top joints in Texas for brisket, ribs, sausage, and all the sides. Plus, the godfather of barbacoa, the biggest free feast in the state, and more.

Food & Drink |
January 20, 2013

The Pit Parade

ABILENE Betty Rose’s Little Brisket Briskets generally don’t get prettier by closing time, so at 4 p.m. Betty Rose’s juicy, tender, well-marbled, mesquite-smoked brisket and meaty, black-pepper-rub-encrusted pork ribs were nice surprises, expertly held through the long, post-lunch slump. Not so the wrinkled pork-and-beef sausage. We helped ourselves to above-average

Food & Drink |
January 20, 2013

And Honorable Mention To…

For Specialties of the HouseABBOTT: the Turkey Shop, for steamed cabbage, black-eyed peas, and cornbread dressingABILENE: Joe Allen’s, for yeast-risen whole-wheat breadAUSTIN: ArtZ Rib House, for country pork ribsBRADY: Mac’s Barbecue, for crisp-skinned chickenCUERO: Barbecue Station—B&D Catering and Smolik’s Quality Meats, for exemplary brisketDEL VALLE: Dan’s Bar-B-Q, for exceptional

Food & Drink |
January 20, 2013

The 50 Greatest Hamburgers In Texas

On our first-ever quest for the state’s best burgers, we covered more than 12,000 miles, ate at more than 250 restaurants, and gained, collectively, more than 40 pounds. Our dauntless determination (and fearless fat intake) was rewarded with a list of 50 transcendent burgers—and you’ll never guess which one ended

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Angel Fire Resort

Angel Fire resort, a town of 1,200 twenty-two miles northeast of Taos near Eagle Nest Lake, is the planned-resort version of Red River, conceived in the Moreno Valley between Eagle Nest and Taos 32 years ago—Angel Fire is to Red River what Vail is to Aspen on a New

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Ski Santa Fe

I’ve been told that Santa Fe is a pretty good town for food, art, and plush hotel bars with roaring fireplaces. I wouldn’t know. I’ve come here to sit on my rear—I’ve come here to snowboard.I’ve been a skier for more than twenty years, and over the past five

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Red River Ski Area

Like Aspen, Breckenridge, and Telluride in Colorado, Red River is a mining town that, through a few parallel quirks of geology, geography, luck, and timing, happened to evolve into a ski town. But that old mining town, unique to New Mexico as it might be, isn’t what lends Red

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Ski Apache

Ski Apache is a mountain of the unexpected. Nestled on the northern flank of the 12,003-foot Sierra Blanca peak near Ruidoso, it is one of America’s southernmost ski resorts, so you can simultaneously enjoy mild winter temperatures and alpine snow. The high elevation, generous acreage, and steeply pitched chutes

Feature |
January 20, 2013

Taos Ski Valley

No skiing experience has been quite as intimidating as the first time I saw Al’s Run, driving up to the base of the Taos ski area. A narrow alley shooting up the lift line and angling almost straight up toward the heavens, Al’s brought on instant acrophobia. An exceptional

Feature |
January 20, 2013

. . . And the Rest

Pajarito Mountain If you really want to get away from the crowds, scoot over to Los Alamos, thirty miles west of Santa Fe. The nearby Pajarito ski area is almost as top secret as the town was when the Manhattan Project begat the atomic bomb there in the forties. Four

Travel & Outdoors |
January 20, 2013

Field Trip

Besides books and my own mistakes, I’ve learned almost everything I know about wildflowers from volunteering at the National Wildflower Research Center, Lady Bird Johnson’s visionary gift to Texas. Perhaps my inexperience was evident on my application, because the volunteer coordinator wisely placed me where I couldn’t do much harm,

Travel & Outdoors |
January 20, 2013

Six Simple Steps to Meadowhood.

1Find Yourself Texas has a range of soils and climates. To know what to plant, you have to know where you are among its ten vegetational regions.2Flower Plot Pick a sunny, well-drained site for your meadow. When choosing which flowers to plant, think about bloom times, size, and color.3Go

Travel & Outdoors |
January 20, 2013

Lady Bird’s Place

During the infamous drought of 1996, roadside wildflowers frizzled and fried. But at the National Wildflower Research Center, just southwest of Austin, blossoms, shrubs, trees, and grasses were sleek and sassy. Why? Because 1995’s rains watered 1996’s flowers, thanks to the largest rooftop rainwater-collection system in North America. One of

Politics & Policy |
January 20, 2013

The Assassination at 35

A handsome young president, a convertible limousine, a sniper, three shots (we think), and our lives were changed forever. A special report on what is, for many, the defining event of the past fifty years.

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Hawaiian Delight

1 three-ounce package Jell-O (any flavor; cherry is traditional) Your choice of the following (whatever you prefer or have on hand): 1 banana, sliced 1 can sour cherries or 1 small jar maraschino cherries, well drained 1 small can pineapple chunks, well drained 1/2 cup miniature marshmallows slivered almonds grated

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Golden Glow Salad

1 three-ounce package lemon or orange Jell-O 1/2 cup grated or shredded carrots 1 small can crushed pineapple or pineapple chunks, well drainedPrepare Jell-O as directed on package. When Jell-O is about half-set (approximately an hour or so), add carrots and pineapple.Editor’s note: Pineapple is one of the few fruits

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Gammy’s Broken Glass Torte

Crust 2 dozen crushed graham crackers 1/2 cup butter, softened 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup chopped pecans Mix thoroughly and pack tightly in oblong 9 x 13 Pyrex dish. Filling 1 package each lime, lemon, and cherry Jell-O 1 package plain unflavored gelatin 1/2 cup cold water 1 cup pineapple

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Coke Salad

1 three-ounce package black-cherry Jell-O 1 twelve-ounce can Coke 1 to 2 cans Bing cherries, well drained 1/2 cup pecans, chopped Using a large bowl, prepare Jell-O as directed on package, substituting the Coke for 1 1/2 cups water. The Coke will foam up; be prepared! Pour mix into pan

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Chop-House Burger With Parmesan Chive Fries

Chop House Burger1/2 pound fresh ground hamburger patty (we use a 77/23 blend) pinch of kosher salt and cracked pepper ciabatta bun 2 slices applewood-smoked bacon 2 slices cheddar cheese 1 1/2 ounces shredded iceberg lettuce 2 slices tomato 3 rings red onion 4 pickle slicesSeason hamburger patty with salt

Recipe |
January 20, 2013

Grady’s 3M Burgers

1 1/2 pounds coarse-ground chuck 1 1/2 pounds coarse-ground sirloin 2 teaspoons kosher salt, plus some to taste 2 tablespoons coarse-ground pepper 4 tablespoons brown sugar 6 quality hamburger bunsPreheat grill to medium high and lightly grease the grate. In a mixing bowl, combine chuck, sirloin, salt, pepper, and brown