I slept great on Saturday night and woke up Sunday morning excited for all the day might bring me. Then I learned that Armie Hammer made a toe-sucking video. 

For those of you who have neither seen nor heard of this abomination⁠—I’m sorry, and please don’t Google it. There is no goodness for you there. Just know that this past weekend, the actor and sometime-Texan uploaded a video to his Instagram stories documenting his two-year-old son sucking on his toes with the caption “this went on for a solid seven minutes” and “#footfetishonfleek.” It went viral, and not in a fun way. It’s not a good situation for anybody, least of all for this poor kid, who, like most children, is being a weirdo and enjoying the reaction he gets from his parents.  

Still, the nice thing about the internet is that it moves real fast. By the middle of this week, Armie Hammer’s untimely trending on social media will be a hazy, distant memory⁠—like Robert Mueller’s testimony in front of the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees, which took place, I’m pretty sure, seven thousand years ago.

While we wait for this entire conversation to go back to hell where it belongs, here are ten other videos that you can watch that don’t involve Armie Hammer and have absolutely no toe-sucking in them whatsoever.  Some of them have Texas connections, and some of them are just personal favorites that I watched on repeat in an effort to cleanse my mental palate after a toe-sucking video threatened to ruin my Sunday. 

Maren Morris’s Backstage Rehearsal Tweet

https://twitter.com/MarenMorris/status/1155426655898353665?s=20

Dolly Parton made a surprise appearance at the Newport Folk Festival this weekend, and brought with her a baker’s dozen of incredible female musicians, including the Highwomen, a supergroup comprised of Brandi Carlile, Maren Morris, Natalie Hemby, and Amanda Shires. Morris posted a short video of their backstage rehearsal of “She’s an Eagle When She Flies,” along with the caption “brb crying on the inside until the end of time,” which is also what I am doing now. 

The Egg…Bigger Than Before

Have you ever held an egg in your hand and wished it could somehow grow? Do you prefer the color blue to eggshell? Do you not mind watching a stranger momentarily get their hands sticky? Well, someone on Twitter found your new favorite video.  

Beyoncé’s Year of 4 Documentary

Every card-carrying member of the Beyhive knows that 2010 was an important year. That was the year our Queen, Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter, severed business ties with her dad-manager Matthew Knowles and took a brief hiatus from the industry, before returning in 2011 with her fourth studio album. 4 ushered in a new era for Bey, not just because it was the most musically ambitious album of her career up until that point, but also because it was the first album (and album rollout) where Beyoncé was in charge of everything concerning Beyoncé.

Part of that album rollout involved a short behind-the-scenes documentary, a precursor to 2013’s Life Is But a Dream and this year’s Homecoming, that documented that game-changing year. She’d stop doing interviews not long after that, and curate a personal photo and video archive more appealing to fans than anything the paparazzi could snap. Eventually, she’d be such a boss at controlling her own narrative that $260 million dollars from Disney would seem like little more than promotional material for a new Beyoncé album. 

Golden Girls Gospel Remix

I’m not exactly sure where this video came from, but I assume it was sent directly from the heavens. Youtube user Finally Aaron uploaded it back in 2016, and since it came on my radar sometime last year I have watched it 260,000 times, give or take. It’s exactly what it sounds like, a gospel remix of The Golden Girls theme song, but the extremely talented Aaron was able to turn a jingle I was somewhat fond of into one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard. I often watch it at work when I feel stressed out, and did so at least eight times after #ARMIEGATE.

Fred Astaire Ceiling Dance

Here’s another video I regularly use to self-soothe. It’s a clip from the 1951 Stanley Donen musical Royal Wedding, and one of Fred Astaire’s most famous dance sequences. It was filmed on a rotating set, which was how they were able to make it look like Astaire’s character—swept up by love—dances on the ceiling. Fred Astaire always looked like he was floating on air when he danced, and Stanley Donen figured out a way to make that literal. 

Selena at the Astrodome

Selena’s last concert, filmed at the Houston Astrodome in February 1995, just about a month before she was killed, can be streamed in full on Youtube. If you haven’t already watched it, what’s your excuse? 

BBC Documentary About Texas

My coworker Christian Wallace turned me onto this gem, an old BBC documentary about Texas with concert footage of Texas legends like Doug Sahm, Valerio Longoria, Freddy Fender, Jerry Jeff Walker, and both Bobbie and Willie Nelson. Kinky Friedman serves as the documentary’s narrator/tour guide. “Not too many are burning with desire to know what lies deep in the heart of New Jersey,” he says, taking the viewer everywhere from Franciscan chapels of Southeast Texas to Dealey Plaza. It’s a must-see for anyone who loves Texas and Texas country music. 

Old Town Road Video

Speaking of country music, have you watch the video for Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” yet?  

I Think You Should Leave Focus Group

I would say it’s a shame that there aren’t more clips from Tim Robinson’s otherworldly sketch comedy series I Think You Should Leave, but the whole series is on Netflix, and can (and should) be watched in one sitting. Here’s a taste for anyone who likes out-there comedy series they will be quoting for the rest of their lives. 

Totino’s Pizza Rolls SNL skit

Speaking of quotable comedy, here’s an old Saturday Night Live video that will have you wondering what happened to Vanessa Bayer’s hungry guys, and will help you forget about Armie Hammer’s toes.