When J.J. Watt is bad at something, he’s still probably better at it than 99 percent of the people on the planet. He’s clearly and indisputably the best football player in the NFL, but that barely even describes the Texans’ defensive end at this point. Not only were his statistics as a defender last season so staggering that he received more MVP votes than any defensive player since Lawrence Taylor nearly thirty years ago, but he also scored three offensive touchdowns for the Texans.
He’s a gifted enough natural athlete that from a standing position, he could jump directly on top of a Toyota Yaris, and while throwing out the first pitch for the Astros a couple of years ago, he casually tossed a 77 mph fastball over the plate without so much as a warmup. Dallas Mavericks point guard Devin Harris, who played college basketball at Watt’s alma mater, Wisconsin, claims that had Watt taken on the sport, he’d have pushed them past the round of 16 in the NCAA tournament.
And we haven’t seen the end of Watt’s non-football talents. On Friday night, for example, he showed off what he can do on skates:
— Wisconsin Badgers (@UWBadgers) June 27, 2015
That video is from an event in Wisconsin, and the goalie (who mmmmmaybe takes a dive, but what would you do if you saw J.J. Watt approaching you on skates?) is former Badger and current St. Louis Blues goalie Brian Elliott, whom Watt scores on like it ain’t no thing. At press time, we cannot confirm that Watt had never before worn ice skates until that moment, but we are choosing to believe that that is true.
We’ve got a couple of weeks of off-season left before training camp begins, which means that there is plenty of time left to sing the praises of Watt’s non-football exploits. (Indeed, we expect that Watt himself could sing said praises with perfect pitch, a hand over his heart and his resonant voice ringing out through the Bayou City.) We anticipate in that time that he’ll score a hole-in-one as he beats Jordan Spieth on the links, that he’ll dunk on James Harden while goofing off at a playground, that he’ll smoke a brisket that puts Aaron Franklin’s to shame, and that he’ll perform in an improv comedy show funnier than anything we’ve seen since Will Ferrell was on SNL. Just another couple weeks in the life of J.J. Watt, after all.