HE GOT NAILEDRound Rock mayor Charlie Culpepper apologized to “all of the purveyors of fasteners that operate in our city” after he was quoted in a newspaper article as saying “you couldn’t buy a nut, bolt, or screw in Round Rock without going to Wal-Mart.”NEXT TIME MAKE IT “HEALTHY BOVINE”A
The Bum Steers Math Quiz.
The Bleacher Bible By Chris Sneed, Cotten Publishing of Lubbock, $9.95. Heckling manual by a diehard Texas Tech Red Raiders baseball fan. “You’ve got jungle disease: you look like Tarzan but you swing like Jane.”Cigar Chic: A Woman’s Perspective By Tomima Edmark of Dallas, The Summit Publishing
A year of altered antlers, bawdy broadcasters, comedian corrections, dining detectives, emancipated emus, fossilized felines, gullible Gore, hemline harassment, insatiable igniters, jazzed-up jewelry, Kay’s kennelwear, lottery loonies, metric madness, numerous nudes, 007 oenophiles, poultry protesters, questionable quizzes, revengeful revenuers, Spam slingers, tie tirades, unallowed uniforms, variant videotapers, warning! water, x-humed
JanuaryBEN BARNES Under fire by federal authorities, the former lieutenant governor gives up his $25,000-a-month lobbying contract for Gtech, the company that runs the Texas Lottery. Not to worry, though. Later it is announced that Gtech agreed to pay Barnes and an associate $23 million to buy out the contract.FebruaryTEXAS
RADIO GIRLS 1998 CALENDAR, featuring five women deejays from Texas, including (left) Cindy Scull of KEGL-FM, Dallas, from RML Productions of San Antonio: $12.95.PETMITT, a disposable pet-waste mitt for scooping up doggy doo, designed by Betsy Aberg and Virginia Prejean of Dallas, from PetMitt of Dallas, available by calling 1-800-PETMITT:
“And don’t forget to come back next week for the Greensheet Awards. Everybody in Austin can win something if you just stick around long enough in this town. A lot of people dressed up tonight and a lot of people didn’t give a s—t, did they? Nobody’s going to work
Mark: “They’ve mixed a lot of the Western side with the original, but they’re not original. And this right here is the biggest joke I’ve ever heard. She’s doing mudras [hand movements] through the whole thing, but she’s not even doing the mudras right.” Dan: “It’s nonsensical, the way they’re singing.
“The artists that are performing tonight have written compositions or have been influenced by compositions written in Spanish, traditional Mexican music, and what’s called border music, if you will, a marriage of Tex-Mex. And so tonight they are celebrating that acoustically, singing the songs they’ve learned.”— Susan Charney, co-producer of
“Cake is a great band. It’s soulful music. It’s food for the soul.” — Krys Holland, audience member, watching Cake at the Austin Music Hall.“When I say go, turn that s—t all the way up.” — Wayne Coyne, lead singer of the Flaming Lips, having passed out cassette tapes to
On our first-ever quest for the state’s best burgers, we covered more than 12,000 miles, ate at more than 250 restaurants, and gained, collectively, more than 40 pounds. Our dauntless determination (and fearless fat intake) was rewarded with a list of 50 transcendent burgers—and you’ll never guess which one ended
Mail from our readers.
Besides books and my own mistakes, I’ve learned almost everything I know about wildflowers from volunteering at the National Wildflower Research Center, Lady Bird Johnson’s visionary gift to Texas. Perhaps my inexperience was evident on my application, because the volunteer coordinator wisely placed me where I couldn’t do much harm,
1Find Yourself Texas has a range of soils and climates. To know what to plant, you have to know where you are among its ten vegetational regions.2Flower Plot Pick a sunny, well-drained site for your meadow. When choosing which flowers to plant, think about bloom times, size, and color.3Go
During the infamous drought of 1996, roadside wildflowers frizzled and fried. But at the National Wildflower Research Center, just southwest of Austin, blossoms, shrubs, trees, and grasses were sleek and sassy. Why? Because 1995’s rains watered 1996’s flowers, thanks to the largest rooftop rainwater-collection system in North America. One of
Cucumber Mintini1/4 cucumber 5 fresh mint leaves, plus 1 sprig for garnish 2 lime wedges 2 sugar cubes 2 ounces simple syrup (one part sugar dissolved in one part water) splash of fresh lime juice 1 1/2 ounces Tito’s Handmade Vodka splash of club sodaMuddle cucumber, mint leaves, 1 lime
Pamela Colloff, Barry Blitt, and Andy Anderson
Build more schools, clone Willie Nelson, get everyone high-speed Internet, raise chickens, hold nonpartisan primaries, curb sprawl, and 76 other serious, inspiring, far-fetched, and provocative ideas about how to make Texas an even better place from some of the brightest bulbs we know.
Nate Blakeslee“This story was not driven by a bad personal experience. Well, I once had to use a motorized Roto-Rooter at my house, but that had nothing to do with it,” says senior editor Nate Blakeslee about “Everyone’s Poop”, his study of one of the great marvels of
Kinky Friedman, Andi Beierman, and Brent Humphreys.
Prudence Mackintosh, Mike McGregor and Jan Jarboe Russell.
Bruce McCorkindale, Patricia Busa McConnico, Marc Burckhardt
It was a year of angry Aggies, Baptist bravado, confused Cheney, death row drollery, enemas in evidence, fetid feet, ghetto gobbledygook, helicopter hunts, insurance idiocy, jerk judges, kin kidnappers, lawbreaking Longhorns, meshuggener misfires, NASA nimrods, Oswald online, pooped-on presidents, quick quarrels, requested roaches, scrotum-scarring Sooners, taped teenagers, unhinged urinators, visible
Recipe from chef Jack Chaplin, Chaplin’s, Dallas.16 small red new potatoes 2 pounds fresh asparagus spears 1/4 cup olive oil 12 tablespoons butter, softened 1 teaspoon each of chopped fresh rosemary, parsley, and garlicIn 4-quart pot of boiling water, blanch potatoes for about 15 minutes, until they can be pierced
Gingerbread PancakesAsk the folks queued up at the Magnolia Cafe what their favorite breakfast dish is, and nine times out of ten the answer will be gingerbread pancakes. You can put syrup on these fat, fluffy beauties, but they’re great just by themselves. Recipe from Magnolia Cafe, Austin.Buttermilk BiscuitsRolled,
Pamela Colloff, Abraham Verghese, and O. Rufus Lovet
Recipe from Randy Evans, Brennan’s of Houston, Houston1/2 ounce (1 tablespoon) simple syrup 1/2 lime, quartered1 1/2 ounces (3 tablespoons) pomegranate juice, such as POM brand1 1/2 ounces (3 tablespoons) dark rumsugar (for edge of glass)Make syrup by boiling 1 part water and 2 parts sugar for 5 minutes;
How Texas compares with the other 49 states in everything from the percentage of low-income children with health insurance (we’re dead last) to the number of executions (we’re first!).
Brent Humphreys, Pamela Colloff, and Sarah Bird
The best barbecue in Texas is currently being served at Snow’s BBQ, in Lexington, a small restaurant open only on Saturdays and only from eight in the morning until whenever the meat runs out, usually around noon. Snow’s is remarkable not only for the quality of its meat but
You’ve come for wholeness, for satisfaction deep within your soul. Your searching has brought you here, to the company of fellow pilgrims in the snaking line. Slowly, you advance across the tile floor, past the knotty-pine walls, and up to the inner sanctum: a glass-enclosed chamber where a host of
Recipe from Ruth Carter, soups-and-specials cook at Austin’s Eastside Cafe.Dewberry-Orange4 cups dewberries or blackberries, rinsed 2 cups water 1/2 cup sugar 4 ounces cream cheese 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice 4 cups fresh orange juice mint leaves for garnish (optional)Combine berries (reserve a few for garnish) with water in a
Recipe from Lisa Biggerstaff, pastry chef, Dacapo’s on the Parkway, Houston.Mousse9 ounces semisweet chocolate 1 ounces butter, melted 1 pint whipping cream 3 medium eggs 1 1⁄2 teaspoons dark rum 1 tablespoon espresso or strong coffeeMelt chocolate in a double boiler. Melt butter in a pan. Set both aside and
Recipe from Pastry chef Doug Wilson, Mesteña’s, San Antonio.Sorbet1 cup water 1 1/2 cups sugar 8 Braeburn apples, peeled and coredBoil water and sugar for 5 minutes to make a simple syrup. Make fresh apple juice by puréeing apples thoroughly in a food processor and pushing through a fine strainer.
Recipe from chef-owner Lynette Hawkins Mandola, La Mora, Houston.Balsamic Vinaigrette2 tablespoons pancetta (2 or 3 ounces), sliced 1/8-inch thick and then cut into 1/4-inch squares (you may substitute prosciutto) 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons red-wine vinegar 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar 1/2 teaspoon sugar 4 tablespoons olive oil
Pistachio and Eggnog Milk Sauce1/2 cup shelled pistachios 4 medium egg yolks 1/2 cup sugar (less if using eggnog, to taste) 1/2 quart whipping cream or eggnog 1 quart milk 1 vanilla bean, splitRoast pistachios at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, chop, and cool. Whisk egg yolks and sugar in
1 cup cooking oil 2 cups sugar 3 eggs 2 1/2 cups flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1 teaspoon vanilla 4 cups peeled and chopped Granny Smith apples 1 cup chopped pecansPreheat over to 350 degrees. Combine oil and
3 cups Softasilk cake flour 1 cup sugar 1 1/2 tablespoons baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup shortening (Crisco is fine) 3 lightly beaten eggs 1/2 cup milk 2 tablespoons vanilla 2 cups heavy cream 1/4 cup sugar powdered sugarFor Strawberry Shortcake: 2 1/2 pints strawberries 2
Recipe from The Grape’s chef Jason Gorman.Cranberry-Mango Chutney1/8 cup minced garlic 1 cup cranberry juice 1/2 cup honey 1 cup fresh cranberries 1 small mango, diced 1/2 cup dried apricots, diced 1 stick cinnamon 1 tablespoon diced fresh gingerSauté garlic in a saucepan until golden brown. Add remaining ingredients and
Núóc Mam Dipping Sauce3/4 cup Squid brand fish sauce (núóc mam, available at oriental markets) 1/4 cup rice wine vinegar 2 tablespoons chopped scallions (green onions)Whisk ingredients together and set aside.Vegetable Platter1 head leaf lettuce 1 bunch fresh mint 8 ounces bean sprouts 8 thin spears fresh pineapple, cut lengthwise
Ginger Slaw2 tablespoons chopped prepared pickled ginger 2 tablespoons juice from pickled ginger 1 tablespoon sugar 1/2 cup rice wine vinegar 1/2 teaspoon sesame oil 1/2 medium head red cabbage, thinly sliced 1/4 head napa or savoy cabbage, thinly sliced 1 carrot, peeled and thinly julienned 1 red bell pepper,
From Cooking: “I, Piscivore” by Gary Cartwright, in the September 1987 issue of Texas Monthly.1 large egg2 tablespoons mayonnaise, crème fraîche, or sour cream2 teaspoons Dijon mustard or the hotter Louisiana Creole mustardPinch of cayenne pepper1/2 teaspoon freshly ground white pepperPinch of salt1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce1 pound
Cheesecake1/2 pound cooked Maine lobster 1/2 pound lump crabmeat 1/2 pound cooked jumbo shrimp 1 pound mascarpone cheese 2 pounds cream cheese 5 eggs 1 1/4 cups flour 1/2 bunch scallions, diced Kosher salt and white pepper to tastePreheat oven to 250 degrees.Cut cream cheese into smallish chunks. Allow both
Recipe from restaurant owner Benjy Levit, Benjy’s, Houston.Coffee Maple Syrup1 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup whole coffee beans, any typePlace syrup and coffee beans in a small nonreactive saucepan and simmer over low heat for a few minutes, then let steep for a couple of hours. Remove beans. (May be
3 cups long-grain rice (preferably basmati) 1 large onion 1-inch piece gingerroot, peeled 6 garlic cloves 5 tablespoons peanut oil 1 large tomato, finely chopped 1 1/2 teaspoons poppy seeds Scant 1/2 teaspoon turmeric 3/4 teaspoon each of cumin powder, ground coriander, and Indian red chile powder (or cayenne pepper)
The nontraditional step of cooking the onion and chiles gives them a full, roasted flavor that goes beautifully with the mellow avocado. Just don’t stand too close to the pan while cooking the chiles, or the fumes will burn your nose.2 teaspoons unsalted butter 2 teaspoons vegetable oil 3 serrano
Radicchio Walnut Salad9 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar (preferably from Modena) 2/3 cup sugar 1 cup walnut halves 2 heads radicchio, coarsely chopped or torn 3 ounces Gorgonzola, finely crumbled salt and pepper to tasteWhisk oil and vinegar until thick and season with salt and pepper. Set
Recipe from chef and owner Louise Lamensdorf, Bistro Louise, Fort Worth.Grilled Salmon4 teaspoons coarse sea salt 2 tablespoons sugar 2 tablespoons black pepper 1 cup fresh mint, chopped 4 six-ounce salmon filetsMix first 4 ingredients, rub on salmon, and marinate 2 to 24 hours. Grill (or sauté) filets for 3
Recipe from Z’Tejas Grill, Austin.Black Bean—Mango Relish1/2 cup cooked black beans, rinsed (may use canned) 1 ripe mango, diced 1/2 red bell pepper, diced 2 tablespoons chopped cilantro 1 teaspoon chopped fresh ginger 2 tablespoons chopped red onion 1 teaspoon chopped fresh jalapeño Juice of 1 limeCombine ingredients and chill.Saffron
Scallops20 large (U-10) 4 tablespoons olive oil 1 lime, sliced 8 sprigs cilantroRinse scallops in cold water and remove small muscle attached to side. Place in medium bowl with olive oil, lime, and cilantro. Marinate in refrigerator for 2 hours. Just before serving, cook on a very hot grill until
