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Sarah Bird|
July 31, 2009

Ranch Blessing

Or, how I stopped worrying and learned to love my formerly ugly, recently hip, linoleum-clad, mid-mod house.

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Web Exclusive|
June 30, 2009

Sweater Weather

Yes, it’s summer in Texas. It’s the summer to end all summers (please, God), with record-breaking heat, triple-digit temperatures, and the uncontrollable urge to sit in your freezer, atop the Häagen-Dazs bars.

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Kinky Friedman|
April 30, 2009

Gomer And Me

You’ll never guess how I came to break bread with TV’s best-loved Marine.

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Web Exclusive|
February 1, 2009

A Friendship Hundredaire

I’m closing in on 100 “friends” on Facebook. That benchmark forces me to confront a terrible truth. I don’t really have 100 friends.

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Web Exclusive|
December 1, 2008

What’s in Your Wallet?

If you decided that 2008 was the year for you to cut yourself off from society, shed all material belongings, live off the land, and grow your own food, then you’ve got a pretty good head start.

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Feature|
May 31, 2006

The Truth Is Out There

Spoiler alert: The mythic Marfa lights may not be real. But there’s no way to know for sure, and that’s why they’re cool.

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Web Exclusive|
January 1, 2006

Seriously, Folks

Humorist Rich Malley on being clever, writing headlines, and putting together Bum Steers.

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Feature|
January 1, 2006

The Best Bum Steers. Ever.

1974BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS FLORAL BOUQUET To Janey Briscoe for her statement to the housewife whose Plainview home had been completely devastated by a tornado. Standing outside gazing at the only standing features, a chimney and a potted plant holding a wilted pansy, Mrs. Briscoe said: “I think you’ve been

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Feature|
January 1, 2006

Bum Steer Hall of Fame

We don’t have the money for an actual building yet, but maybe Ross Perot can empty the loose change from his pockets and pay for one. Or possibly Tom DeLay’s lobbyist friends can pony up; they always seem to. To the Aggies, we say: Don’t worry. You don’t have to

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Feature|
January 1, 2006

The 2006 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of appalling Anna Nicole, babbling Bar, conspiring cheerleaders, déclassé DeLay, enraptured Eva, fecal funny business, gubernatorial gaffes, horrifying Hook ’Em, illustrious intoxicators, juggy Jessica, Kinky kocktails, lame lawmakers, misidentified ministers, noticeable nepotism, obnoxious Oberst, powerboating Perot, queer quotes, rude Redskin, stimulated sex offenders, titillating teachers, unwanted

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Food & Drink|
March 1, 2005

Confessions of a “Skinny Bitch”

Over the past thirty years, I’ve edited or written more than 28,000 restaurant reviews for this magazine. That’s a lot of crème brûlée under the bridge, folks. So what’s my life been like, exactly? And how have I stayed this thin? Good questions.

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Web Exclusive|
January 1, 2005

The Funnies

Illustrator Tim Bower, who worked on this month’s cover story, talks about drawing, humor, and his favorite Bum Steer.

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Web Exclusive|
January 1, 2004

Bum Gifts

Twenty titter-producing trinkets and toys, from a Leatherface action figure and a Houston Texans Christmas Village to a Texas Shriner doll and a snap-on longneck top for boring ol' cans.

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Web Exclusive|
January 1, 2004

The Funnies

Senior executive editor Paul Burka and senior editor Anne Dingus discuss this year’s Bum Steer Awards.

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Feature|
January 1, 2004

What Kind of Year Was 2003?

THE ACCOMMODATIONS WEREN’T BAD, BUT THE ALPO WAS SERVED COLD Curtis Lee Robin, of Vidor, after being convicted of abusing his eleven-year-old stepson by locking him out of the house at night, thus forcing him to sleep in a doghouse, agreed to a plea bargain under which he would sleep

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Feature|
January 1, 2004

The 2004 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of altitude-adjusting actors, bird-flipping benevolences, chili charlatans, dastardly deejays, embattled educators, flying freighty-cats, gubernatorial gallivantings, hip-hop hostilities, insatiable Isoptera, Judaically jolting jamborees, Kloroxed Kings, loblolly Leatherfaces, methodological manure-men, neuterings non grata, olé-less objets d'art, piscatorial policemen, queso quarrels, rear-end rectifyings, showboating second bananas, trio-trashing tractors, unamused

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Web Exclusive|
January 1, 2003

Bum Steer Banter

Paul Burka, senior executive editor and resident Bum Steer co-captain answers a few revealing questions.

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Web Exclusive|
January 1, 2003

Steering the Bum Steers

Senior editor Anne Dingus, who along with Paul Burka, organizes and supervises the annual Bum Steer Awards, gives insight on the history of the long-standing tradition.

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Feature|
January 1, 2003

The 2003 Bum Steer Awards

It was a year of asinine atheists, buck-naked bad guys, crud-coated coins, duct-taped duds, ex-Enron exhibitionists, felonious Ferraris, gaffe-prone guests, hijacked heads, icky incumbents, jittery java junkies, kaput kampaigns, lascivious lawyers, Munsters maniacs, ninny newlyweds, obdurate officials, pesky perfumes, quickie-minded quadrupeds, risible reading, superannuated sodas, titillating textbooks, un-dry urbanites, vamoosed

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Feature|
January 1, 2003

Dick Armey: Armey Maneuvers

Dick Armey: Armey ManeuversArmey Maneuvers I: Backward, March!After House majority leader Dick Armey announced plans to retire from Congress at the end of 2002, his son Denton County judge Scott Armey, trying to capitalize on the family name, ran for his father’s seat but lost the primary runoff.Armey Maneuvers II:

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Feature|
January 1, 2003

Dependable, Lendable, Undefendable, Vendable!

Dependable!Bum Steers wouldn’t be Bum Steers without the Bushes.Econology Can Be So ConfusingPresident Bush described part of a conversation with Japan’s prime minister as “the devaluation issue,” causing a dip in the value of the yen until White House officials released a statement explaining that the president had meant

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Feature|
January 1, 2003

The 2003 Bum Steer Awards

The Bull Just Smiled and Declined to Press ChargesJoey Allen Long, of Paris, was charged in Mount Pleasant with the theft of $4,600 worth of bull semen.We Can Only Imagine What the Words “Bob Torricelli” Did to HimThomas Ray Mitchell, of Texas City, was convicted of aggravated assault for shooting

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Feature|
December 1, 2002

It Came A-Pun a Midnight Clear

Before you start wrapping presents, here's a gift from us to you: a Texas-holiday-themed crossword puzzle. Sharpen your pencil and get a clue.

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Web Exclusive|
June 30, 2002

Keystone Krooks

The robber who fled to a police station and other criminally stupid stories from our Bum Steer archives.

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Feature|
March 1, 2002

Kid Gloves

Growing up in Wichita Falls, I was a skinny kid with buckteeth and a girl's name, so I got into my share of fights. To improve my odd's of winning-and turn my anger and fear into bravery and skill-I learned to box.

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