Throw your plans out the window. We scoured the state in search of the top events and offerings, from the opera in Houston and Friday night lights in Odessa to surfing along the coast and hiking in the mountains. Here’s our super select guide to the things you absolutely can’t afford to miss.
[JAN 28–FEB 3]
The Talented Mr. Crowell
A number of our best singer-songwriters have recently turned to prose with great success—Bob Dylan’s 2004 memoir, Chronicles, Volume 1, was a New York Times best-seller, and Patti Smith’s memoir, Just Kids, won the 2010 National Book Award for Nonfiction. This year, a memoir by Houston troubadour Rodney Crowell, Chinaberry Sidewalks, is proving itself equally worthy of the trend. The book recounts with authority, melody, and nakedness Crowell’s upbringing in Houston, under the thumb of parents who were philandering, abusive drunks. “I was able to tell the dark truth about my parents’ early years together knowing that by book’s end, the reader would love them as much as I,” Crowell said. One of the book’s most harrowing passages has Crowell, then five years old, pulling a rifle on his parents and their friends. Read any of it and then try to deny yourself Crowell’s three-show run in his hometown, where he will play songs and read passages from the book, including the one about the “Prayer Witch.”
McGonigel’s Mucky Duck, Jan 30 & 31, various times.
Ring of Fire
Competitive eating is usually divided into volume eating (where you stuff your face with as much as possible) and pressure-cooker eating (where you eat the fieriest of foods). Zestfest, a convention of all things hot and spicy, includes two contests in the latter category. Pick your poison: hot wings or jalapeños. Prepare yourself by watching Man v. Food, the television show starring Adam Richman, master of consumption. He will show you that wiping your face with a napkin used while eating said wings or jalapeños is unwise unless you are seeking an alternate form of microdermabrasion. It may seem a no-brainer, but your mind can scatter in the heat of the moment. And since the Food Network show Outrageous Food is filming an episode at Zestfest, it’s important that you never let them see you sweat—any more than necessary.
Irving Convention Center, Jan 28–30, various times.
Are You (NFL) Experienced?
Hunter S. Thompson, the gonzo journalist, used to get abominably depressed this time of year. The end of the NFL season was near—one last Sunday ritual of booze, pills, and gambling. With the Super Bowl coming up next weekend, it’s fun to imagine how Thompson might have reported on the NFL Experience, an annual week-long extravaganza of memorabilia, autograph sessions, and interactive football exhibits that now precedes the game itself. (This year’s Experience, at the Dallas Convention Center, is, predictably enough, the biggest ever.) Thompson would instantly have seen through the flag football clinics and skills-sets courses for what they really are: a combine for ambitious junior high coaches to vet six- to twelve-year-olds. The NFL Control Room, an exhibit that shows how officials are graded, would surely have provoked Thompson to reconsider that refs are on the take. And the NFL Locker Room experience might have provided Thompson with florid analogies of cannibals readying for a feast. To sate Thompson, a nearly insatiable man, means the NFL Experience has more than enough to offer even the most diehard football fan.
Dallas Convention Center, Jan 28–30, various times.
I Will Survive. Maybe.
Tough Mudder is the most physical challenge on Survivor strung along for up to a dozen miles, complete with fire, ropes, and lots of mud. These endurance races are designed by the British Special Air Service (read: hardcore dudes). They say it’s not about winning, but about finishing. To that end, the Tough Mudder Pledge asks participants to help fellow Mudders by all means necessary. It also commands Mudders to tell themselves, “I do not whine—kids whine.” The Tough Mudder competition in Austin is the first of seven scheduled in the country the first half of this year, leading up to the World’s Toughest Mudder Series Finals. The challenges that await on the ten-mile course include Devil’s Beard, Boa Constrictor, and Electroshock Therapy, where contestants run through a field of live wires. Since this is also a spectator sport, it begs the question, who gets the most pleasure from all this pain: the masochist Mudder or the sadist spectator?
Cross Creek Cycle Park, Jan 29 & 30, various times.
Exotic game is typically served only at pricey restaurants, but the Wild Game Dinner, hosted annually by Grace Lutheran Church, offers fresh cuts of the game roaming its backyard for a $10 donation.
Grace Lutheran Church, Jan 29, 4 p.m.
The movies in this year’s United Nations Film Festival are bound by the theme “Education is a Human Right”—which should be mandatory viewing for Texas legislators considering how much to cut from public schools in order to balance the state’s budget.
United Nation Houston Chapter, Jan 28–30, various times.
• • • • •
Eight more gotta-see, gotta-do events that you can’t afford to miss.
By Patricia Busa McConnico
3M Half Marathon and Relay
It’s too late to register for the seventeenth 3M Half Marathon, which has been named one of the Top 25 Half Marathons in America by Runner ’s World. This 13.1-mile race is so popular that it is sold out. But you can still cheer on your friends as they make their way through Austin and the little ones participating in the 50-yard non-competitive Kids Fun Run.
9500 block of Stonelake Blvd, Jan 30, 6:45 a.m.
Dallas Mavericks vs. Atlanta Hawks
The Mavs get their game on.
American Airlines Center, Jan 29, 7:30 p.m.
The Harlem String Quartet
The New York Times has praised this ensemble of young black and Latino players whose mission is to advance diversity in classical music.
Scottish Rite Temple, Jan 23, 2 p.m.
Gerdau Ameristeel Cradle of Champions
Catch the unveiling of the ultimate tribute to Texas high school football. For two years Gerdau Ameristeel, the second-largest mini-mill steel producer and steel recycler in North America, has been working with Texas high schools to gather steel scraps and bolts from their facilities to be repurposed with recycled steel from a demolished stadium in North Texas. The result is a massive sculpture celebrating the state’s most cherished pastime. Players who went on to the pros will have their names engraved on the structure.
Sundance Square, Jan 28, 11 a.m.
The Oak Ridge Boys
The Oaks are on tour. Giddy Up Oom Poppa Omm Poppa Mow Mow.
The Grand 1894 Opera House, Jan 29 & 30, Sat at 7:30 & Sun at 3.
For 85 years the HG have been performing trick shots and amazing
Toyota Center, Jan 29, 2 & 7 p.m.
San Antonio Boat & RV Show
If you’ve been hearing the call of the wild, then head to this event that features everything you’ll need to become an outdoorsman/sportsman–RVs, boats, travel trailers, and more. Batteries not included.
Alamodome, Jan 27–30, various times.
South Texas Trail Ride
Cowboys are alive and well. Witness the 52nd Annual Trail Ride, which begins in Corpus Christi and makes it way through Edroy, Tynan, Beeville, Pettus, Kenedy, Falls City, and Floresville to the Alamo in San Antonio. Folks will be riding in covered wagons, buggies, and on horses for segments that are approximately twenty miles (or about eight hours). This monster road trip will end February 5.
Edcot Gin, Jan 27, 8 a.m.