Buzzfeed may be shifting toward hosting more serious political coverage, but that doesn’t mean they’ve given up on posting clickable stories like “The 30 Best Taco-Related Crimes Ever.”
As you might expect, Texas makes a solid showing with five entries, but the truth is, the addition of tortillas to a list of petty crimes does not make it less bleak.
The most unusual crime story on the best-of was a San Antonio Express-News piece on Bexar County Sheriff’s Deputy Robert Falcon, who got caught smuggling heroin to prison inmates using barbacoa tacos. Falco was put in protective custody and on suicide watch after he received a six-year prison sentence.
Drugs were also involved in Corpus Christi, where the Caller-Times reported on a woman who (accidentally?) threw her tacos out the window with a beer bottle before getting busted on a DUI, with her passenger arrested for possession.
A story from 2009 involved a series of taco trailer burglaries in Austin, where “it wasn’t clear,” deadpanned the Austin American Statesman’s Mark LIsheron, “whether the men are accused of stealing money or tacos, or both.”
Another Austin incident involved a 56-year-old homeless man who brandished a pocket knife at a man out walking his dog one Sunday near the University of Texas campus and demanded the breakfast taco the dogwalker had in his hand. “Your breakfast taco or your life,” was how John Moritz of KXAN summed that up.
And finally, there was a DUI and reckless driving incident in Lufkin (of course) that resulted in a bicycle collision. But a quick look at the Lufkin Daily News article reveals that tacos were only marginally invovled—the collision happened in the parking lot of Taco Bell.
Fair enough, but if Taco Bell is enough to get something on the list, what about March’s shootout in San Antonio, in which 37 year-old Ricardo Jones went nuts after realizing the price of a Beefy Crunch Burrito had gone up from 99 cents to $1.49? Or did we miss the Thirty Best Burrito-Related Crimes list?
And for next year’s list, Thursday’s Express-News also provided a potential entry: earlier this week, a church secretary in Fredericksburg was held at knifepoint for a haul of two breakfast tacos and $26. You’re welcome, Buzzfeed.