Q: What sort of advice do you have for Tiger Woods’s new swing guru, Dallasite Chris Como?
The Texanist’s Editor, Austin
A: When the news broke late last year that Tiger Woods had hired Chris Como, currently of Plano’s Gleneagles Country Club, as his swing coach, it got the Texanist to thinking. Turns out that two of the three swing doctors Woods has employed over the years have had ties to the Lone Star State. Woods amassed his first eight majors working with Butch Harmon, a University of Houston alum and once the most sought-after teaching pro in Texas. From 2004 until 2010, Metroplex-based swingmeister Hank Haney coached Woods to the next six of his fourteen major victories. Since splitting from Haney, Woods has gone winless in the majors under the tutelage of Canadian Sean Foley, who got the boot last year. Now it’s Como’s turn.
Golf is a sport that has never lacked for tipsters, those well-meaning folks willing to dispense advice, solicited or not. Swing through the ball. Pronate your wrist. Open your stance. Open your eyes! And so on. But seeing as how the Texanist is in the business of giving advice and also happens to have a passion for the ancient, royal, and sometimes royally frustrating game, he thought he’d offer a few tips to Como, in hopes that he’ll have as good a run as his non-Canadian predecessors.
1. Keep your head down. Whether Tiger wins or loses, there will be a shitestorm of media attention trained on you. So hang on to your brand-new TW-trademarked hat, because the heavy stuff will be coming down imminently.
2. Clear your mind of all distractions. You need to stay focused on Tiger’s game and not think about other things. Like, say, “I’ve Got a Tiger by the Tail,” the 1965 hit by North Texan Buck Owens, which will take on a whole new meaning for you (“I won’t be much when you get through with me”) if you think about it, hum it, or, God forbid, sing it in front of your new boss. So don’t.
3. While we’re young. Consider the fact that your client, who will turn forty this year, no longer has a young man’s bones. Time is not on your side. The Texanist suggests making haste before Tiger’s sun sinks any farther below the horizon.
4. Keep your left arm straight. Doing so will prove handy whether you are acknowledging a standing ovation at your future Hall of Fame induction ceremony or hailing a cab to the airport under the cover of darkness after having been blamed for the downfall of the greatest golfer of all time. Remember, either way, left arm straight.
5. Keep your eye on the ball—and the competition. Young Texan Jordan Spieth, who recently thrashed your boss by 26 strokes at his own Hero World Challenge tournament, is being hailed as “the next Tiger.” If he becomes the next Tiger on your watch, someone else is going to be “the next Chris Como” pretty soon. Good luck!