Editor’s Note: This year we partnered with our friends at Bum Steers News to bring you the most shocking, outrageous, and ridiculous Bum Steer issue ever. Below, you’ll find a preview of their incredible findings. The full report will be available on newsstands next week.
In August a recording surfaced of the lieutenant governor asking the Allen Police Department to help spring a recently arrested relative from jail. As one unsuspecting pizza salesman also learned this year, it wasn't the only time the lite guv not so deftly attempted to throw his weight around.
This time he was arrested upon arrival at the airport, after allegedly choking flight attendants and making sexual remarks.
This is no way to revive The Battle of the Brazos: Ennis municipal court judge W. Lee Johnson, a Baylor alumnus, was publicly reprimanded for his none-too-subtle post about the A&M QB’s apparent moving violation.
A friend says breast cancer is the reason former El Paso County Judge Dolores Briones helped embezzle money from a program for mentally ill children.
Natalie Plummer's handwritten grocery-bag sign warning motorists near downtown of a speed trap led to her arrest for "walking in the roadway." She claims she never left the sidewalk.
A 21-year-old El Paso man was arrested for "pulling an Ozzy" and urinating on the Alamo Saturday night.
Houston Bellaire wide receiver Devin Lauderdale and three friends were supposed to attend the Red Raiders spring football game, but clearly didn't know the way to Lubbock.
Sheriff's deputies arrested 26-year-old Ricardo Luna, who allegedly tried to use crack cocaine as payment for a $10 lap dance at the XTC Cabaret strip club in Austin.
Air conditioning heir John Goodman adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend for legal and financial reasons, but it's still icky.
Texas Monthly senior editor Katy Vine shares a few stories from one of her favorite writers of the year.
It was a year of appalling analogies, bare-naked Badu, collapsing Cowboys, dim-witted Daughters of the Republic of Texas, egregious Ethics Commission, felonious fishermen (not to mention frisky firefighters), G-rated (not) guards, hilarious headlines, imperial incumbents, jackass judges (as always!), klutzy kat rescuers, legendarily lame and losing Longhorns, mind-boggling menus, noncompliant
It was a year of accomplice apes, bedraggled Bugattis, Christlike Cheetos, dim-witted deli-owning Democrats, egregious errata, fatal foreplay, gun-toting golfers, heartless high school hoopsters, ignoble implants, jackass judges, killer Kims, laughingstock legislators, miniature museum mummies, nincompoop ne’er-do-wells, overwhelming odors, pandering Perry, quazy Quaids, reassuring Riddle, shameless Stanford, territorial T. Boone,
It was a year of angry Aggies, Baptist bravado, confused Cheney, death row drollery, enemas in evidence, fetid feet, ghetto gobbledygook, helicopter hunts, insurance idiocy, jerk judges, kin kidnappers, lawbreaking Longhorns, meshuggener misfires, NASA nimrods, Oswald online, pooped-on presidents, quick quarrels, requested roaches, scrotum-scarring Sooners, taped teenagers, unhinged urinators, visible
Where is Alfred Hitchcock When You Need Him?The Texas Department of Agriculture fined a crop duster in Wilbarger County $1,250 for spraying pesticide on a family of four in a pickup truck.Drive Friendly—I’m Uninsured.To avoid Texas insurance and safety standards, at least two thousand drivers from El Paso illegally purchased
A year of alternative armadillos, bogus bills, contraband condoms, defecting drivers, eventful endorsements, futile floss, gorgeous golfers, humongous hair, imploding implants, jet joyrides, Kansas City klunkers, licentious libraries, mayoral Mafiosi, N-vaded N-dians, outlaw odors, phighting physicists, queasy quesadillas, royal relatives, shunned Schwarzkopf, tainted teachers, underworld underwear, verbose vasectomies, welfare Willies,
Rod Canion Houston-based Compaq Computer Corporation, which he co-founded, fired him as presidentDallas CBS canceled the series after a thirteen-year run that featured the mythic evil of J. R. Ewing.Gib Lewis The five-term Speaker of the House was indicted on misdemeanor ethics charges.Danny Faulkner The developer in the Interstate 30
Chicken Ranch brother souvenirs, including 1992 calendars with photos of prostitutes in Old West costumes, available for $14.95 from CRI Marketing in Los Angeles.UT Texas Longhorns cologne, based on Texas cedarwood oil, sold for $24 (1.7 ounces) by Texarome of Leakey.Savings and loan scandal trading cards, featuring Neil Bush of
How ignoble was 2012? It was a year in which our idols fell from their pedestals only to land on our leaders, who had already toppled from their own heights. The shame spiral began on January 3, when Rick Perry lost his first election ever, the Iowa caucuses in the
Christopher Erck, owner of the Worm Tequila and Mezcal bar in San Antonio, applied to trademark the phrase, "I can't remember the Alamo," a joke the custodians of the historic structure found none too funny.
UPDATE: Judge Lanny Moriarty has vacated Diane Tran's conviction. The Willis High School junior has repeatedly missed school because she also works two jobs.
A middle schooler’s playoff tribute to his fellow redhead on the San Antonio Spurs has been deemed a "distraction" by the Judson ISD.
Tears on Our SteersYour portrayal of Governor Perry is totally insulting. Whether you agree or disagree with his politics, he is the governor of our great state and, as such, deserves a measure of respect. Jo Snoddy Cleburne Shame on TEXAS MONTHLY for using a caricature drawn by some green-behind-the-ears
We revisit Sheyla Hershey, the woman from Houston with 38-KKK breasts who is now the subject of an episode of My Strange Addiction.
University of Texas fans are fuming about the photo of a “Horns Down” Longhorn that the Alcalde put up on its website.
The bar was set pretty high even before last year’s Bum Steers cover was named one of seven winners in the American Society of Magazine Editors’ annual Best Cover Contest. I mean, honestly: How to top Dick Cheney with a scowl and a shotgun? It’s not as if there was
The Prairie View A&M Panthers. With a 64—0 loss to Grambling, Prairie View set an all-time collegiate football record by losing its fifty-first straight game, a streak that is now at 57 and counting. Jim Hightower. The former state agriculture commissioner and critic of corporations was dumped by ABC
Jeffrey Dahmer Would Have Loved It The Houston Chronicle food section offered a stew recipe that called for “1 1⁄2 pounds skinless, boneless children breasts or thighs.” At Least He Left the Punch and Cookies A robber hit a neighborhood branch of the Security State Bank of Abilene the same day that the
TEXAS ROAD SIDE BEEF JERKY (“You Kill It—We Grill It”), available from Richter Enterprises in Hondo for $4.99. THE LION KING AND OTHER PAPIER-MACHE ART made from toilet paper by inmates of the El Paso County jail, priced individually. AGGIE CASKETS, in maroon fiberglass, available at Southwood Funeral Home in
LYNDON B. JOHNSON AND HIS FAMILY PAPER DOLLS, a cutout book featuring Lyndon and his family in their undies, published by Dover Books as part of its presidential paper doll series, $4.95. TRAIL OF FLAME: THE RED-HOT GUIDE TO SPICY RESTAURANTS ACROSS AMERICA, by Jennifer Trainer Thompson,
A year of Anna’s antics, biker Barbara, capsized chiles, Davidians defined, expensive electricity, futile freebies, Gramm gossip, helpful hurricanes, insect ingestion, jousting jurors, king-size kindergartens, lottery litigation, Microsoft misprints, naughty nonagenarians, ostracized Oilers, punching princes, questionable quenching, romantic rhinos, sanctified shooters, topless trading, unfriendly unionists, vetoed vagrants, weird wine, X-posed
A year of amorous angels, bra buzzers, camouflaged Claytie, denied Davidians, escaped evangelists, faulty flags, gainful gangs, hefty hypnosis, inmate inedibles, jumbo jock-straps, kaput killdeers, lunching Lassie, mercurial mushrooms, nabbed ninjas, overhyped O.J., pumpkin purloiners, questionable quizzes, rap ruffians, sexy sprinters, tack taxis, unappreciated universities, videotaped villains, wayward Willie, X-sposing
A year of Arlington appellations, bedouined Bush, candied coiffures, detestable dinosaurs, effervescent executioners, fancy fertilizer, greedy Gorbachev, holy Halloweens, ignorant ichthyofauna, Japanese jokes, klipped Klingons, lottery lovebirds, medical margaritas, nude nuptials, overwhelmed ostriches, pugilistic pitchers, quashed quarterback, royal redialings, satanic Santas, titillating typos, UFO urgings, vindictive Vermonters, wanted: wives, X-citable
It was a year of absent Alamos, buried Barbies, castrated calves, derriere drawings, errant escalators, filching frats, grid-iron graduates, hightailing hoopsters, income-tax immigrants, jailed joggers, Keating kudos, lascivious linksters, mercenary morticians, nonoffensive nachos, overdrawn officials, Perot pumpkins, querulous quackers, relaxed Rangers, safe-sex students, testosterone teeth, undersea upraisings, visionary vacuumers, wounded