bum steers

Bum Steers

Roundups of Texas’s most ridiculous and idiotic endeavors

Bum Steers |
January 21, 2013

When Tipping Isn’t Optional

Who is the Bum Steer here? The Houstonian who refused to pay a mandatory tip or the restaurant that allegedly locked her in the establishment and called the police when she wouldn't pay up?

Bum Steers |
January 21, 2013

The 2012 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of avaricious Astros fans, brainless bank robbers, competence-free comptrollers, discourteous doctors, enraged exes, frisky Frisco-ites, greedy gram-toting grandmothers, hotheaded hand surgeons, ill-informed idiots, jammed-full Jaguars, knife-krazy Kimbroughs, lambasted Lufkinites, mean-spirited magazine articles, nervy narcotics users, obtuse O’Neals, profane pilots, quazy Quaids, romantically rejected receivers, surveilling Scientologists,

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

The 2011 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of appalling analogies, bare-naked Badu, collapsing Cowboys, dim-witted Daughters of the Republic of Texas, egregious Ethics Commission, felonious fishermen (not to mention frisky firefighters), G-rated (not) guards, hilarious headlines, imperial incumbents, jackass judges (as always!), klutzy kat rescuers, legendarily lame and losing Longhorns, mind-boggling menus, noncompliant

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

1999 Bum Steer Awards

A year of asking-for-it Aggies, badass broccoli, contraband coffee, Death Row decor, extrapolating elephants, faux feet, god-awful gimmickry, humongous heavyweights, incomparable ironers, judicial jimjams, kaput kowtowers, lame-brained liberals, moping millionaires, NASA ninnies, off-putting officials, prize-winning pignappers, quasi-comic quipsters, red-handed rapscallions, scarfable sod, theoretical thongs, ungodly ungulates, vomiting vegetation, wild-eyed window-breakers,

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

The 2007 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of aggrieved actors, banned boobs, Cuban commodes, DeLay denial, errant Elmo, frisky floaters, grouchy governors, hung hoopsters, immigration insensitivity, job-seeking judges, klobbered Karl, Longhorn lushes, miffed musicians, nude no-no’s, ousted Osteens, peeved passers, quarreling queens, riled Rangers, subpar sheriffs, tiny “terrorists,” unseemly URLs, vice presidential violence,

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

The 2010 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of accomplice apes, bedraggled Bugattis, Christlike Cheetos, dim-witted deli-owning Democrats, egregious errata, fatal foreplay, gun-toting golfers, heartless high school hoopsters, ignoble implants, jackass judges, killer Kims, laughingstock legislators, miniature museum mummies, nincompoop ne’er-do-wells, overwhelming odors, pandering Perry, quazy Quaids, reassuring Riddle, shameless Stanford, territorial T. Boone,

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

The 2000 Bum Steer Awards

A year of asinine actresses, bare-bottomed bongos, curious car washes, dunderheaded deejays, elongated enchiladas, furious filmgoers, Gore goofs, huge hydrants, ice in demand, jettisoned Jagger, kooky Kansans, lecherous legislators, misinformed McDonald's, newsmaker nuts, odorous ocelots, promiscuous passengers, questionable quizzes, ridiculous recipes, speedy sports-team owners, traveling toilets, ubiquitous underwear, vapid vegetarians,

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

1998 Bum Steer Awards

The Escapees Are the Ones Who Are Jogging Fast Nacogdoches County changed its prisoners’ work-crew uniforms from ultra-bright orange to old-fashioned black-and-white stripes after alarmed citizens reported sighting escapees who turned out to be joggers.Try Our Famous Vanilla Waivers, Coffee With Chicanery, Subpoena Noir, Hot Tea With a Twist of

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

The 2008 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of angry Aggies, Baptist bravado, confused Cheney, death row drollery, enemas in evidence, fetid feet, ghetto gobbledygook, helicopter hunts, insurance idiocy, jerk judges, kin kidnappers, lawbreaking Longhorns, meshuggener misfires, NASA nimrods, Oswald online, pooped-on presidents, quick quarrels, requested roaches, scrotum-scarring Sooners, taped teenagers, unhinged urinators, visible

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

The 2009 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of abbreviated Aggies, bamboozling boxers, charged Cuban, dumb district attorneys, estrogen-packed elevators, famished firemen, graveyard ganja, half-wit husbands, imaginary illegal immigrants, Jessica jests, koncert kayos, lawn-watering Lance, muddled Moron, next-of-kin-offending newspapers, oblivious operators, pornographic prom dresses, questionable quiz takers, repulsive Roger, stolen shih tzus, tasteless team

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

1992 Bum Steers Awards

Where is Alfred Hitchcock When You Need Him?The Texas Department of Agriculture fined a crop duster in Wilbarger County $1,250 for spraying pesticide on a family of four in a pickup truck.Drive Friendly—I’m Uninsured.To avoid Texas insurance and safety standards, at least two thousand drivers from El Paso illegally purchased

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

The 1992 Bum Steer Awards

A year of alternative armadillos, bogus bills, contraband condoms, defecting drivers, eventful endorsements, futile floss, gorgeous golfers, humongous hair, imploding implants, jet joyrides, Kansas City klunkers, licentious libraries, mayoral Mafiosi, N-vaded N-dians, outlaw odors, phighting physicists, queasy quesadillas, royal relatives, shunned Schwarzkopf, tainted teachers, underworld underwear, verbose vasectomies, welfare Willies,

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

It’s Over!

Rod Canion Houston-based Compaq Computer Corporation, which he co-founded, fired him as presidentDallas CBS canceled the series after a thirteen-year run that featured the mythic evil of J. R. Ewing.Gib Lewis The five-term Speaker of the House was indicted on misdemeanor ethics charges.Danny Faulkner The developer in the Interstate 30

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

Buyer Beware

Chicken Ranch brother souvenirs, including 1992 calendars with photos of prostitutes in Old West costumes, available for $14.95 from CRI Marketing in Los Angeles.UT Texas Longhorns cologne, based on Texas cedarwood oil, sold for $24 (1.7 ounces) by Texarome of Leakey.Savings and loan scandal trading cards, featuring Neil Bush of

Bum Steers |
January 20, 2013

Words of Art

From Good Bull: More Aggie Escapades, by John Hoyle:One of the no-no’s in the Corps is to have a member of the opposite sex in your dorm room at the wrong hours. One night, a group of Fish saw a senior sneaking a young woman into his room. The freshmen,

Bum Steers |
January 1, 2013

The 2013 Bum Steer Awards

How ignoble was 2012? It was a year in which our idols fell from their pedestals only to land on our leaders, who had already toppled from their own heights. The shame spiral began on January 3, when Rick Perry lost his first election ever, the Iowa caucuses in the

Bum Steers |
March 1, 2012

Roar of the Crowd

Tears on Our SteersYour portrayal of Governor Perry is totally insulting. Whether you agree or disagree with his politics, he is the governor of our great state and, as such, deserves a measure of respect.
Jo Snoddy Cleburne Shame on TEXAS MONTHLY for using a caricature drawn by some green-behind-the-ears

Bum Steers |
January 1, 2008

Bum Rap

The bar was set pretty high even before last year’s Bum Steers cover was named one of seven winners in the American Society of Magazine Editors’ annual Best Cover Contest. I mean, honestly: How to top Dick Cheney with a scowl and a shotgun? It’s not as if there was

Bum Steers |
January 1, 2006

The 2006 Bum Steer Awards

JUST LIKE HE RAN FOR PRESIDENT After his powerboat, The Rough Rider, sped through a 5-knot zone at a speed of 30 knots, Ross Perot was fined $300 in Bermuda Magistrates’ Court for operating “without reasonable consideration.” SHE ONLY HAD ONE CLIENT ANYWAY Prior to her withdrawal as a