Roundups of Texas’s most ridiculous and idiotic endeavors
The Grapevine City Council approved spending $60,000 in public funds to erect a four-and-a-half-foot unicorn statue on the roof of the city’s convention and visitors bureau building.
So you think you can write a Bum Steer headline.
Yeah, we blew it. Our January 2014 Bum Steers cover shows the wrong Astros uniform. So we'll be the first to admit that we deserve a bum steer.
Bum Steers is an attitude! Bum Steers is a lifestyle! And, best of all, now Bum Steers is a chance to shop!
And the winners are . . .
Editor’s Note: This year we partnered with our friends at Bum Steers News to bring you the most shocking, outrageous, and ridiculous Bum Steer issue ever. Below, you’ll find a preview of their incredible findings. The full report will be available on newsstands next week.
Fans thought the Astros and Texans were among the worst teams in professional sports last year, but stunning new revelations show just how bad they really were.
In August a recording surfaced of the lieutenant governor asking the Allen Police Department to help spring a recently arrested relative from jail. As one unsuspecting pizza salesman also learned this year, it wasn't the only time the lite guv not so deftly attempted to throw his weight around.
This time he was arrested upon arrival at the airport, after allegedly choking flight attendants and making sexual remarks.
This is no way to revive The Battle of the Brazos: Ennis municipal court judge W. Lee Johnson, a Baylor alumnus, was publicly reprimanded for his none-too-subtle post about the A&M QB’s apparent moving violation.
Audrey Deen Miller was arrested earlier this week in Spring for shooting her husband, who apparently had bad intentions towards one her felines.
Picking up a Houston Chronicle story, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram printed the name of Chron reporter Yang Wang as "Yank Wang." She took it in good stride.
A friend says breast cancer is the reason former El Paso County Judge Dolores Briones helped embezzle money from a program for mentally ill children.
Natalie Plummer's handwritten grocery-bag sign warning motorists near downtown of a speed trap led to her arrest for "walking in the roadway." She claims she never left the sidewalk.
Who is the Bum Steer here? The Houstonian who refused to pay a mandatory tip or the restaurant that allegedly locked her in the establishment and called the police when she wouldn't pay up?
In El Paso, a man suffers a heart attack at the Red Parrot, while in Houston a dancer known as "Pocahontas" is a murder suspect.
A 21-year-old El Paso man was arrested for "pulling an Ozzy" and urinating on the Alamo Saturday night.
Houston Bellaire wide receiver Devin Lauderdale and three friends were supposed to attend the Red Raiders spring football game, but clearly didn't know the way to Lubbock.
Sheriff's deputies arrested 26-year-old Ricardo Luna, who allegedly tried to use crack cocaine as payment for a $10 lap dance at the XTC Cabaret strip club in Austin.
Air conditioning heir John Goodman adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend for legal and financial reasons, but it's still icky.
Texas Monthly senior editor Katy Vine shares a few stories from one of her favorite writers of the year.
We picked. You reacted. Tweets and articles about our Bum Steer of the Year, Governor—and, last time we checked, Republican presidential candidate—Rick Perry.
It was a year of avaricious Astros fans, brainless bank robbers, competence-free comptrollers, discourteous doctors, enraged exes, frisky Frisco-ites, greedy gram-toting grandmothers, hotheaded hand surgeons, ill-informed idiots, jammed-full Jaguars, knife-krazy Kimbroughs, lambasted Lufkinites, mean-spirited magazine articles, nervy narcotics users, obtuse O’Neals, profane pilots, quazy Quaids, romantically rejected receivers, surveilling Scientologists,
It was a year of appalling analogies, bare-naked Badu, collapsing Cowboys, dim-witted Daughters of the Republic of Texas, egregious Ethics Commission, felonious fishermen (not to mention frisky firefighters), G-rated (not) guards, hilarious headlines, imperial incumbents, jackass judges (as always!), klutzy kat rescuers, legendarily lame and losing Longhorns, mind-boggling menus, noncompliant
A year of asking-for-it Aggies, badass broccoli, contraband coffee, Death Row decor, extrapolating elephants, faux feet, god-awful gimmickry, humongous heavyweights, incomparable ironers, judicial jimjams, kaput kowtowers, lame-brained liberals, moping millionaires, NASA ninnies, off-putting officials, prize-winning pignappers, quasi-comic quipsters, red-handed rapscallions, scarfable sod, theoretical thongs, ungodly ungulates, vomiting vegetation, wild-eyed window-breakers,
It was a year of aggrieved actors, banned boobs, Cuban commodes, DeLay denial, errant Elmo, frisky floaters, grouchy governors, hung hoopsters, immigration insensitivity, job-seeking judges, klobbered Karl, Longhorn lushes, miffed musicians, nude no-no’s, ousted Osteens, peeved passers, quarreling queens, riled Rangers, subpar sheriffs, tiny “terrorists,” unseemly URLs, vice presidential violence,
It was a year of accomplice apes, bedraggled Bugattis, Christlike Cheetos, dim-witted deli-owning Democrats, egregious errata, fatal foreplay, gun-toting golfers, heartless high school hoopsters, ignoble implants, jackass judges, killer Kims, laughingstock legislators, miniature museum mummies, nincompoop ne’er-do-wells, overwhelming odors, pandering Perry, quazy Quaids, reassuring Riddle, shameless Stanford, territorial T. Boone,
A year of asinine actresses, bare-bottomed bongos, curious car washes, dunderheaded deejays, elongated enchiladas, furious filmgoers, Gore goofs, huge hydrants, ice in demand, jettisoned Jagger, kooky Kansans, lecherous legislators, misinformed McDonald's, newsmaker nuts, odorous ocelots, promiscuous passengers, questionable quizzes, ridiculous recipes, speedy sports-team owners, traveling toilets, ubiquitous underwear, vapid vegetarians,
The Escapees Are the Ones Who Are Jogging Fast Nacogdoches County changed its prisoners’ work-crew uniforms from ultra-bright orange to old-fashioned black-and-white stripes after alarmed citizens reported sighting escapees who turned out to be joggers.Try Our Famous Vanilla Waivers, Coffee With Chicanery, Subpoena Noir, Hot Tea With a Twist of
It was a year of angry Aggies, Baptist bravado, confused Cheney, death row drollery, enemas in evidence, fetid feet, ghetto gobbledygook, helicopter hunts, insurance idiocy, jerk judges, kin kidnappers, lawbreaking Longhorns, meshuggener misfires, NASA nimrods, Oswald online, pooped-on presidents, quick quarrels, requested roaches, scrotum-scarring Sooners, taped teenagers, unhinged urinators, visible
It was a year of abbreviated Aggies, bamboozling boxers, charged Cuban, dumb district attorneys, estrogen-packed elevators, famished firemen, graveyard ganja, half-wit husbands, imaginary illegal immigrants, Jessica jests, koncert kayos, lawn-watering Lance, muddled Moron, next-of-kin-offending newspapers, oblivious operators, pornographic prom dresses, questionable quiz takers, repulsive Roger, stolen shih tzus, tasteless team
Where is Alfred Hitchcock When You Need Him?The Texas Department of Agriculture fined a crop duster in Wilbarger County $1,250 for spraying pesticide on a family of four in a pickup truck.Drive Friendly—I’m Uninsured.To avoid Texas insurance and safety standards, at least two thousand drivers from El Paso illegally purchased
Famous Fun Feuds.
A year of alternative armadillos, bogus bills, contraband condoms, defecting drivers, eventful endorsements, futile floss, gorgeous golfers, humongous hair, imploding implants, jet joyrides, Kansas City klunkers, licentious libraries, mayoral Mafiosi, N-vaded N-dians, outlaw odors, phighting physicists, queasy quesadillas, royal relatives, shunned Schwarzkopf, tainted teachers, underworld underwear, verbose vasectomies, welfare Willies,
Rod Canion Houston-based Compaq Computer Corporation, which he co-founded, fired him as presidentDallas CBS canceled the series after a thirteen-year run that featured the mythic evil of J. R. Ewing.Gib Lewis The five-term Speaker of the House was indicted on misdemeanor ethics charges.Danny Faulkner The developer in the Interstate 30
Chicken Ranch brother souvenirs, including 1992 calendars with photos of prostitutes in Old West costumes, available for $14.95 from CRI Marketing in Los Angeles.UT Texas Longhorns cologne, based on Texas cedarwood oil, sold for $24 (1.7 ounces) by Texarome of Leakey.Savings and loan scandal trading cards, featuring Neil Bush of
From Good Bull: More Aggie Escapades, by John Hoyle:One of the no-no’s in the Corps is to have a member of the opposite sex in your dorm room at the wrong hours. One night, a group of Fish saw a senior sneaking a young woman into his room. The freshmen,
How ignoble was 2012? It was a year in which our idols fell from their pedestals only to land on our leaders, who had already toppled from their own heights. The shame spiral began on January 3, when Rick Perry lost his first election ever, the Iowa caucuses in the
KHOU ran a story about convicted rapist Abraham Joseph and next to it embedded a Twitter feed populating tweets related to the story. Unfortunately it pulled innocent @abrahamjoseph into its web.
Christopher Erck, owner of the Worm Tequila and Mezcal bar in San Antonio, applied to trademark the phrase, "I can't remember the Alamo," a joke the custodians of the historic structure found none too funny.
A Cowboys fan who claims she was burned by a hot bench outside Cowboys Stadium has sued the team and Jerry Jones.
UPDATE: Judge Lanny Moriarty has vacated Diane Tran's conviction. The Willis High School junior has repeatedly missed school because she also works two jobs.
Due to a proofreading error, the program for Saturday's commencement ceremony at UT's Lyndon B. Johnson School of Public Affairs left out a crucial "L.”
A middle schooler’s playoff tribute to his fellow redhead on the San Antonio Spurs has been deemed a "distraction" by the Judson ISD.
Tears on Our SteersYour portrayal of Governor Perry is totally insulting. Whether you agree or disagree with his politics, he is the governor of our great state and, as such, deserves a measure of respect. Jo Snoddy Cleburne Shame on TEXAS MONTHLY for using a caricature drawn by some green-behind-the-ears
We revisit Sheyla Hershey, the woman from Houston with 38-KKK breasts who is now the subject of an episode of My Strange Addiction.
University of Texas fans are fuming about the photo of a “Horns Down” Longhorn that the Alcalde put up on its website.
The bar was set pretty high even before last year’s Bum Steers cover was named one of seven winners in the American Society of Magazine Editors’ annual Best Cover Contest. I mean, honestly: How to top Dick Cheney with a scowl and a shotgun? It’s not as if there was
Senior executive editor Paul Burka on editing Bum Steers.
JUST LIKE HE RAN FOR PRESIDENT After his powerboat, The Rough Rider, sped through a 5-knot zone at a speed of 30 knots, Ross Perot was fined $300 in Bermuda Magistrates’ Court for operating “without reasonable consideration.” SHE ONLY HAD ONE CLIENT ANYWAY Prior to her withdrawal as a
