It was a year of avaricious Astros fans, brainless bank robbers, competence-free comptrollers, discourteous doctors, enraged exes, frisky Frisco-ites, greedy gram-toting grandmothers, hotheaded hand surgeons, ill-informed idiots, jammed-full Jaguars, knife-krazy Kimbroughs, lambasted Lufkinites, mean-spirited magazine articles, nervy narcotics users, obtuse O’Neals, profane pilots, quazy Quaids, romantically rejected receivers, surveilling Scientologists,
From Donald Chambers founding the Bandidos in Houston to Gordon Granger reading General Orders No. 3 in Galveston
From Buzz Bissinger arriving in Odessa—with a notepad—to Lyle Lovett and Robert Earl Keen writing songs in College Station
From Donald Chambers founding the Bandidos in Houston to Gordon Granger reading General Orders No. 3 in Galveston
Some people call it a quartoseptcentennial, or a septaquintaquinquecentennial (seriously), but you’d better save your breath. You’ll need it on this wide-ranging 6,000-mile voyage commemorating Texas’s 175th birthday. It starts in Glen Rose, ends in Austin, and stops along the way at 175 places that tell the story of the
Depending on who you are and how you feel about immigration and cultural change, the image on this page is either no big deal, mildly provocative, or highly controversial. The original painting on which it’s based, American Gothic, by Grant Wood, is one of the most famous in the world.
Most modern Texans are far removed from the land and legend of the West, but as the photos prove, they cherish it still.
It was a year of appalling analogies, bare-naked Badu, collapsing Cowboys, dim-witted Daughters of the Republic of Texas, egregious Ethics Commission, felonious fishermen (not to mention frisky firefighters), G-rated (not) guards, hilarious headlines, imperial incumbents, jackass judges (as always!), klutzy kat rescuers, legendarily lame and losing Longhorns, mind-boggling menus, noncompliant
Contributors|
January 20, 2013
Pamela Colloff, Jody Horton, and Drew Friedman.
Ah, redistricting—that partisan, vengeful, hazardous battle for domination the Legislature fights every decade. Here we go again.
A special report on the presidential front-runner who isn’t running—yet.
What Bush could learn from Nixon, Carter, and Clinton.
Lance Armstrong tops our list of the dreamers and doers leading the way in science, sports, politics, music, art, food, education, and, of course, Dallas shopping.
A year of asking-for-it Aggies, badass broccoli, contraband coffee, Death Row decor, extrapolating elephants, faux feet, god-awful gimmickry, humongous heavyweights, incomparable ironers, judicial jimjams, kaput kowtowers, lame-brained liberals, moping millionaires, NASA ninnies, off-putting officials, prize-winning pignappers, quasi-comic quipsters, red-handed rapscallions, scarfable sod, theoretical thongs, ungodly ungulates, vomiting vegetation, wild-eyed window-breakers,
Recipe from Cafe 290, Hwy 290 East, Manor.Chicken Stock1 gallon of water 2 whole chickens 1 1/2 cubes of chicken bouillon 1/2 bunch of chopped celery 1/4 pound of butterStart with a gallon of water in a large pot. Place two whole chickens and one and a half cubes of
It was a year of aggrieved actors, banned boobs, Cuban commodes, DeLay denial, errant Elmo, frisky floaters, grouchy governors, hung hoopsters, immigration insensitivity, job-seeking judges, klobbered Karl, Longhorn lushes, miffed musicians, nude no-no’s, ousted Osteens, peeved passers, quarreling queens, riled Rangers, subpar sheriffs, tiny “terrorists,” unseemly URLs, vice presidential violence,
The moment that members of the tejano band David Lee Garza y Los Musicales saw a poster by San Antonian John Dyer, they knew they had found the photographer for their next album. “We wanted more than just a face on a cover,” says bassist Richard Garza, “and his poster
A few notable Texans tell us about the burgers they can’t do without.
Cinnamon-Pumpkin EmpanadasThe incredibly flaky, yeasty crust of these empanadas is so good—and so easy to make—that you’ll immediately abandon all other recipes. The pumpkin filling, also a breeze, is traditionally Mexican. Recipe from Esperanza’s Cafe (Joe T. Garcia’s Bakery), Fort Worth.Potato Pancakes With Sour Cream-Chipotle SauceMost people look at
It was a year of: Alamo amour, bollixed Bush, cheeseburger chagrin, dissed Davy, egregious ethics, film flops, guileful gynecologists, hibiscus hullabaloo, in-flight idiocy, jiggling Janet, konservative kross-dressers, laughable liposuction, microphone mishaps, numskull name-nabbing, opinionated obits, pot parfaits, Qaeda qualms, reckless Rather, streaking solons, tasteless Tecate, UT users, vulgar veeps, Wicca
It was a year of accomplice apes, bedraggled Bugattis, Christlike Cheetos, dim-witted deli-owning Democrats, egregious errata, fatal foreplay, gun-toting golfers, heartless high school hoopsters, ignoble implants, jackass judges, killer Kims, laughingstock legislators, miniature museum mummies, nincompoop ne’er-do-wells, overwhelming odors, pandering Perry, quazy Quaids, reassuring Riddle, shameless Stanford, territorial T. Boone,
Contributors|
January 20, 2013
Ed Gabel and Joe Zeff, Mimi Swartz, and Bill Minutaglio.
Contributors|
January 20, 2013
William Martin, Katy Vine, and Todd Hido
Contributors|
January 20, 2013
Dan Winters, Anthony Giardina, and Wyatt McSpadden.
A year of asinine actresses, bare-bottomed bongos, curious car washes, dunderheaded deejays, elongated enchiladas, furious filmgoers, Gore goofs, huge hydrants, ice in demand, jettisoned Jagger, kooky Kansans, lecherous legislators, misinformed McDonald's, newsmaker nuts, odorous ocelots, promiscuous passengers, questionable quizzes, ridiculous recipes, speedy sports-team owners, traveling toilets, ubiquitous underwear, vapid vegetarians,
This gorgeous seafood cocktail is named after Huatulco, the impossibly beautiful seaside resort in the Mexican state of Oaxaca.16 large shrimp, peeled and deveined (leave tails on) salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste 6 fresh tomatillos, husked and diced 1/4 onion, minced 1 ancho chile, stemmed, seeded, and
This tropical margarita is much fruitier and easier to drink than a genuine Mexican margarita. If a frozen drink gives you a headache, omit the crushed ice and serve on the rocks.1 shot (1 ounce) tequila 1 shot (1 ounce) Cointreau 1/4 fresh mango, peeled and chopped 1/2 cup fresh
Richard King and his wife, Henrietta, founded the King Ranch. Their daughter Alice and her husband, Robert Kleberg—shown with their children in the turn-of-the-century photograph at the right—founded the family that sustained it. When Henrietta King died in 1925, the ranch’s 1.2 million acres were divided among her heirs.
BUT YOUR BETTER HALF CAN COME, HONCameron County sheriff Omar Lucio did not invite district attorney Yolanda de Leon to a barbecue for law enforcement officials because the party was for men only.SORRY. I MEANT TRAILER GENTRYIn a TV interview during the Kerrville capital murder trial of Darlie Routier, Dallas
HE GOT NAILEDRound Rock mayor Charlie Culpepper apologized to “all of the purveyors of fasteners that operate in our city” after he was quoted in a newspaper article as saying “you couldn’t buy a nut, bolt, or screw in Round Rock without going to Wal-Mart.”NEXT TIME MAKE IT “HEALTHY BOVINE”A
The Bum Steers Math Quiz.
The Bleacher Bible By Chris Sneed, Cotten Publishing of Lubbock, $9.95. Heckling manual by a diehard Texas Tech Red Raiders baseball fan. “You’ve got jungle disease: you look like Tarzan but you swing like Jane.”Cigar Chic: A Woman’s Perspective By Tomima Edmark of Dallas, The Summit Publishing
A year of altered antlers, bawdy broadcasters, comedian corrections, dining detectives, emancipated emus, fossilized felines, gullible Gore, hemline harassment, insatiable igniters, jazzed-up jewelry, Kay’s kennelwear, lottery loonies, metric madness, numerous nudes, 007 oenophiles, poultry protesters, questionable quizzes, revengeful revenuers, Spam slingers, tie tirades, unallowed uniforms, variant videotapers, warning! water, x-humed
JanuaryBEN BARNES Under fire by federal authorities, the former lieutenant governor gives up his $25,000-a-month lobbying contract for Gtech, the company that runs the Texas Lottery. Not to worry, though. Later it is announced that Gtech agreed to pay Barnes and an associate $23 million to buy out the contract.FebruaryTEXAS
RADIO GIRLS 1998 CALENDAR, featuring five women deejays from Texas, including (left) Cindy Scull of KEGL-FM, Dallas, from RML Productions of San Antonio: $12.95.PETMITT, a disposable pet-waste mitt for scooping up doggy doo, designed by Betsy Aberg and Virginia Prejean of Dallas, from PetMitt of Dallas, available by calling 1-800-PETMITT:
“And don’t forget to come back next week for the Greensheet Awards. Everybody in Austin can win something if you just stick around long enough in this town. A lot of people dressed up tonight and a lot of people didn’t give a s—t, did they? Nobody’s going to work
Mark: “They’ve mixed a lot of the Western side with the original, but they’re not original. And this right here is the biggest joke I’ve ever heard. She’s doing mudras [hand movements] through the whole thing, but she’s not even doing the mudras right.” Dan: “It’s nonsensical, the way they’re singing.
“The artists that are performing tonight have written compositions or have been influenced by compositions written in Spanish, traditional Mexican music, and what’s called border music, if you will, a marriage of Tex-Mex. And so tonight they are celebrating that acoustically, singing the songs they’ve learned.”— Susan Charney, co-producer of
“Cake is a great band. It’s soulful music. It’s food for the soul.” — Krys Holland, audience member, watching Cake at the Austin Music Hall.“When I say go, turn that s—t all the way up.” — Wayne Coyne, lead singer of the Flaming Lips, having passed out cassette tapes to
On our first-ever quest for the state’s best burgers, we covered more than 12,000 miles, ate at more than 250 restaurants, and gained, collectively, more than 40 pounds. Our dauntless determination (and fearless fat intake) was rewarded with a list of 50 transcendent burgers—and you’ll never guess which one ended
Roar of the Crowd|
January 20, 2013
Mail from our readers.
Besides books and my own mistakes, I’ve learned almost everything I know about wildflowers from volunteering at the National Wildflower Research Center, Lady Bird Johnson’s visionary gift to Texas. Perhaps my inexperience was evident on my application, because the volunteer coordinator wisely placed me where I couldn’t do much harm,
1Find Yourself Texas has a range of soils and climates. To know what to plant, you have to know where you are among its ten vegetational regions.2Flower Plot Pick a sunny, well-drained site for your meadow. When choosing which flowers to plant, think about bloom times, size, and color.3Go
During the infamous drought of 1996, roadside wildflowers frizzled and fried. But at the National Wildflower Research Center, just southwest of Austin, blossoms, shrubs, trees, and grasses were sleek and sassy. Why? Because 1995’s rains watered 1996’s flowers, thanks to the largest rooftop rainwater-collection system in North America. One of
A handsome young president, a convertible limousine, a sniper, three shots (we think), and our lives were changed forever. A special report on what is, for many, the defining event of the past fifty years.
Cucumber Mintini1/4 cucumber 5 fresh mint leaves, plus 1 sprig for garnish 2 lime wedges 2 sugar cubes 2 ounces simple syrup (one part sugar dissolved in one part water) splash of fresh lime juice 1 1/2 ounces Tito’s Handmade Vodka splash of club sodaMuddle cucumber, mint leaves, 1 lime
Contributors|
January 20, 2013
Pamela Colloff, Barry Blitt, and Andy Anderson
Feature|
January 20, 2013
Build more schools, clone Willie Nelson, get everyone high-speed Internet, raise chickens, hold nonpartisan primaries, curb sprawl, and 76 other serious, inspiring, far-fetched, and provocative ideas about how to make Texas an even better place from some of the brightest bulbs we know.
Contributors|
January 20, 2013
Nate Blakeslee“This story was not driven by a bad personal experience. Well, I once had to use a motorized Roto-Rooter at my house, but that had nothing to do with it,” says senior editor Nate Blakeslee about “Everyone’s Poop”, his study of one of the great marvels of
Contributors|
January 20, 2013
Kinky Friedman, Andi Beierman, and Brent Humphreys.
