The Texanist: When Will My Yankee In-Laws Stop Complaining About Our Spicy Food?
A Tyler man is feeling a little hot under the collar.
Since July 2007, the Texanist has taught many a well-intentioned Texan how to properly conduct him- or herself. Is it ever okay to ask somebody how many acres he has? Is it acceptable to spit tobacco juice at the office? Can one have too many Texas-themed tattoos? Why is Big Red so good? Who knows? Wait, the Texanist does!
A Tyler man is feeling a little hot under the collar.
A West Texas native wonders if umbrellas are for sissies.
The Texanist advises a person who wants to pass off professionally cooked briskets as homemade.
How to handle the zit-sized pustule that those evil little @$*!%*#@%&!s leave behind.
Menudo for the crudo.
A truck-driving woman meets a Jetta owner at a Ray Wylie Hubbard concert.
The Texanist generously shares his world-famous dove recipe.
We lost a lot. But there are some things we’ll never lose. Texas will be okay.
It's known as "the Texas stop sign," but can the Illinois chain really claim the Lone Star State?
Several of my colleagues have pointed out that tucking your jeans into your boots looks ridiculous. I disagree.
The Texanist addresses contentious BYOMeat gatherings.
A New Yorker thinking about moving to Austin says one thing is holding her back: flies. The Texanist weighs in.
Has the old-fashioned beer joint given way to noisy sports bars?
And the proper placement of horseshoes over doorways for the best good luck.
Can you really overdo Tex-Mex? And how to cope with lowdown bleeping tackle crooks.
This just in: Texas Monthly’s curated BBQ Collection of made-in-Texas artisan goods.
Come and celebrate It.
An ode to the fire pit.
Gambling on a ride aboard the Aransas Queen.
It’s time someone had the courage to ask the most controversial question in the state: To bean or not to bean?
Readers respond to the November 2016 issue.
Forty years ago I built forts on Bird Creek, raced at the roller rink, and watched my dad run for mayor of Temple.
Why tailgating with my family and friends (and a million other fans) is my favorite part of college football.
Welcome to Camp Honey Creek for girls, where the years tick by but time stands still.
Readers respond to the August 2016 issue.
Our estimable advice columnist answers this burning question: What’s it like to be the Texanist?
On the makings of the August 2016 issue.
Readers respond to the July 2016 issue.
Readers respond to the June 2016 issue.
What Jack Unruh meant to me.
Our estimable advice columnist on saying “I do” to a potbellied pig, bidding farewell to supper, giving your regards to Texas, and complaining about cold tortillas.
Forget about Batman vs. Superman. Our advice columnist referees spring vs. fall, Strait vs. Wills, Oatmeal vs. Bacon, and restaurant vs. patron.
Our estimable advice columnist on firearms, weekend getaways, and how to properly eat a tamal.
Our estimable advice columnist on putting a Tennessean in his place, adding Topo Chico to everything, learning to love a rusty jalopy, and naming Possum Kingdom Lake.
Our estimable advice columnist on the pronunciation of “Fort Worth,” the pros and cons of spring break south of the border, the best way to deal with the brisket illiterate, and the Texan who mistook himself for a Floridian.
Our advice columnist muses on the seeming futility of horse apples, the finer points of knives, the downside of going vegetarian, and whether it’s possible to love a Willie-hater.
Readers respond to the December 2015 issue.
Our advice columnist muses on the sanctity of a pickup’s bed, browses the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book, and once again tries to determine who qualifies as a Texan.
Our estimable advice columnist on the origins of Hunt’s boot fence and how miffed we should get about pecan pronunciation, desecrated chili pots, and overenthusiastic, football-lovin’ grandfathers.
Our estimable advice columnist on finding love in the country, the (unquestioned!) merit of the State Fair, the fulfilling post-rodeo career of a bucking bull, and more.
Our estimable advice columnist on how to handle nasty bugs, tobacco-pushing grandpas, and red lights in a one-stoplight town.
Our estimable advice columnist on ducking tornadoes, mom’s new boyfriend’s haircut, the politics of pro football, and the mysterious origins of the Texas sheet cake.
Our estimable advice columnist on washed-up beaches, chicken-fried whoppers, the etymology of “hindcatcher,” and tryin’ to love an Elantra-drivin’ man.
Our estimable advice columnist on armadillo mortality, Dallas Cowboys etiquette, barbecue preferences, and a perfect Texas playlist.
Our estimable advice columnist on hat etiquette, delusions of ranchhood, reconnecting with your Texas roots, and staying loyal to your Wranglers.
Our estimable advice columnist on pathological liars, missing knives, the difference between a Texan and a New Yorker turned Floridian turned Montanan, and why tequila is not—hic!—a vegetable.
Our estimable advice columnist on Texas brag, the limits of speed limits, the intoxicating appeal of his alma mater, and just who, exactly, was going to Luckenbach, Texas, with Waylon and Willie.
Our estimable advice columnist on buildin’ a fire pit, dressin’ like an oilman, plannin’ a destination wedding (or not), and lettin’ go of a non-barbecue-lovin’ woman.
Advice for Tiger’s new swing coach.
Our estimable advice columnist on deer blind etiquette, the undeniable friendliness of his fellow Texans, the ineffable charm of sounding like a rube, and his peculiar sidekick, Li’l Bubba.