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James Harden’s New Signature Adidas Design Leaked

The internet had one collective question: what are those?

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The design for James Harden’s first signature shoe with Adidas leaked on Tuesday, and it’s not pretty. How’d you like to slip into these babies?

These are not basketball shoes. These are the throw-aways you wear when the septic tank overflows and you have to go out and drain the backyard. The internet, appetite apparently whet again after devouring Steph Curry’s similarly horrifying all-white Under Armour sneakers a few months ago, had a field day ripping the Houston Rockets star’s very un-fresh kicks:

While the “Triple Black” color is the only version that’s been released so far, we hear it’s also available in two scratch-and-sniff scents: shower drain gunk and dank warehouse. They come in several sizes, none of which will properly fit you. If you’re really into the new Hardens, you can pre-order the retro-chic mid-2000s Lunchroom Loner bundle, which include a pair of attachable wheelies, a pack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and a black dragon-print button down shirt.

It looks like Harden’s beard broke up with his face and ran away to be with his feet. There’s also a possibility that Harden and Adidas are simply trying to break into the Irish clogger market. But, to be fair, these would go great with literally anything Michael Jordan wears.

Harden still gets the last laugh. The deal he signed with Adidas last year is worth $200 million over thirteen years. It’s unclear what kind of return-on-investment Adidas will get, but if they somehow help Harden play better defense, though, then everyone wins.

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