Senior editor Anne Dingus on the Bum Steers traditions and mocking those other Simpsons.
A year of alarming art, befuddled bus drivers, crustacean confiscators, demanding donors, entomological eats, feckless felons, garbled George W., hideous headgear, inspirational ice cream, juiced journalists, KKK kiss-offs, Lubbock lampooners, mucho manure, nada nudity, oafish officials, P.O.'d policemen, quirky queens, raunchy Republicans, shapely sideburns, thanatological toys, used uniforms, vampire vanquishers,
A year of absent atheists, barbecue bias, College Station Cinderellas, devilish Disney, exiting egrets, far-out fingernails, goatsucker galas, hysterical historians, indoctrinated inmates, junkie joinings, kosher konfusion, loaded lawyers, murderous martinis, naughty Nolan, outvoted orbiters, porcine psychics, quaff quarrels, rapture rifts, senile senators, tackling tarantulas, unconstitutional urine, variable vegetarians, Web site
TEXAS ROAD SIDE BEEF JERKY (“You Kill It—We Grill It”), available from Richter Enterprises in Hondo for $4.99. THE LION KING AND OTHER PAPIER-MACHE ART made from toilet paper by inmates of the El Paso County jail, priced individually. AGGIE CASKETS, in maroon fiberglass, available at Southwood Funeral Home in
LYNDON B. JOHNSON AND HIS FAMILY PAPER DOLLS, a cutout book featuring Lyndon and his family in their undies, published by Dover Books as part of its presidential paper doll series, $4.95. TRAIL OF FLAME: THE RED-HOT GUIDE TO SPICY RESTAURANTS ACROSS AMERICA, by Jennifer Trainer Thompson,
A year of Anna’s antics, biker Barbara, capsized chiles, Davidians defined, expensive electricity, futile freebies, Gramm gossip, helpful hurricanes, insect ingestion, jousting jurors, king-size kindergartens, lottery litigation, Microsoft misprints, naughty nonagenarians, ostracized Oilers, punching princes, questionable quenching, romantic rhinos, sanctified shooters, topless trading, unfriendly unionists, vetoed vagrants, weird wine, X-posed
The Prairie View A&M Panthers. With a 64—0 loss to Grambling, Prairie View set an all-time collegiate football record by losing its fifty-first straight game, a streak that is now at 57 and counting. Jim Hightower. The former state agriculture commissioner and critic of corporations was dumped by ABC
Jeffrey Dahmer Would Have Loved It The Houston Chronicle food section offered a stew recipe that called for “1 1⁄2 pounds skinless, boneless children breasts or thighs.” At Least He Left the Punch and Cookies A robber hit a neighborhood branch of the Security State Bank of Abilene the same day that the
A year of amorous angels, bra buzzers, camouflaged Claytie, denied Davidians, escaped evangelists, faulty flags, gainful gangs, hefty hypnosis, inmate inedibles, jumbo jock-straps, kaput killdeers, lunching Lassie, mercurial mushrooms, nabbed ninjas, overhyped O.J., pumpkin purloiners, questionable quizzes, rap ruffians, sexy sprinters, tack taxis, unappreciated universities, videotaped villains, wayward Willie, X-sposing
A year of Arlington appellations, bedouined Bush, candied coiffures, detestable dinosaurs, effervescent executioners, fancy fertilizer, greedy Gorbachev, holy Halloweens, ignorant ichthyofauna, Japanese jokes, klipped Klingons, lottery lovebirds, medical margaritas, nude nuptials, overwhelmed ostriches, pugilistic pitchers, quashed quarterback, royal redialings, satanic Santas, titillating typos, UFO urgings, vindictive Vermonters, wanted: wives, X-citable
It was a year of absent Alamos, buried Barbies, castrated calves, derriere drawings, errant escalators, filching frats, grid-iron graduates, hightailing hoopsters, income-tax immigrants, jailed joggers, Keating kudos, lascivious linksters, mercenary morticians, nonoffensive nachos, overdrawn officials, Perot pumpkins, querulous quackers, relaxed Rangers, safe-sex students, testosterone teeth, undersea upraisings, visionary vacuumers, wounded
It was a year of absent anchors, Bush broccoliphobia, contraband clocks, dastardly Dakotas, egad! Elections, foolhardy fig leaves, governor’s grackles, Hussein harmonizing, incoherent Incaviglia, jury junkets, KO kisses, licentious license plates, misunderstood mummies, naughty notebooks, oil-spill oratory, pretentious pyres, quintessential quadraceps, reverential Sakowitz, telephone telepathy, unwise uppercuts, viper volunteers, wildcatting
A year of antagonistic attorneys, beleaguered Bushes, costumed cacti, dead dogs, espied Elvises, falling Fledermause, garbled grapes, hemline histrionics, imprudent impeachings, journalistic judges, kinky kindling, legislative largesse, mock McMurtrys, novelist’s nooks, overrated Odessas, phantom pharaohs, qualified quail, Ruby’s revolvers, spurious spies, tardy transcribers, U-charistic Uthanasians, vandalized vans, weird wieners, X-onerated
A year of avaricious Arabs, belligerent bovines, convincing Connallys, dubious degrees, elusive Elvises, furious firefighters, George's goofs, hassled Hunts. Ingenious inmates, jilted judges, knotorious Kneppers, loose locomotives, migrant moose, normative nerds, overcautious orchestras, preposterous pythons, qualmish queens, rampant roaches, Sue Ellen's swimsuits, targeted transvestites, upset umps, vetoed Virgins, wanton Willies,
A year of clumsy Clements, stupid stickups, ripped-off Rangers, cockeyed cops, agitated alligators, rotund cockroaches, jumpy judges, nitwit newsmen, addled Aggies, naughty newlyweds, randy retirees, and a pestered pontiff.
A year of anguished Arabs, bigshot bankrupts, crazy cookbooks, despoiled dinosaurs, exhibitionist editors, foiled fugitives, greens-eating graduates, half-cocked hashish, in flagrante inmates, jolly jailers, kinky kilocycles, late lobsters, moistened mayors, and northbound Nicaraguans.
A year of altered antlers, bunkum bars, cloddish coaches, defoliant diets, enervated elephants, filched flamingos, gunshot guitarists, haywire holidays, intoxicants’ incentives, jejune judges, kissing K-9’s, lousy lobster, and misdirected Michener.
A year of arousing art, bumbling bush, coerced canines, deranged Dallas, eureka! Eureste, freeway fantasy, groping Germans, hurtling helicopters, idiotic Irving, and jocose jelly beans.
Presenting Carolyn Farb, worthy to Dolph Briscoe, Farrah Fawcett, J. R. Ewing, Mike Martin, and Jackie Sherrill as Bum Steer of the Year—and 107 other fascinating foibles.
Presenting blazing barbecue, bumbling Bush, blaspheming Baptists, and 118 more of the best of the worst of Texas.
In which we salute the folks who made Texas the bizarre, flagrant, preposterous, funny, and endearing place it was last year.
A shameless selection of shames, shenanigans, subterfuges, spoofs, smokescreens, and saltimbancos Texans suffered through in ‘78.
Last year’s biggest bloopers, bleepers, blunders, bungles, boo-boos, bad breaks, bobbles, bevues, balks, and Briscoeisms.
All this, and the Legislature wasn’t even in session.
We spotlight the follies and foibles of our state that will go down in history—way down.
Last year’s disreputable moments, lowest jinks, outrageous events, and preposterous personalities.
We give appropriate recognition to all the people and events that have put us in the state we’re in.