Listen up, ladies. We have a friend—yeah, we’ll call him a friend—who’s having trouble finding a girlfriend. He’s a really great guy. He’s got this great job that, like, admittedly he’s pretty obsessed with, but it seems like it’s pretty good at what he does. He likes to take long walks on his 36-acre property he owns in Wisconsin. He wants a family one day, but for now he’s got this weird schedule where he goes to bed at geriatric hours and eats constantly. But when he’s not working, sleeping, or eating, he’s visiting sick kids in the hospital. Seriously. And yes, he’s good looking. Very good looking.

Confused as to why he’s single? So is J.J. Watt, the man himself. The Texans defensive end hinted at it when we interviewed him for the July issue of Texas Monthly, but this week Watt reiterated his rocky quest for love to

“People [I know] think that I’ve never dated before, or whatever,” Watt says. “But I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m just unsuccessful. My schedule’s so crazy and life’s so busy, it just hasn’t worked.”

Awwwww! He’s trying! But realistically, there aren’t many ladies who can hang with a career-obsessed, tunnel-visioned, highly sought after homebody with 288 pounds of rippling muscle…wait. What were we saying?

J.J., for his part, seems to be downplaying his relationship woes (or lack thereof).

To be fair, it isn’t as if J.J. is striking out at bars. With a demanding schedule and an unrelenting drive, it might not be the best time for the upstanding guy, who says that after his NFL career is over he dreams of having a wife and children and being a high school football coach. But just in case the loneliness proves to be too much for J.J. before retirement, it sure seems like there are plenty of willing candidates:

Won’t someone date our poor friend?