The Texanist: What in Tarnation Would I Do on a 38,000-Acre Ranch?
A Michigander with dreams of owning a massive piece of Texas land isn't sure how he would occupy himself on his $32.5 million spread.
Since July 2007, the Texanist has taught many a well-intentioned Texan how to properly conduct him- or herself. Is it ever okay to ask somebody how many acres he has? Is it acceptable to spit tobacco juice at the office? Can one have too many Texas-themed tattoos? Why is Big Red so good? Who knows? Wait, the Texanist does!
A Michigander with dreams of owning a massive piece of Texas land isn't sure how he would occupy himself on his $32.5 million spread.
A McKinney man wants to see William Travis singing and dancing his way across the Alamo Plaza.
As Valentine’s Day beckons, a Midlander in a new relationship is looking for an intimate getaway.
A San Antonio football fan wonders if the squad’s already small outfits have gotten even smaller over the years.
A Dallas man worries that he should have let a British couple continue to believe that cattle run rampant through the streets of his city.
A Grapevine man is puzzled by those ubiquitous roadside grills.
A Lufkin man asks a sports-related question—and gets more answers than he bargained for.
A Dallas man worries that hipsters have commandeered his favorite style of hat.
An unnamed person from an unspecified place has an unsavory point of view.
An Austin couple debates the culinary worthiness of the crusty little ferrule beloved by many State Fair of Texas-goers.
A Dallas man vacationing on the Jersey Shore is discombobulated by a discombobulated Lone Star Flag.
A Southlake transplant falls hook, line, and sinker for the lie aquatic.
An El Paso man wasn’t impressed by his recent viewing of the West Texas phenomenon.
A Houston man wants to know if our columnist would be happy in another of Texas's many wonderful locales.
A British man is feeling guilty about walking around in exotic animal hide.
A pair of Austin birders think it’s time to replace the Northern mockingbird with something more . . . Texas-y.
A San Antonio woman is looking for some liquid relief from the heat. The Texanist has a deluge of options.
This week: Topless man on heedless car trip!
A Houston man is puzzled by the mustard-laden grub at Jack in the Box and McDonald’s.
Petty state rivalries, the final frontier.
A Houston man visits Austin and is mildly flummoxed by RM 2222.
A Dallas man knows all about the Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center. It’s the people he wonders about.
An Austin man notes that the sky is the sky, no matter where you go.
A Dallas man’s relations also inexplicably refer to guacamole as “avocado dip.”
An Austin man argues that his spouse’s impressive Texas ancestry should count for something.
A Corpus Christi man pines for the days of two-stepping on those long wooden planks.
A Texan who spent a quarter of a century in Massachusetts is flummoxed by his former neighbors’ footwear foolishness.
A newcomer to East Texas thinks it’s fine to dispatch venomous snakes on sight.
A new arrival from Colorado wants the true-blue info on the red-meat special.
A newcomer to the state is looking for a cinematic introduction to his adopted home.
A McKinney man thinks our fearless columnist isn't as sharp as he used to be.
In our February “Love Letters to Texas” collector’s issue, the Texanist takes a walk down memory lane.
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan is looking forward to coming home.
A Connecticut Yankee new to San Antonio’s social circuit is vexed by an invitation’s dress code.
A Fort Worth man can’t bottle up his confusion any longer.
An Austin man thinks everyone knows that water turns to ice at 32 degrees.
A Sherman woman thinks the gravy-laden slab of breaded meat deserves its due.
A Canada man has a few questions about the Austin establishment immortalized in a Guy Clark song.
A young Aggie just wants everyone to like his Wisconsin-raised sweetheart.
A resident of Phoenix isn't sure her fellow Arizonans should be using that word so cavalierly.
A Boerne woman wonders if other Americans are as smitten as we are with the outlines of their states.
A Houston man wants to know what his options are when that dreaded day finally comes.
A California man wonders why people are angry at everyone's favorite Texas country artist
An Austin man is confused by all those new-fangled beer cans at his local grocery store.
A San Antonio man is tired of the grouchy guy two rows behind him.
A Lone Star native who has lived in the Northeast for nearly four decades is nervous about socializing when she's back at home.
A man raised in Sulphur Springs pines for a long-lost North Texas favorite.
A Notrees man thinks dousing meat in boiling water is akin to cheating.
A visitor from Iowa was baffled by his recent drive through the Lone Star State.
An Arizona woman just doesn’t get the appeal of Mrs. Baird’s Bread or Hill Country Fare cut green beans.