The Texanist
November 13, 2017
The Texanist: When Will My Yankee In-Laws Stop Complaining About Our Spicy Food?
A Tyler man is feeling a little hot under the collar.
The Texanist
Since July 2007, the Texanist has taught many a well-intentioned Texan how to properly conduct him- or herself. Is it ever okay to ask somebody how many acres he has? Is it acceptable to spit tobacco juice at the office? Can one have too many Texas-themed tattoos? Why is Big Red so good? Who knows? Wait, the Texanist does!
Latest
151-200 of 269 Articles
The Texanist
November 5, 2017
The Texanist: Can Self-Respecting West Texans Use Umbrellas?
A West Texas native wonders if umbrellas are for sissies.
The Texanist
October 21, 2017
The Texanist: Can I Claim a Professionally Smoked Brisket as My Own?
The Texanist advises a person who wants to pass off professionally cooked briskets as homemade.
The Culture
October 16, 2017
The Texanist: To Pop or Not to Pop Fire Ant Bites?
How to handle the zit-sized pustule that those evil little @$*!%*#@%&!s leave behind.
The Texanist
October 7, 2017
The Texanist: Is Menudo Really a Hangover Cure?
Menudo for the crudo.
The Texanist
September 23, 2017
The Texanist: Can My Pickup-Driving Girlfriend Respect My Compact Car?
A truck-driving woman meets a Jetta owner at a Ray Wylie Hubbard concert.
The Texanist
September 16, 2017
The Texanist: What’s a Dove Recipe That My Wife Will Like?
The Texanist generously shares his world-famous dove recipe.
The Texanist
September 9, 2017
The Texanist: The Meaning of Texas Tough
We lost a lot. But there are some things we’ll never lose. Texas will be okay.
The Texanist
August 25, 2017
The Texanist: Is Dairy Queen Actually a “Texas Thing”?
It's known as "the Texas stop sign," but can the Illinois chain really claim the Lone Star State?
The Texanist
August 18, 2017
The Texanist: Should I Tuck My Jeans Into My Boots?
Several of my colleagues have pointed out that tucking your jeans into your boots looks ridiculous. I disagree.
The Texanist
August 5, 2017
The Texanist: Are Bring Your Own Meat Meals Acceptable?
The Texanist addresses contentious BYOMeat gatherings.
The Texanist
July 28, 2017
The Texanist on Texas’s Flies
A New Yorker thinking about moving to Austin says one thing is holding her back: flies. The Texanist weighs in.
The Texanist
July 22, 2017
The Texanist on The Old-fashioned Beer Joint
Has the old-fashioned beer joint given way to noisy sports bars?
The Texanist
July 15, 2017
The Texanist on Whether It’s a Good Idea to Take One of Those Pricey Yeti Cups Tubing
And the proper placement of horseshoes over doorways for the best good luck.
The Texanist
July 8, 2017
The Texanist Returns to Answer Your Questions
Can you really overdo Tex-Mex? And how to cope with lowdown bleeping tackle crooks.
BBQ
May 22, 2017
The TM General Store Is Open!
This just in: Texas Monthly’s curated BBQ Collection of made-in-Texas artisan goods.
The Texanist
February 23, 2017
Happy Texas Week, Y’all!
Come and celebrate It.
The Texanist
January 25, 2017
Read Before Burning
An ode to the fire pit.
The Texanist
December 21, 2016
Low Stakes on the High Seas
Gambling on a ride aboard the Aransas Queen.
The Texanist
November 23, 2016
Cook Like a Texanist
It’s time someone had the courage to ask the most controversial question in the state: To bean or not to bean?
The Texanist
November 23, 2016
Roar of the Crowd
Readers respond to the November 2016 issue.
The Culture
October 19, 2016
The Spirit of ’76
Forty years ago I built forts on Bird Creek, raced at the roller rink, and watched my dad run for mayor of Temple.
The Culture
September 21, 2016
Huddle Up
Why tailgating with my family and friends (and a million other fans) is my favorite part of college football.
The Texanist
August 24, 2016
Endless Summers
Welcome to Camp Honey Creek for girls, where the years tick by but time stands still.
The Texanist
August 24, 2016
Roar of the Crowd
Readers respond to the August 2016 issue.
The Texanist
July 20, 2016
A Man of Letters
Our estimable advice columnist answers this burning question: What’s it like to be the Texanist?
The Texanist
July 20, 2016
Miscellany
On the makings of the August 2016 issue.
The Texanist
July 20, 2016
Roar of the Crowd
Readers respond to the July 2016 issue.
The Texanist
June 22, 2016
Roar of the Crowd
Readers respond to the June 2016 issue.
The Texanist
June 22, 2016
In Memoriam
What Jack Unruh meant to me.
The Texanist
May 23, 2016
The Texanist: Bidding Farewell to Supper and Complaining about Cold Tortillas
Our estimable advice columnist on saying “I do” to a potbellied pig, bidding farewell to supper, giving your regards to Texas, and complaining about cold tortillas.
The Texanist
April 20, 2016
The Texanist: Shouldn’t Fancy Restaurant Steaks Be Better Than Ones I Cook in My Own Backyard?
Forget about Batman vs. Superman. Our advice columnist referees spring vs. fall, Strait vs. Wills, Oatmeal vs. Bacon, and restaurant vs. patron.
The Texanist
March 23, 2016
The Texanist: Should I Get a License to Carry?
Our estimable advice columnist on firearms, weekend getaways, and how to properly eat a tamal.
The Texanist
February 24, 2016
The Texanist: Advice on Topo Chico and Old Pickups
Our estimable advice columnist on putting a Tennessean in his place, adding Topo Chico to everything, learning to love a rusty jalopy, and naming Possum Kingdom Lake.
The Texanist
January 27, 2016
The Texanist: Are We Still Texans if We’re Living Out of State?
Our estimable advice columnist on the pronunciation of “Fort Worth,” the pros and cons of spring break south of the border, the best way to deal with the brisket illiterate, and the Texan who mistook himself for a Floridian.
The Texanist
December 23, 2015
The Texanist: Is Not Liking Willie Nelson’s Music a Deal Breaker?
Our advice columnist muses on the seeming futility of horse apples, the finer points of knives, the downside of going vegetarian, and whether it’s possible to love a Willie-hater.
The Texanist
December 23, 2015
Roar of the Crowd
Readers respond to the December 2015 issue.
The Texanist
November 18, 2015
The Texanist: on the Sanctity of a Pickup Bed
Our advice columnist muses on the sanctity of a pickup’s bed, browses the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book, and once again tries to determine who qualifies as a Texan.
The Texanist
October 21, 2015
The Texanist: How to Pronounce Pecan
Our estimable advice columnist on the origins of Hunt’s boot fence and how miffed we should get about pecan pronunciation, desecrated chili pots, and overenthusiastic, football-lovin’ grandfathers.
The Texanist
September 17, 2015
The Texanist: How to Pick the Country Boy of Your Dreams Out of the Herd
Our estimable advice columnist on finding love in the country, the (unquestioned!) merit of the State Fair, the fulfilling post-rodeo career of a bucking bull, and more.
The Texanist
August 14, 2015
The Texanist: How Should a Texan Handle Himself in the Presence of a Small Stinging Insect?
Our estimable advice columnist on how to handle nasty bugs, tobacco-pushing grandpas, and red lights in a one-stoplight town.
The Texanist
July 23, 2015
The Texanist: What Should I Do if I Encounter a Tornado While Driving?
Our estimable advice columnist on ducking tornadoes, mom’s new boyfriend’s haircut, the politics of pro football, and the mysterious origins of the Texas sheet cake.
The Texanist
June 11, 2015
The Texanist: Which Texas Beaches Rival the Old South Padre Island?
Our estimable advice columnist on washed-up beaches, chicken-fried whoppers, the etymology of “hindcatcher,” and tryin’ to love an Elantra-drivin’ man.
The Texanist
May 13, 2015
The Texanist: Can You Explain Some Armadillo Lore?
Our estimable advice columnist on armadillo mortality, Dallas Cowboys etiquette, barbecue preferences, and a perfect Texas playlist.
The Texanist
April 16, 2015
The Texanist: Do I Need to Update My Jeans Style?
Our estimable advice columnist on hat etiquette, delusions of ranchhood, reconnecting with your Texas roots, and staying loyal to your Wranglers.
The Texanist
March 13, 2015
The Texanist: Will I Ever Get My Knife Back from Airport Security?
Our estimable advice columnist on pathological liars, missing knives, the difference between a Texan and a New Yorker turned Floridian turned Montanan, and why tequila is not—hic!—a vegetable.
The Texanist
February 10, 2015
The Texanist: Have Texans Forgotten How to Drive?
Our estimable advice columnist on Texas brag, the limits of speed limits, the intoxicating appeal of his alma mater, and just who, exactly, was going to Luckenbach, Texas, with Waylon and Willie.
The Texanist
January 14, 2015
The Texanist: How Can I Get My Girlfriend to Live With the Smell of Smoke From a Nearby Barbecue Joint?
Our estimable advice columnist on buildin’ a fire pit, dressin’ like an oilman, plannin’ a destination wedding (or not), and lettin’ go of a non-barbecue-lovin’ woman.
Arts & Entertainment
January 9, 2015
The Texanist, Special Reporter Edition
Advice for Tiger’s new swing coach.
The Texanist
December 11, 2014
The Texanist: More on the Texanist’s Miniature Sidekick
Our estimable advice columnist on deer blind etiquette, the undeniable friendliness of his fellow Texans, the ineffable charm of sounding like a rube, and his peculiar sidekick, Li’l Bubba.