Bum Steers
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The ‘National Podcast of Texas,’ Episode Two
Cruz 2.0, West Texas umbrellas, and our Bum Steer of the Year.
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Introducing the ‘National Podcast of Texas’
Episode one: Behind the scenes of the 2018 Bum Steer Awards.
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Texans of the Year
Selecting the Bum Steers can be a bit of a drag. That’s why this year we’re supplementing our list with something a bit more upbeat.
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Texas Monthly 2017 Bum Steer Bracket—Round Two
Help us choose 2017’s Bum Steer. Vote in round two of our poll.
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No, Ladies, You Don’t Press Clothes or Make Waffles With It—It’s a Gridiron
A twist on the Aggie War Hymn.
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That Wasn’t an Excavator. It Was an I-Gotta-Take-a-Dump Truck.
The Blackland Prairie becomes an unfortunate dumping ground.
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Next Time They’ll Likely Try a Different Smuggling Root
A case of carrots and the customs checkpoint in Pharr.
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And “Competitive Crop Watching” Didn’t Even Figure in the Rankings
How College Station became the “most exciting” city in Texas.
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They’re Sorry, They Did as Bastard They Could
A headline in the February 19 edition of the Waller County Times Tribune announced, “Hitch up your bitches and jingle those spurs, its trail ride season.”
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Next Up: Repealing the Tax on Steam-Powered Cotton Gins
Congratulations to new ag commission Sid Miller.
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Justice Was Overserved
After DWI charges against Justice Nora Longoria, of the Thirteenth Court of Appeals, were dismissed, outraged Hidalgo County Republicans pointed out that Longoria and the district attorney and district court judge who decided to let her off are all Democrats—and a police dash-cam video that showed her bombing her field sobriety test went viral.
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If It Helps Land the Spite, Elf, and Gnome Convention, It’ll Be a Bargain
The Grapevine City Council approved spending $60,000 in public funds to erect a four-and-a-half-foot unicorn statue on the roof of the city’s convention and visitors bureau building.
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The Bum Steer Catalog
Bum Steers is an attitude! Bum Steers is a lifestyle! And, best of all, now Bum Steers is a chance to shop!
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And the 2014 Bum Steer Award Winners Are . . .
Editor’s Note: This year we partnered with our friends at Bum Steers News to bring you the most shocking, outrageous, and ridiculous Bum Steer issue ever. Below, you’ll find a preview of their incredible findings. The full report will be available on newsstands next week. Get in line now! HOUSTON — According to the astonishing new …
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So How Bad Was 2013 for the Astros and Texans?
Fans thought the Astros and Texans were among the worst teams in professional sports last year, but stunning new revelations show just how bad they really were.
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(Another) Shocking Dewhurst Phone Call!
In August a recording surfaced of the lieutenant governor asking the Allen Police Department to help spring a recently arrested relative from jail. As one unsuspecting pizza salesman also learned this year, it wasn’t the only time the lite guv not so deftly attempted to throw his weight around.
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Former Houston Hand Surgeon Michael Brown Lands in Trouble Again
This time he was arrested upon arrival at the airport, after allegedly choking flight attendants and making sexual remarks.
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The 2011 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of appalling analogies, bare-naked Badu, collapsing Cowboys, dim-witted Daughters of the Republic of Texas, egregious Ethics Commission, felonious fishermen (not to mention frisky firefighters), G-rated (not) guards, hilarious headlines, imperial incumbents, jackass judges (as always!), klutzy kat rescuers, legendarily lame and losing Longhorns, mind-boggling menus, noncompliant Nugent, outré overtimers, pajama-clad politicians, queso quarrels, rude representatives, scuffling strippers, toilet paper–free Texas A&M, unacceptable uniformed urination, vent-escaping vipers, woefully wrongheaded wide receivers, X-asperated Xanax-heads, yuk-yuk yeggs, and zealous Z-cups.
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The 2010 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of accomplice apes, bedraggled Bugattis, Christlike Cheetos, dim-witted deli-owning Democrats, egregious errata, fatal foreplay, gun-toting golfers, heartless high school hoopsters, ignoble implants, jackass judges, killer Kims, laughingstock legislators, miniature museum mummies, nincompoop ne’er-do-wells, overwhelming odors, pandering Perry, quazy Quaids, reassuring Riddle, shameless Stanford, territorial T. Boone, useful urine, vituperative vixens, weaponized waitresses, x-alted XXX clubs, yolky yahoos, and zero-tolerance zealots.
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The 2008 Bum Steer Awards
It was a year of angry Aggies, Baptist bravado, confused Cheney, death row drollery, enemas in evidence, fetid feet, ghetto gobbledygook, helicopter hunts, insurance idiocy, jerk judges, kin kidnappers, lawbreaking Longhorns, meshuggener misfires, NASA nimrods, Oswald online, pooped-on presidents, quick quarrels, requested roaches, scrotum-scarring Sooners, taped teenagers, unhinged urinators, visible Virgins, weaselly Whole Foods, X-rated x-classmates, yuletide yikes, and zeroed-out zebras.
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The 2013 Bum Steer Awards
How ignoble was 2012? It was a year in which our idols fell from their pedestals only to land on our leaders, who had already toppled from their own heights. The shame spiral began on January 3, when Rick Perry lost his first election ever, the Iowa caucuses in the GOP presidential primary. The guv-who-would-be-prez …
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Roar of the Crowd
Tears on Our Steers Your portrayal of Governor Perry is totally insulting. Whether you agree or disagree with his politics, he is the governor of our great state and, as such, deserves a measure of respect. Jo Snoddy Cleburne Shame on TEXAS MONTHLY for using a caricature drawn by some green-behind-the-ears illustrator from Massachusetts who obviously …
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Bum Rap
The bar was set pretty high even before last year’s Bum Steers cover was named one of seven winners in the American Society of Magazine Editors’ annual Best Cover Contest. I mean, honestly: How to top Dick Cheney with a scowl and a shotgun? It’s not as if there was an obvious worthy choice to …
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Rounding Up the Steers
Senior editor Anne Dingus on the Bum Steers traditions and mocking those other Simpsons.
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The 1995 Bum Steer Awards
A year of amorous angels, bra buzzers, camouflaged Claytie, denied Davidians, escaped evangelists, faulty flags, gainful gangs, hefty hypnosis, inmate inedibles, jumbo jock-straps, kaput killdeers, lunching Lassie, mercurial mushrooms, nabbed ninjas, overhyped O.J., pumpkin purloiners, questionable quizzes, rap ruffians, sexy sprinters, tack taxis, unappreciated universities, videotaped villains, wayward Willie, X-sposing X-ministers, Yammering Yankees, and zero zippers.
