The Texanist
July 15, 2013
The Texanist: Why is Driving Allowed on Texas Beaches?
Offering fine advice since 2007.
317 Articles
The Texanist
June 10, 2013
The Texanist: Have Rural Texans Always Been Close-Minded About Clothing?
Offering fine advice since 2007.
The Texanist
May 13, 2013
The Texanist: Who’s Responsible for Repairing an Old Barbed-Wire Fence Separating Two Ranches?
On why good neighbors mend good fences, drinkin' while dog walkin', and the proper way to dispose of bacon grease (hint: in your belly).
The Texanist
April 15, 2013
An Open Letter From the Texanist
To Daniel Vaughn, New Barbecue Editor of Texas Monthly, on the Occasion of His First Day On the Job
The Texanist
April 10, 2013
The Texanist: Should I Just Let My Dogs Loose on the Possums in My Backyard?
On unleashing the hounds, the definition of a dance hall, and relieving one's self in the Gulf of Mexico.
February 12, 2013
The Texanist: Can Texas License Plates Support Rival Sports Teams?
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
The Texanist
January 23, 2013
The Texanist’s Take on Picking Pecans Out of Other People’s Yards
On pecan picking, marrying a Californian, and apartment dwelling . . .
The Texanist
January 21, 2013
The Texanist’s Parenting Quiz
How are you doing as a raiser of authentic Texan offspring? Take this handy quiz and find out.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: Are Gulf Oysters Really an Aphrodisiac?
Oyster aphrodisiacs, hat manners, drill team attire, and why a man needs a weekender.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: How Do I Confront a Neighbor Who Let’s His Dog Mess in My Yard?
Wayward dog droppings, “barbecue” versus “grill,” flag displays, and the best way to get a husband to slim down.
The Culture
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: What Happened to the Texas Hi Sign?
The disappearing hi sign, an off-color in-law, outdoor urination, and the critical function of weather-related small talk.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: Is My Son Being Bullied or is This a Case of Boys-being-boys?
School yard bullying, game-day taunts, gambling etiquette, and children who dislike bones in their meat.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
Pink camouflage, Floridian “friends,” a bedtime dilemma, and whether or not it’s acceptable to mock Chileans for their flag’s similarity to ours.
The Texanist dishes up a heaping helping of fine advice.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: Where is the Texanist From?
A fond look back at Temple, a.k.a. Ratsville and/or Tanglefoot, that fair burg wherein your dedicated advice columnist learned the location of the thin line between right and wrong.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: What Do I Do About My Vegetarian Son?
Vegetarian offspring, a barroom dispute, maintaining the “Texas identity,” and whether anything can be done to cure a marriage-threatening case of snoring.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: Is It Real Tex-Mex if It’s Served With Black Beans?
The trouble with black beans, an unnatural attachment to Texas license plates, the perils of striking up a conversation in the restroom, and the discomfort of two men riding together on the same Harley.
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: Is It Legal to Be Buried on My Own Property?
Is it legal to be buried on my own property? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: My wife and I are working toward finally buying some property in Washington County to retire on and have a place for the kids and grandkids to come and enjoy the
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: Do I Need to Stick With the One That Brung Me?
Dance hall guilt, faded accents, SUVs with “Truck” plates, and the ancient initiation ceremony at which a young Texan male is presented with his first firearm.
Food & Drink
January 20, 2013
Famous Texans on Their Favorite Burgers
Yes, even famous people have favorite burgers. And since the hamburger was invented right here in Texas, we decided to ask a few famous Texans to tell us their stories about their favorite burger experiences. Rebecca RobinsonMiss Texas 2008, Miss Congeniality in Miss America 2009Lives in Dallas Rebecca
The Texanist
January 20, 2013
The Texanist: What’s the Best Cure for a Jellyfish Sting?
What’s the best cure for jellyfish stings?
The Texanist
January 1, 2013
The Texanist: Is the Secret to Good Healthy Actually “Crazy Water”?
Is the secret to good healthy actually “Crazy Water”? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: I am a Texan of advanced age who is hearing all the clamor surrounding health care. I grew up in Mineral Wells, drinking the famed water they merchandise, and I enjoy great health
The Texanist
December 1, 2012
The Texanist: Is It Wrong to Taxidermy Your Pet Dog?
My husband wants to taxidermy our dog when he goes to that big yard in the sky. I don’t. Can I convince him this is wrong? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: Our family dog is getting on in age, and my husband and I have begun to
The Culture
October 31, 2012
The Texanist: What’s the Etiquette of Political Yard Signs?
What’s the etiquette of political yard signs? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: My housemate and I have very different political leanings, but we’ve never let this get in the way of our friendship. We have an agree-to-disagree policy. Then, without any discussion, she put a yard
The Culture
September 30, 2012
The Texanist: What Are the Rules for Setting Up in a New Tailgating Spot?
The Texanist on tailgating, winterizing grass, and beer cocktails.
The Texanist
August 31, 2012
The Texanist: Do I Need to Stop Raising My Little Girl Like a Tomboy?
On tomboys, spiciness, and the end of the UT-A&M rivalry.
The Texanist
July 31, 2012
The Texanist: Can I Keep a Loose Country Dog?
Stray dogs, baby-blue guayaberas, matters of pigskin loyalty, and the proper disposal of beer cans at the beach.
The Texanist
June 30, 2012
The Texanist: Can I Shoot a Rattlesnake in My Suburban Backyard?
Unwelcome shotgun blasts, unwanted mustaches, uncouth behavior, and the un-bare-able truth about going sockless in your cowboy boots.
The Culture
May 31, 2012
The Texanist: What Are Some Texas Rites of Passage?
Violent mockingbirds, farm-to-market roads, football versus lacrosse, and the incredible nerve of storekeepers who charge for spit cups.
The Texanist
April 30, 2012
The Texanist: Do Country Dancers Ever Go Clockwise?
Boot-scooting in the right direction, leaving New York, wondering about the yardman, and trying out the cowgirl look when you’re no longer 25.
The Texanist
March 31, 2012
The Texanist: Are “Truck Nuts” Appropriate?
How to respond to those weird bumper testicles, pledge allegiance to the flag, ask to see the top of someone’s boots, and decide between sweet and dill.
The Texanist
March 1, 2012
The Texanist: Can I Discipline My Niece Over Spilt Dr. Pepper?
Disciplining a wayward niece, care packages for Texas soldiers, revisiting South Padre, and the truth about raccoon penis bones.
The Texanist
February 1, 2012
The Texanist: When Can Non-Native Texans Start Saying Y’all?
Learning to speak Texan, postprandial bed-sharing, how to start a fire, and a barber shop conundrum.
The Texanist
January 1, 2012
The Texanist: How Do I Get Out of a Wedding on Super Bowl Sunday?
Watching the Super Bowl on the sly, meeting the Hill Country neighbors, sharing a bed with man and dog, and smoking grapevine.
The Texanist
December 1, 2011
The Texanist: Can I Teach My Neighbors Gravel-Road Etiquette?
Enforcing gravel-road etiquette, contemplating “turkey bacon,” reconsidering the bolo tie, and sussing out the true meaning of “goat roper.”
The Texanist
September 30, 2011
The Texanist: How Do I Explain Topless Sunbathing in Austin to My Children?
How do I explain topless sunbathing in Austin to my children? Illustration by Jack UnruhQ: I was in Austin visiting my brother recently, and he took me and my kids, a nine-year-old girl and a ten-year-old boy, to Barton Springs Pool to go swimming.
The Texanist
June 30, 2011
The Texanist: Can I Make My Husband Stop Using Dip?
Spousal adjustments, fly abatement, soccer parenting, and the truth about creased jeans.
The Texanist
May 31, 2011
The Texanist: What Do I Do When I’m Stuck Behind a Tractor?
Passing a tractor, building a barbecue pit, luxury pickups, and the trials of a Canadian Texan Down Under.
The Texanist
April 30, 2011
The Texanist: Can You Pick a Bluebonnet?
Picking bluebonnets, pastry terminology, angling laws, and the best way to respond to a speeding ticket.
The Texanist
March 31, 2011
Offering fine advice since 2007
Nicknames, parental discretion, summer camp, and the best way to talk about breast enlargement.
The Culture
March 1, 2011
The Texanist: Is the Rodeo Really Cruel?
Animal cruelty, greasy handshakes, offerings of meat, and Texas toasts—the spoken kind.
The Texanist
January 1, 2011
The Texanist: Can I Have School Spirit for a School I Didn’t Attend?
School colors, wedding music, spare-ticket reimbursement, and why not to plant a mesquite for dear old granddad.
The Texanist
December 1, 2010
The Texanist: What is the Best Aisle Etiquette?
Aisle-scooting etiquette, slaughtering a turkey, skunk remedies, and the proper way to approach a group of ladies at a dance hall.
Feature
July 31, 2010
The Texanist’s Favorite Road Food
As anyone who has eaten too many heat-lamp hot dogs smothered in pump chili knows, the foodstuff consumed on the way to your destination can be one of the horrors of the trip. To help guide your gastronomic ramblings this summer, we asked our advice columnist for his five snacks.Beef
The Texanist
July 31, 2010
The Texanist: What Do I Tell My Son When He Asks Me About a Crop I Don’t Recognize?
Roadside mysteries, state symbols, a daughter’s attire, and the proper display of local feats on water towers.
The Texanist
June 30, 2010
The Texanist: How Do I Approach My Brother-in-law About the Way He Treats Wait Staff?
Rude diners, fraudulent Texans, anniversary presents, and the problem with mail-order steaks.
The Culture
December 1, 2009
The Texanist: Can I Wear My Football Team’s Jersey to Church?
Can I wear a football jersey to church?
The Culture
October 31, 2009
The Texanist: What’s to Be Done With Annoying Neighbors?
What’s to be done with annoying neighbors?
The Culture
September 30, 2009
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007
Can I unfriend a Facebook friend?
The Culture
August 31, 2009
The Texanist: Will Hiring a Lawn Service to Do My Mowing Make Me Soft?
Will hiring a yard guy make me soft?
The Culture
July 31, 2009
The Texanist: Does Keeping a Found Twelve-Pack of Beer Constitute Stealing?
Does keeping a found twelve-pack of beer constitute stealing?