Will hiring a yard guy make me soft?
It was the breast of times, it was the worst of times.
Does keeping a found twelve-pack of beer constitute stealing?
Or, how I stopped worrying and learned to love my formerly ugly, recently hip, linoleum-clad, mid-mod house.
Yes, it’s summer in Texas. It’s the summer to end all summers (please, God), with record-breaking heat, triple-digit temperatures, and the uncontrollable urge to sit in your freezer, atop the Häagen-Dazs bars.
Propane or charcoal?
You’ll never guess how I came to break bread with TV’s best-loved Marine.
I’m closing in on 100 “friends” on Facebook. That benchmark forces me to confront a terrible truth. I don’t really have 100 friends.
Every once in a while, it all seems to bite me in the you-know-what.
If you decided that 2008 was the year for you to cut yourself off from society, shed all material belongings, live off the land, and grow your own food, then you’ve got a pretty good head start.
Can one have too many Texas tattoos?
Hey, captains of industry: If Dr. Evil can have a Mini Me, why can’t the rest of us?
How would Jesus answer them? How will you?
Help! My campsite neighbors are making love. Loudly.
My Petco encounter with a shampoo celebrity.
Greetings from Snowbirdlandia! Wish you were old.
How high is too high to jack up a truck?
One year (okay, two days) of livin’ la vida locavore.
Senior executive editor Paul Burka on editing Bum Steers.
Spoiler alert: The mythic Marfa lights may not be real. But there’s no way to know for sure, and that’s why they’re cool.
Associate art director T. J. Tucker on co-designing this year’s Bum Steer Awards.
Humorist Rich Malley on being clever, writing headlines, and putting together Bum Steers.
1974BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS FLORAL BOUQUET To Janey Briscoe for her statement to the housewife whose Plainview home had been completely devastated by a tornado. Standing outside gazing at the only standing features, a chimney and a potted plant holding a wilted pansy, Mrs. Briscoe said: “I think you’ve been
We don’t have the money for an actual building yet, but maybe Ross Perot can empty the loose change from his pockets and pay for one. Or possibly Tom DeLay’s lobbyist friends can pony up; they always seem to. To the Aggies, we say: Don’t worry. You don’t have to
It was a year of appalling Anna Nicole, babbling Bar, conspiring cheerleaders, déclassé DeLay, enraptured Eva, fecal funny business, gubernatorial gaffes, horrifying Hook ’Em, illustrious intoxicators, juggy Jessica, Kinky kocktails, lame lawmakers, misidentified ministers, noticeable nepotism, obnoxious Oberst, powerboating Perot, queer quotes, rude Redskin, stimulated sex offenders, titillating teachers, unwanted
You’d love my collection of vintage Texas cookbooks. Just don’t ask me to cook from them.
When did I stop being cool?
Over the past thirty years, I’ve edited or written more than 28,000 restaurant reviews for this magazine. That’s a lot of crème brûlée under the bridge, folks. So what’s my life been like, exactly? And how have I stayed this thin? Good questions.
The fairy tale is long over, but reality hasn’t necessarily set in.
Blondness—natural or otherwise— is even more Texan than Big Hair.
Illustrator Tim Bower, who worked on this month’s cover story, talks about drawing, humor, and his favorite Bum Steer.
Senior editor Anne Dingus on the Bum Steers traditions and mocking those other Simpsons.
A passionate, pointed, and in retrospect, pot-induced defense of Austin.
Illustrator Steve Brodner discusses political satire and his new book, Freedom Fries.
A dreaded milestone approaches.
Do I, Kinky Friedman, take tequila-loving country singer Pat Green to be my friend for life? I do.
I never thought about saving my skin, until things got as serious as cancer.
Twenty titter-producing trinkets and toys, from a Leatherface action figure and a Houston Texans Christmas Village to a Texas Shriner doll and a snap-on longneck top for boring ol' cans.
Senior executive editor Paul Burka and senior editor Anne Dingus discuss this year’s Bum Steer Awards.
THE ACCOMMODATIONS WEREN’T BAD, BUT THE ALPO WAS SERVED COLD Curtis Lee Robin, of Vidor, after being convicted of abusing his eleven-year-old stepson by locking him out of the house at night, thus forcing him to sleep in a doghouse, agreed to a plea bargain under which he would sleep
It was a year of altitude-adjusting actors, bird-flipping benevolences, chili charlatans, dastardly deejays, embattled educators, flying freighty-cats, gubernatorial gallivantings, hip-hop hostilities, insatiable Isoptera, Judaically jolting jamborees, Kloroxed Kings, loblolly Leatherfaces, methodological manure-men, neuterings non grata, olé-less objets d'art, piscatorial policemen, queso quarrels, rear-end rectifyings, showboating second bananas, trio-trashing tractors, unamused
Paul Burka, senior executive editor and resident Bum Steer co-captain answers a few revealing questions.
Senior editor Anne Dingus, who along with Paul Burka, organizes and supervises the annual Bum Steer Awards, gives insight on the history of the long-standing tradition.
It was a year of asinine atheists, buck-naked bad guys, crud-coated coins, duct-taped duds, ex-Enron exhibitionists, felonious Ferraris, gaffe-prone guests, hijacked heads, icky incumbents, jittery java junkies, kaput kampaigns, lascivious lawyers, Munsters maniacs, ninny newlyweds, obdurate officials, pesky perfumes, quickie-minded quadrupeds, risible reading, superannuated sodas, titillating textbooks, un-dry urbanites, vamoosed
Dick Armey: Armey ManeuversArmey Maneuvers I: Backward, March!After House majority leader Dick Armey announced plans to retire from Congress at the end of 2002, his son Denton County judge Scott Armey, trying to capitalize on the family name, ran for his father’s seat but lost the primary runoff.Armey Maneuvers II:
Dependable!Bum Steers wouldn’t be Bum Steers without the Bushes.Econology Can Be So ConfusingPresident Bush described part of a conversation with Japan’s prime minister as “the devaluation issue,” causing a dip in the value of the yen until White House officials released a statement explaining that the president had meant
The Bull Just Smiled and Declined to Press ChargesJoey Allen Long, of Paris, was charged in Mount Pleasant with the theft of $4,600 worth of bull semen.We Can Only Imagine What the Words “Bob Torricelli” Did to HimThomas Ray Mitchell, of Texas City, was convicted of aggravated assault for shooting
Before you start wrapping presents, here's a gift from us to you: a Texas-holiday-themed crossword puzzle. Sharpen your pencil and get a clue.
The robber who fled to a police station and other criminally stupid stories from our Bum Steer archives.
Growing up in Wichita Falls, I was a skinny kid with buckteeth and a girl's name, so I got into my share of fights. To improve my odd's of winning-and turn my anger and fear into bravery and skill-I learned to box.